Today I feel very honoured to have been recognised as a blog that at least one person reads and likes.  I must write more!  Not Even A Bag of Sugar is a wonderful blog full of honesty, emotion, courage and conviction.  It is beautifully written and fights the corners of mothers and mothers of preemies in particular everywhere.  Through the medium of interweb I am proud to now call its author my virtual friend.  A friend who has proven to be a rock and able to answer my many worries and questions.  Thank you.

As part of receiving the reward I must link back to and thank my nominator.  So thank you Kylie and keep up the super work.  You are an inspiration x

I must also tell 7 things about myself

1 – I am 34 years old and I am a primary school teacher when not being a full time Mummy to my twins. 

2 – I always wanted to be a secondary school English and Theatre Studies teacher and think that I will fulfill this ambition when I return to teaching when my children are older. 

3 – What I really wanted to be was an actress and I have been involved with amateur dramatics from a very early age.  I love to act and sing, I also enjoy directing and writing plays.  When Esther and William are older I would like to run a youth theatre group at the weekends.

4 – I am engaged to the most wonderful man I have ever had the good fortune to meet

Maybe we are supposed to meet the wrong people before we meet the right one so when they finally arrive we are truly grateful for the gift we have been given.
Maybe its true that we don’t know what we have lost until we lose it but it is also true that we don’t know what we’re missing until it arrives.
Maybe the happiest of people don’t have the best of everything, but make the best of everything that comes their way.
Maybe the best kind of love is the kind where you sit on the sofa together, not saying a word, and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had.
Maybe once in a lifetime you find someone who not only touches your heart but also your soul, someone who loves you for who you are and not what you could be.
Maybe the art of true love is not about finding the perfect person, but about seeing an imperfect person perfectly

5 – Being a Mum is the hardest thing I have ever done alongside actually becoming a Mum.  It is also the most wonderful and magical and every day brings something new and exciting, something challenging and rewarding, exhausting and stimulating.  Motherhood awakens every dormant emotion you have inside.  It is just amazing!

6 – I love fajitas and would eat them everyday if I could!

7 – I love watching Spooks and The West Wing.  Over and over in the case of The West Wing.  Something David and I do together.  One of the many things that make me sure we belong together.  We fit!

I must pass on the award to blogs I have recently doscovered and enjoyed.

David and I are getting married this summer and we are busy planning our special day.  There is one blog that is proving to be invaluable in our preparations, especially in mine!

The blog is called Rock My Wedding and I would definitely recommend a read.  It is full of real weddings and diy projects.  It is not just a haven of ideas and inspiration but a really good read.  Enjoy! 

I must now leave the recipients a note explaining about the award, which I will do on their Facebook page.

http://www.facebook.com/?ref=logo#!/pages/Rock-My-Wedding/188635996773

And finally 10 questions

1 – Why did you create this blog?

I created this blog as a way of recording Esther and William’s time in NICU when they were born 13 weeks too soon.  I wanted to get my thoughts on to paper for my own sanity and to help my friends and family understand what David and I were going through on a day to day basis.  I also hope that it will help other people who find themselves in our situation.  I also hope that one day Esther and William will be able to read this blog and kknow how brave and strogn they both were when they first entered this world.

2 – What kind of blog do you follow?

To be honest I don’t or at least I didn’t!  Now I love reading Not Even A Bag of Sugar and Rock My Wedding.  Babies and weddings – they are my world at the moment!

3 – Favourite make up brand

I don’t really wear make up.  I love dermalogica skin care products and Johnsons Holiday Skin moisturiser and vaseline for my lips.

4 – Favourite clothing brand

I love H&M for basics, River Island for jeans and Monsoon for occasion wear.  I am a high street girl!  I like Mama Feels Good for funky breastfeeding wear!

5 – Your indispensable make up product

Rose tinted vaseline lip balm and Rimmel bronzer

6 – Your favourite colour

My favourite colour is blue

7 – Your favourite perfume

I love The Body Shop perfume oils and have in my time worn Coconut, Patchouli and White Musk. 

8 – Your favourite film

I love The Shawshank Redemption, Pursuit of Happiness and Mystic Pizza.  I love all of The Lord of the Rings movies and am looking forward to The Hobbit.

9 – What country would you like to visit and why?

My sister is living in Australia and I would like to go there and visit her.  I would also love to go to New Zealand and Borneo too.

10 – Are you a cat or a dog person?

Definitely dog!  Though David is definitely cat so not sure what the future holds for The Charing Henleys!!

Happy New Year everyone x

Thank you Kylie x

As I write this I am watching my 5 month old son under his play gym while his twin sister sleeps soundly in their cot upstairs.  Weighing almost 9lbs Esther already sleeps through the night on a regular basis and when awake is a calm, contented, happy baby.  A little over 10lbs William feeds every 2 -3 hours he chats and giggles, smiles and coos the whole time he is awake and is growing into a strong baby boy who is now able to roll from front to back! 

2010 was a challenging year with IVF, pregnancy, emergency bowel surgery, premature birth, NICU, SCBU and being a Mummy to two newborns.  That is all on top of having a job, being a friend, a fiance, a relative to others.  Living an everyday life. 

2011 is going to be anything but everyday.  It is going to be extraordinary in so many ways.  I will continue to watch my children grow every day and see them celebrate their first birthdays this year.  We will welcome their new cousin into the world in a few short weeks and I will see my own little sister get married.  David and I will take Esther and William on the first of many family holidays and in September we will become husband and wife, cementing our own official little family.

There is so much to look forward to and I am going to try my hardest to document the key moments here for myself and our children to look back on.

David and I have been through the toughest of times in the last few months and I am hoping that 2011 will be more straightforward for us and yet wonderful in so many ways.

I am so full of pride and love for all our little family has achieved this year. 

I am stronger and braver than I knew I could be and together with David, Esther and William we are ready to take on the world.

So bring on a happy and healthy new year … for everyone x

15.9.2010

The babies are 35 weeks today!  I should be 35 weeks pregnant.  I can’t wait to be pregnant again, I want to know what the third trimester is like.

First things first, both babies have gained weight!  10 grams for Esther (1.84kg) and 5 grams for William making him 2.1kg.  So they now weigh 4lb 1oz and 4lb 10oz respectively.  Anything static or upward is okay for their weights in this transitional/experimental feeding period. 

We arrived at the hospital just before 9am.  Esther was awake, waiting for us.  David did her cares, then despite her having been tube fed at 7am she had a good feed with me at 9.15am!   Because she is demand feeding I now just wait for her to wake up and then feed her again.  If she feeds well at the breast she will not be topped up and as long as she can settle we will just wait again for her to wake.

After Esther’s feed I did William’s care and then put him to the breast.  He did very well and had a half top up.

Esther will now be put to the breast at or before 1.15pm, depending on when she wakes and William is also due at 1pm.  I will then express at 2pm.  It is hard to know what to do about expressing with demand feeds but I do need to do it at least once or twice in a day.

The doctors’ round is going on at the moment.  Seems to be taking a long time today but there are a few discharges.  Two babies should go home today, then two or three more tomorrow which means that we will be getting some new playmates!  I am also hoping to room in soon to establish night time feeding.  As soon as a room becomes available, which could be this weekend!!

It is Rohan’s birthday this weekend so we are hoping to go to his party tea on Sunday, at least for a couple of hours.  I can’t believe that he is going to be two!

The doctors are taking a long time today.  I want to see my babies!  I thought that Esther might have woken up by now.

I woke Esther at 12.45pm.  She fed well and settled to a peaceful sleep afterwards.  I then fed William at 1.30pm.  He had quite a good feed and a 25ml top up. 

Both babies now have a 4 hourly limit but really are demand feeding, William with top ups.

Tina came to see us and as long as Room 1 is free David and I can room in this weekend to try and establish night feeding!  How exciting!  If it goes well we might be able to extend our stay to early next week and then maybe bring them home! 

They have to have 48 hours of only breastfeeding before their NG tube is removed and they then have to be gaining weight before they can be discharged.  We are making progress!

I need to pack a bag!

9.9.2010

Our second day in Nursery 3 (or is it 1? Think I may have nursery names confused??)

Both babies were sound asleep when we arrived.  Esther woke up just in time for her 8.30am feed.  I did all her cares and weighed her.  She has gained 50 grams and now weighs 1760g which is just over 3lb and 14oz and William has passed the 2 kilo mark at 2.1kg which is 4lb 6oz!  We are making progress!

They are both making super progress with their feeding too, thanks to Anne and Elizabeth.  Anne helped Esther to latch on again today and Elizabeth showed me how to use ‘nurture’ to get William to open his mouth and feed.  This involved placing him to the breast from the tummy in a vertical position, as he would have been placed at birth.  This prompts him to suck.  It is a natural instinct for babies that they sometimes need reminding of.  It certainly worked for young Will who had a poor day with regards to feeding.  He was not latching on properly and so was getting very little milk but lots of air that left him feeling uncomfortable.  Poor little thing.

http://www.babycentre.co.uk/baby/breastfeeding/positions/

http://www.breastfeeding.nhs.uk/en/fe/page.asp?n1=3

Both babies had routine bloods today and the eye doctor is either coming this evening or tomorrow morning.  They are to continue on caffeine for a few more days, possibly til Monday?  The doctor says that we have 7 – 10 days until we will be discharged!

William is now on 45mls every 3 hours and Esther on 40mls.  More progress!

Esther and William both had full feeds (old total) at 11.30 and 12.30.  William slept through his feed but Esther and I went off for a road trip to the Feeding/Expressing Room!  It was our first time just the two of us and it was wonderful!  I wheeled the cot to the room and shut the door on the world.  It was so quiet.  Just the tiny sounds of Esther breathing and grunting and moaning!  She is quite noisy really but in the most beautiful way.  I cannot wait to get her and her brother home.  The doctor thinks that we are looking at 7 – 10 days!  We have so much to do!  They asked if we were ready at home.  I lied and said yes but we so are not!

William slept through his 12.30 feed so he will go to the breast at 3.30pm, Esther will next try at 5.30pm unless she is wide awake at half past two.

I got William a hat today.  Mint green.  He looks very cute!

We have moved into the twin alcove on the ward, where Poppy and Daisy used to be.  It is a good place for us to be as we have more space and can make it more homely.

During the Consultant update this afternoon the Consultant said, independently of the doctor, that we should be heading home in a week to ten days.

Today has been a frustrating day.  William is not feeding very well at all and the nurse looking after us today is not really that helpful.  She is friendly enough but is not really paying that much attention to us.  She is looking after all the young girls and sorting out their issues. 

Elizabeth is lovely and helpful but she is not looking after us.

Because of the lack of feeding there has also been a lack of cuddles.  I am actually feeling completely fed up!

Esther’s Hb is 9.9.  The doctors are going to bear it in mind but she is not going to be transfused at the moment.  William’s Hb is also low at 10 but he is not going to be transfused either.  They are so close to 34 weeks and should be producing their own red blood cells by now so it is best not to give them a transfusion unless absolutely necessary.  So, we are carrying on as before.

Everything now hinges on feeding and feeding is NOT going well!!

I am going for a sulk, a cry and a cup of tea.

I have been so hot today which I think has made me irritable too.  I am in desperate need of clothes that fit me.  I could do with a pair of skinny jeans, a pair of baggy jeans, some tops and shoes and socks.  It is so hot in the hospital.  I am really feeling it today as the only trousers I can currently fit into are a pair of thick cords!

Today I drew up the babies vitamin and iron supplements.  It was easy to do after preparing IVF injections for so long. 

At 6pm Mr Edwards, the eye doctor, came.  David was here and so we stayed to watch the examination.  I was not brave enough last time when I was on my own.  It was a simple procedure and resulted in both babies being given the all clear.  They will be examined again in two weeks, hopefully as outpatients!

21.08.2010

Happy 4 week birthday Babies!

Arrived at the hospital at 9am to find William off CPAP.  He only had 2 hours off last night as he had a few bradys and desats (low heartrate and low oxygen levels).  He came off at 8.30am and will stay off until 2.30pm all being well.  At the moment he seems quite stable in 22% ambient oxygen.

Esther is on her CPAP but is in air and seems stable.  She will come off at 12, hopefully for 4 hours.  Her cares are due at 12 and so my plan is to start William at 11 and then move on to Esther before she comes off her CPAP.  When she is settled off the CPAP I will wash her face and ears, and dress her in her lovely new clothes.  It is much easier to do while they are not connected to so many things!

Esther has gained weight and her feeds have now gone up to 10mls hourly.  She weighs 1.33g which is so close to 3lbs!  The nurses are talking to the doctors today about increasing her caffeine to help with her bradys and desats.  She will also hopefully start to have it twice a day which William already does.  Louise thinks that this new dosage will sort her out.

William now weighs 1645g which is almost 3lb 10oz.  He gained 10g.

I am very cross today that I have a dead camera battery so will have no photos of the twins on their 4 week birthday!  I charged the battery overnight but I myst have done it wrong! Oh dear.

Dr Chalmers came to see Esther and William today.  She is their named consultant and we will be going to her clinic when we leave here.  She has put William back to hourly feeds after his episode last night and has upped his caffeine dose to match his new weight. 

William passed a ‘sticky stool’ last night, with some mucus, so a sample has been sent to the lab for testing.  I wonder if it could be because they started iron supplements yesterday?  Esther’s caffeine is also being upped and will be given twice daily from now on, the same as her brother.  She will remain on 4 hours off CPAP.  I really don’t want her pushed as she gets so tired towards the end of her time as it is, and I want her to use all her energy for growing.  She looks so tiny today!  My perfect little Thumbelina!

At the end of their time off CPAP today, when their blood gases are done they will also both have their HB measured.  As they both seem to be struggling today I will be very interested to see those results.  Today is not a good day for Esther and William.  It is a day when what they really need is sleep.  They are desatting, all be it fleetingly, every few minutes.

At 11.40am I did Esther’s nappy and body wash.  I will wash her face and dress her when she is settled off CPAP.

William has just had his 12 o’clock feed and promptly threw up his vitamins. 

When I did Esther’s nappy her poo was a bit different so I am hoping that it is just the iron for both of them.

I am going to read William a story while his feed goes down and then will do his cares.  Then maybe do some singing, if he is awake.

I wonder how David and Tony are getting on?  They are building the buggy garage today. 

William has really loud hiccups!  I am used to hearing them from Star but I am sure this is the first time with young Will!  He looks like an angel when he’s sleeping.  I changed his nappy and gave him a wash at 12.15pm.  He was so good.  He loves being handled at the moment where Esther is not so keen.  He was wide awake and being adorable.  He is in air and has high oxygen levels.  He looks so cosy!  He does have a runny tummy though.  Poor thing.  We have to wait until Tuesday or Wednesday for results from the lab.  Please don’t let it be anything too serious!  I love him so much.  He is such a little cutie!

Esther is in 27% ambient oxygen and seems quite stable now.  Bless her.  Our lovely, tiny little Star!  I call her Thumbelina because she is so tiny but so perfect.  Keep growing little one.