Last week I posted an open letter to my son, William, who I had shouted at earlier the same day. He was being naughty but I know that I should not have shouted. The letter was a lasting apology and … Continue reading
What a difference a year makes!
We have just had a lovely evening with family, fireworks, a bonfire and hot dogs.
There is something wonderful about bonfire night.
I have fond memories of this night as a child. My parents hosted our family bonfire nights serving hot dogs and steaming mugs of soup as I did tonight. We would all stand around a bonfire and have sparklers too.
Tonight we had a very smoky bonfire and some fireworks too. William loved the fireworks but Esther was not so sure.
Last night we did not have fireworks of the conventional kind but I did suffer an emotional outburst of my own.
What a difference a year makes!
I had a bit of a meltdown yesterday.
I am just so tired and the babies were screaming all day and I just lost it and screamed back.
I had been home alone with them for 8 hours and had had a couple of bad nights and was just exhausted.
I felt so terrible that I burst into tears and sobbed til David came home and found me.
I scared myself.
It just doesn’t seem to be getting any easier.
I always thought that I would be a good Mum and would find this something I enjoyed but at the moment it just feels like hard work and I feel sad a lot of the time and then I feel guilty for feeling sad.
I am frustrated that the babies have no clue who I am.
I am scared that I am not going to be a very good Mum.
I want to be better, I want things to get better.
Sorry for the rant. I just wanted to get in touch with someone and let off some steam and hope for a friendly reply.
I sound so ungrateful don’t I?
I’m not, I love the babies so much and I am so thankful for them but they really are such hard work and at the moment for very little in return.
Rubbish day x
Regular readers of Edspire will know that Bliss is a charity close to our hearts. Esther and William were born at 27 weeks gestation and the support that I received from Bliss and the friends I made through their forums … Continue reading
Dear William As I write this you are lying beside Esther in your buggy, fast asleep. A prefect picture of peace. You both look so still and make no sound apart from your very gentle snoring! There is something magical … Continue reading
My nephew Toby is doing really well at home with his Mummy and Daddy. My sister is very good at sending daily updates just as I did when Esther and William first came home. With family all over the world … Continue reading
Today David carved the first of our Halloween pumpkins. One for William, which will be an owl, and one for Esther which is, of course, a star! Here are some pictures of the pumpkin carving and a video clearly demonstrating … Continue reading
Obviously Esther and William cannot talk very much at the moment being just 15 months old and only a year corrected. They have the odd word such as duck and star and ball. All the important things! But they cannot … Continue reading
10 weeks and 3 days today.
I am utterly exhausted and full of cold.
William is incredibly snotty and Esther is miserable with her teeth.
All in all we are not in a good way.
Because of our combined germ spreading capabilities we have not been out to any baby classes these past few days and the change in our routine, topped off with illness, has made us all a little crazy.
I am really wishing that I could drive today as I would take us for a walk around Leeds Castle or drive to this lovely bakery in Lenham that I know where they sell the most fabulous cakes. Not that I really have the appetite for cakes, but, well, perhaps I could manage one!
Because the babies are not feeling one hundred percent they are struggling with independent play. They need me to be there and involved the whole time. It is so draining particularly when all you really want to do is curl up under a thick blanket with a good book and a steaming mug of tea.
I have no patience today. I am feeling sorry for myself because I am so ill. I feel that I should be allowed to have a sick day but that is not an option as a full time Mummy, even lunch breaks can be hard some days!
And so we all plod on, bunged up and miserable, waiting for nap time, at least, I am.
Esther and William are today 12 months corrected and 15 months actual age. It is always a worry working out their milestones against their age because for some things they are about where they should be for their corrected age … Continue reading