Category Archives: Prematurity

dealing with issues of prematurity

June is Bustin' Out All Over – updated

Posted on by

6

This weekend Life in a Pink Fibro has asked us to think back to June 2010 for the Weekend Rewind.

My blog was not even concieved last June.  I was 5 months pregnant and thought I had 4 months of my pregnancy still to go.  In reality the birth of Esther and William was just a few short weeks away.

HYTHE JUNE 2010

 Here I am, bustin’ out all over, with my lovely twin bump!

To help jog my memory about June 2010 here is my month in Facebook Statuses!

June 1 – Jennie is having a lovely half term catching up with family and friends.

June 1 – Jennie has had a lovely day in the sun with Mary, Clare and Rohan.

June 3 – Jennie thinks she should have planned to do something this morning rather than just sitting and waiting for her scan!!

June 4 – Jennie is happy and relieved after seeing two active, healthy babies on screen today. And only two weeks to wait til next scan!

June 4 – after a day learning BSL is now getting on with the baby budget!!! So exciting!

June 5 – Jennie begins her last two weeks at school for the forseeable future!!!

June 7 – Jennie has decided to stay at school one more week! Now finish 25th June all being well!

June 9 – Jennie got a bit emotional in Mothercare today and bought the twins some teeny tiny newborn socks! So cute!!!

June 11 – Jennie got a bit emotional in Mothercare yesterday and bought the twins some teeny tiny newborn socks! So cute!!! Now she is sorting all the contents of her hospital bag!! Just in case!

June 12 – Jennie is tired and the day has not even really begun!

June 14 – Jennie is looking forward to some retail therapy on Thursday.

June 14 – Jennie has no more work til Monday!

June 15 – Jennie is finding choosing a name for our girl twin sooooooooooooooooooo hard!

June 18 – Jennie decided to scale back rather than leave altogether!

June 23 – Jennie really wants to make a start on cleaning and sorting her house but after school and home tutoring just feels too tired! Roll on 9th July when I will be finished school and can spend my days getting ready!!!

June 23 – Jennie and David have exciting plans for their house!!!!

June 24 – is looking forward to introducing Maia to Rohan!

June 26 – Jennie is listening to 90s Indie classics and sorting through baby clothes!!!

June 27 – Jennie and David have been to the sea!!

June 27 – Jennie would like some advice on what to do about her fat, pregnant, painful swollen ankles and feet!!!! Ow!!!

June 28 – Jennie is home from 24 week scan and all is well. Hooray

This all seems like such a long time ago.  I had a job and went shopping!  The twins were so longed for and now they are here!!! 7 months old when they should really only be 4. And they are doing so well.  Growing bigger and stronger every day.

Esther and William’s First Author – Oliver Jeffers

Posted on by

13

When Esther and William were born I bought them each a book.  Because they are twins I wanted the books to be by the same author and so I chose Oliver Jeffers.  I wanted each baby to have a story chosen especially for them, that could mean something to them all of their lives. I also wanted them to have a story to share.  The three books that I chose are: The Way Back Home; Lost and Found and How to Catch a Star.

Lost and Found was William’s book.  It was first read to him on the day that he was born by his Daddy.  David and I sat by his incubator and shared this story with our newborn son, who weighed in at just 2lb 11ozs and could not open his eyes or breathe without assistance.  We read to our little boy lost hoping that he would find his way, that we would find a way to be together as a family.  Lost and Found is about a little boy who finds a penguin.  Penguins (along with giraffes!) are my favourite animals and I want to pass that on to my children, to share it with them.  The little boy thinks that the penguin wants to go home and the boy does all he can to help him find his way but then he realises that the penguin was not lost at all but was lonely, he didn’t want to go home, he wanted to find a friend.  It is a very touching story about friendship, told very simply with beautiful illustrations.  It explores loss and loneliness which seemed very apt for our William who was all alone in a plastic box when he should have been in our arms with his sister.  It tells how two people can find comfort in one another and help each other along the way.  it is a story of the journey of friendship, through words and pictures it shows the strength and determination of one little boy to help another. We dedicated this to our Mr Strong, our braveheart, our William.  This is a wonderful first story for a little boy.  For our little boy.

Our daughter’s first ever story How to Catch A Star.  I chose this for Esther because one meaning of her name is ‘Star’.  I read her this book for the very first time on the day she was born.  I sat beside her blue lit incubator and read it to my 2lb 4oz baby, who I had known just hours but already loved with all my heart.  This was the prefect choice of story for Esther.  It is about a boy who loves stars and tries everything that he can to find one.  This is a story with the message of never giving up, of doing all you can to achieve your dreams, of fighting for what you believe in, of striving for your goals, of being strong and reaching for the stars.  This was the perfect message for my tiny, fragile daughter fighting for her life in an incubator rather than celebrating the start of her life in my arms.  I read this story with broken voice and eyes full of tears.  My little star was going to need all the strength she would muster and all of our strength too.  This book is so beautifully illustrated I just know that it will be treasured for always for its message and devoured time and time again for its lovely language and exquisite illustrations.  Thank you Oliver Jeffers for helping us give our children such a lovely start to life and the world of literature.

The final book , I bought for the twins to share.  It is called The Way Back Home.  Inside the front cover I wrote:

Dear Esther and William

We can’t wait to show you the way home to our house, your house, your home.  We love you now and always.

Mummy and Daddy

This Oliver Jeffers book is about finding your way home.  This was all we wanted for our two babies, to find a way to bring them home.  This story is about a young boy who gets stuck on the moon with an alien and together they must find a way to get each other home.  It is a tale of friendship and what can be achieved when friends work together.  I hope that Esther and William will be life long friends as well as twin brother and sister and whenevr they fight or fall out I am going to remind them of this book, the first time we shared it and how far they have come.

Oliver Jeffers is a brilliant writer and illustrator of unique and exciting books for children that can be enjoyed by all the family over and over again.

Simple stories with complex messages and meanings, filled with heartfelt love and warmth.

Please, if you have not yet discovered these books and enjoyed them with your children, please do, I am certain that you will not be disappointed. 

Thank you Oliver Jeffers!  Keep writing please!

At My Most Beautiful – Mother and Daughter

Posted on by

5

“It’s beauty that captures your attention; personality which captures your heart.”

At my most beautiful
I count your eyelashes, secretly
With every one, whisper I love you
I let you sleep
I know you’re closed eye watching me,
Listening
I thought I saw a smile

http://www.lyrics007.com/R.E.M.%20Lyrics/At%20My%20Most%20Beautiful%20Lyrics.html

The Gallery – We Want To Be Together!

Posted on by

4

This week to complement St Valentine’s Day Tara has given us the theme of Togetherness for our Gallery posts.  This was an easy one for me.  It had to be about the twins.  I am going to post two entries to the gallery this week, this is the first.  Esther and William as they get reacquainted in NICU after weeks in separate incubators.

When Esther and William were Reunited for the first time outside of the womb in NICU, it was the most wonderful experience of my life.  They just seemed to just know that they belonged together.  Here are Esther and Willliam clearly demonstrating TOGETHERNESS.

Gratefully Cheery Week 6

Posted on by

9

Reasons to be Cheerful at Mummy From the Heart

This week has been a difficult week for me as Esther, William and David have all been quite unwell.  As has my cousin who was hoping to come round and support us while she was off work this week.  However this difficulty has lead to one of my main reasons for being cheerful, I have asked my Mum to come and stay for a few weeks, and I am really really looking forward to spending some proper time with her.  More on that in a minute.

My reasons for being cheerily grateful this week …

My sister’s wedding was a wonderful occasion and she was a beautiful bride!

It really was a great day and Julie did not stop smiling throughout.  I did not stop crying!  People kept asking me on the run up to the day “Will you be emotional when your sister gets married?” and I said no.  I really did not think that I would be but as soon as I woke up that morning the tears welled up.  I could not look at Julie without crying.  She was so beautiful and I felt so so proud.  My little sister was a bride and now she is a wife!  Congratulations again Mrs Newsome!

Esther and William seem to be surviving their first cold without needing medical intervention

I think that they both have the same cold on top of which they are teething but oh how different they behave!! Esther is quietly getting on with life while William is letting everyone know that he is not very well!  So so different.  He is definitely suffering though our William.  He screams with pain and his cheeks are red raw.  He is also a total snot monster and seems to be off his food.  But I am thankful, so thankful, that 3 days in and he does not seem to be getting worse.  I am hoping that this time hospitalisation has been avoided.  Touch wood!

Esther and William are now sleeping in a big cot!

When we got home from the wedding on Sunday night we did not rebuild the bedside co-sleeper instead we transferred both babies into one traditional wooden cot.  It is still beside our bed to make night feeding easier but it is a big, proper babies cot.  They sleep side by side horizontally across the cot.  We plan to keep them together until after our wedding in September when they will be one year corrected age, then they will  graduate again to a cot bed of their very own!

This blog has entered the Wikio Top 500 Parenting Blogs at 396!!!

Today I received an email telling me that my blog has entered the Top 500 of the Wikio UK Blog Ranking in the category of Parenting.  Woo Hoo! And when I checked my ranking it is 396!  This has not only made me cheerful, it has made me determined to be a better blogger and to make my way up the ranks!  One can only try!  One of the things that I am hoping to do is move my blog and rename it to make it more memorable and appropriate for the content it now includes.  I have a website as well as this blog called Edspire and so may combine the two and host my writing there.

My Mum is coming to stay!

My parents live in Spain and though we seem them quite regularly it is not the same as having them here when I need them.  Subconsciously I think that this has been really getting to me since my operation and the babies being born.  It has, from my point of view, really affected my relationship with my parents.  Today I made the first step in putting things right by asking my Mum to come and stay.  I should have done it weeks ago as we have desperately needed help but something inside me just wouldn’t let that be.  Now I have realised, through Esther actually, that this is not the right way to be.  I loved my Nan more than all the world and my children deserve to have a chance at a similar relationship with theirs.  Also, I would hate it if Esther acted toward me as I have been doing to my Mum recently.  I have to move on from the bad birth of Esther and William and do everything I can to give them the good life they deserve.  David’s family are wonderful but I want Esther and William to know my side of the family too, and I want my Mum and I to be friends, something I don’t think we have ever been.  Lets hope that we can all start again and make things work as they should x That really will be something to be cheerful about!

Dear Parents of Twins …

Posted on by

13

If you are a Mummy or Daddy of twins, please read this post and if you can, please reply.

Esther and William are now nearly 7 months old.  They are good babies on the whole though William can be quite easy to upset and hard to settle sometimes.  At the moment they are both teething and we are 2 days in to their first ever cold.  I am trying so hard to be a good Mum but even with the support of my work from home partner I am still finding it incredibly hard.  I was wondering if anyone had any ideas for making things easier?

This week is particularly bad because of the illness and teething but I often find myself exhausted with too much to do and wondering what I can do to make this work.

I love my children dearly and I want to do right by them but increasingly I am feeling that I just don’t know how.

We have had a hard start to parenting, David and I.  The twins’ arrived early after major abdominal surgery for me, from which I am not sure I have ever really recovered physically or emotionally.  59 days in NICU also took their toll and though it is wonderful having our babies home now it has been lonely through the winter months as we have tried our best to protect them from infection and diseaase.  And winter is not over yet!

I know I am sounding desperate and I don’t mean to.  I know that after 5 cycles of IVF I really am the luckiest girl in the world to have two beautiful babies, a boy and a girl, our family could be complete.  I am grateful and I count my blessings every day but I do not feel that I am appreciating the babies or motherhood as I should.  I don’t feel that I ever have the time.

I envy mothers of single babies and think how much easier life must be with one.  How you can meet one child’s needs, hug them as soon as they cry and hold them as long as they need.  I feel that I am cutting myself in two and always feel that one babies’ needs are not being met.  William is so ill at the moment he should be in my arms all the time but Esther needs me too and she does not complain so quiet and good natured is she, but I am aware and I feel torn.  Why can I not be a good enough mother for two?

And I am not alone by any means.  David is home most days but he is trying to run his business.  I feel so guilty taking up his time but we need him every day, he feels guilty if he does not help, but he is also impatient to be focusing on his work.

On a good day I am fine alone and I enjoy being Mummy, on a difficult day I struggle but I still enjoy the challenges that being a Mummy brings, on a bad day it is awful and I often end up in tears. 

Today is one of those days.  Even David, the calm one, is frustrated today as he is getting nothing done.  He wants me to get help. With the babies, with the house, help?

It is 21.45 and we have only just got both babies to sleep.  We have had dinner but I cannot easily get in or out of the lounge because of baby stuff, David is still working at his computer and I am about to drink yet another cold cup of tea.  My airing cupboard is full of damp washing that needs sorting and the bathroom is full of more washing to do.  We are not unpacked from last weekend away and the babies are being fed from packets and jars.  I am about to eat my fifth cereal bar of the day.  Trying to lose weight is just not going to work!

I thought long and hard about posting this.  I am hoping that someone will read it who will know what we should do. 

I want to enjoy my children.  Have time to play with them.  I want to wake up from a whole nights sleep feeling like I could take on the world.  I used to feel like that once.

We do have good days.  We have good moments in most days but dark dark shadows loom over them.  We laugh together, we play, we read and we sing. We cuddle and we chat.  I know that I am a good Mum, a potentially excellent one I am just scared that right now I am losing my way. 

When I was pregnant I imagined the singing, the stories, wearing a baby round the house, walks to the park, coffee with friends, baby groups and classes, making friends with other new Mums …

As it is I will go to bed in a minute, the house still a mess, the washing undone, I will wake through the night to feed and in the morning this will start all over again and before we know it it will be bath time.  I will probably have spoken to no one apart from increasingly short exchanges with David about how we need help!

If you are reading this and you are a parent of twins please please let me know how you make it work because I want to make this family a happy one.  Please point us in the right direction.