Today I am 18+4 and though I am still not feeling any miovement I do have a definite bump – as you can see! Last Tuesday, a week ago now, I saw the midwife and heard the little squidger’s heartbeat. … Continue reading
Today is World Prematurity Awareness Day, a day to stop and think about those babies born too soon. I write about prematurity regularly on this blog and work hard to support Bliss and the fabulous work they do supporting premature … Continue reading
What a difference a year makes!
We have just had a lovely evening with family, fireworks, a bonfire and hot dogs.
There is something wonderful about bonfire night.
I have fond memories of this night as a child. My parents hosted our family bonfire nights serving hot dogs and steaming mugs of soup as I did tonight. We would all stand around a bonfire and have sparklers too.
Tonight we had a very smoky bonfire and some fireworks too. William loved the fireworks but Esther was not so sure.
Last night we did not have fireworks of the conventional kind but I did suffer an emotional outburst of my own.
What a difference a year makes!
I had a bit of a meltdown yesterday.
I am just so tired and the babies were screaming all day and I just lost it and screamed back.
I had been home alone with them for 8 hours and had had a couple of bad nights and was just exhausted.
I felt so terrible that I burst into tears and sobbed til David came home and found me.
I scared myself.
It just doesn’t seem to be getting any easier.
I always thought that I would be a good Mum and would find this something I enjoyed but at the moment it just feels like hard work and I feel sad a lot of the time and then I feel guilty for feeling sad.
I am frustrated that the babies have no clue who I am.
I am scared that I am not going to be a very good Mum.
I want to be better, I want things to get better.
Sorry for the rant. I just wanted to get in touch with someone and let off some steam and hope for a friendly reply.
I sound so ungrateful don’t I?
I’m not, I love the babies so much and I am so thankful for them but they really are such hard work and at the moment for very little in return.
Rubbish day x
Regular readers of Edspire will know that Bliss is a charity close to our hearts. Esther and William were born at 27 weeks gestation and the support that I received from Bliss and the friends I made through their forums … Continue reading
My nephew Toby is doing really well at home with his Mummy and Daddy. My sister is very good at sending daily updates just as I did when Esther and William first came home. With family all over the world … Continue reading
Obviously Esther and William cannot talk very much at the moment being just 15 months old and only a year corrected. They have the odd word such as duck and star and ball. All the important things! But they cannot … Continue reading
Esther and William are today 12 months corrected and 15 months actual age. It is always a worry working out their milestones against their age because for some things they are about where they should be for their corrected age … Continue reading
This is Esther when she was 8 days old and 8 days into her 59 day stay in NICU at the William Harvey Hospital in Ashford, Kent. She was not there entirely alone, she had her twin brother, William, in … Continue reading
One Saturday afternoon, at about 25 weeks, we were reorganising our house, ready for the babies, with help from my Dad when Jennie suddenly started experiencing lots of pain. It quickly became worse and we drove to the hospital. I … Continue reading
When sorting through my wallet I found our annual tickets for Leeds Castle. They have expired. It has been over a year since that birthday when we took Esther and William out for one of their very first outings. This … Continue reading