Tonight I start my Christmas Gift Guides With the hardest gift to buy each year A gift for our daughter Who is no longer here Here are 10 ideas 10 Gifts for a baby in the sky At Christmas time … Continue reading
Today we have been visited by social services Someone anonymously called NSPCC Expressing concern for the emotional wellbeing of our children Saying that they think the children are isolated We have no idea who the anonymous caller is Though we … Continue reading
This week is Safer Sleep Week An annual event run by The Lullaby Trust The aim is to raise awareness of how we can ensure That all babies are sleeping in the safest environments possible When you fall pregnant And … Continue reading
Not surprisingly Since discovering my 9 month old daughter Dead in her cot My view on life has changed somewhat It is officially diagnosed as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder With severe anxiety In reality this means I am scared of … Continue reading
When a baby dies All the songs become about them Missing you Loving you Without you Needing you Angels Baby When a baby dies All the songs are about them But some hurt more than others Some hit harder home … Continue reading
I feel like I am drowning I feel like my lungs are starved of air My blood lacking the oxygen it so desperately needs to survive I can feel myself spiralling out of control Self destruction mode Full throttle I … Continue reading
There is nothing I can do today
Nothing I can say
To ease the pain that’s in your heart
Because our daughter was stolen away
There is nothing I can say today
Nothing I can do
I wish I had the power
To make our baby dying be untrue
There is so much I want to say
So many things to tell you
About the amazing man you are
How I could never be without you
I am sorry Tilda is not here today
Her chubby limbs
Her cheeky grin
I am sorry nothing can feel right today
That you are hurting so much within
I hope it helps to know we love you
Are in awe of all you say and do
Your strength courage and bravery
For helping us make it through
These last few years have not been easy
We have shared our darkest days
You always manage to stay strong for us all
I admire you, am constantly amazed
And I am proud that you are mine
I am proud of what we are
I am proud of us as a family
That we have come so far
And I know you are the heart of us
You keep us breathing, keep us strong
I want you to know that I love you
And will do my whole life long
It may sound corny to others
You may not believe it is true
But you are my hero, my inspiration
No one and nothing compares to you
I am sorry we don’t have Tilda
I am sorry she had to die
I am sorry days that should be happy days
Make us want to hide away and cry
I am sorry I am rubbish
That I find it so hard to just be
Thank you for holding us together
For putting up with me
It breaks my heart
I cannot do
The one thing that we need
To bring our baby daughter back
So our two children can again be three
And soon we welcome baby four
Our daughter number three
A time that will be hard for all of us
But also a time we might be happy
It hurts so much without Tilda here
Seeing all she will never see
Our family will always be missing
All the things that she should be
Snow Angel
And we will always be missing
The things she should have given to us
Her warmth, her humour, her cheeky smile
A life full of laughter and love
You are a wonderful husband
A remarkable father too
We all honour and respect all that you are
And with all that we are we adore you
Today and every single day
We honour, respect and adore you
We adore you x
Next week is Father’s Day It is one of those days in our house That is really really hard David and I are lucky in that we both still have our Dads But for David Fatherhood has not been easy … Continue reading
A combination of holiday comedown Missing Matilda Mae And being very pregnant Seem to have left me broken I think I have forgotten how to be a Mummy For the first time in ages I am home alone with Esther … Continue reading
It was a risk coming back here Coming at all Coming to the place where it all began Seven years ago we came My first family holiday With my family to be David and I had known each other Only … Continue reading