Category Archives: daughter

Great Big Ants in Your Pants!

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After what can only be described as a horrible morning and early afternoon, our late afternoon was saved by reading books.

Part of my over tired, over emotional state led to me feeling a little jealous of my Mum. Stupid, I know! She is staying with us at the moment to help with the babies. Because she always gets a good night’s sleep she is so full of energy to play with Esther and William while I can barely speak out loud I am so shattered. I pathetically got to thinking that Esther and William might prefer being with her than with me! She is just so loud and so much fun!

Anyway, William was playing with my Mum when I sat down with Esther to read a book. As I started reading aloud William stopped playing and with the saddest face looked over to where we were and listened to the story too. That tiny moment, that one loving look just melted my heart. He continued to listen to the story, never not watching, from the other side of the room. When I finished reading to Esther I read to William too, the same story and one other. It was such a special time, reading with my son and daughter, that it totally made up for the rest of the day. It also made me realise that no matter what, only I will ever be their Mummy, and that counts for a LOT!!

I would like to share with you now, the books that made it all better.

Tell Me What It’s Like To Be Big by Joyce Dunbar
This is a lovely story about a little girl who wants to be bigger. When her brother tells her of all the things she might do when she is grown the little girl realises that perhaps she would rather stay small after all. A lovely tale about growing up with a subtle message of not growing up too fast. This was beautiful to read as a mother snuggled up to a son and daughter who are growing and changing every day.

Ants in Your Pants by Julia Jarman and Guy Parker-Rees
This is a fun book for reading out loud. It is written with great rhythm and rhyme. The characters are very funny and the pictures are bright and colourful. This is one that can be shared over and over again and every time you will notice something new. A great funny book full of knickers to make you giggle!

We Wanna Be Together!!

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This weekend the Rewind asks us to think back to August and share a post from then.

August 2010 saw me spend every day in NICU/SCBU with Esther and William.

The post I have chosen to share reflects on a very special day when the twins were reunited for the first time outside of the womb.

Please read REUNITED

Reasons to be Cheerful

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Reasons to be Cheerful at Mummy From the Heart

After a not so cheery week last week I am back this week and full of beans. Hurrah!

This week has been a good week and I am hopeful that next week is going to be a good one too and so we are full of cheer in the Nairn/Henley household. Here are the main reasons why …

We have a beautiful new addition to the family. Our beautiful niece Diya Isabella was born on the 21st February, a very special and healthy baby girl, weighing a little over 7lbs. We were lucky enough to go and meet her on Saturday and she is just so cute. She is all tiny and curled up and new to the world. She has the softest, darkest hair that curls round the nape of her neck. She has long crinkly fingers and such delicate little features. She is still all floppy and new and it is impossible not to love her. We are so pleased and proud to welcome her to the family and especially pleased that Esther has a little girl cousin who is so close to her in age, and will be even closer in development. Welcome to the world Diya Isabella, we look forward to watching you grow x

My Mum is staying with us at the moment meaning that David has more time to work and I am able to get out and about more with the twins. So far we have been to Ashford shopping, Leeds Castle for coffee and cake and today we are going into Maidstone for a walk around. All of this outing and abouting has been made even more special by the fact that the sun is shining and spring is definitely on its way. This also signals the end of cold and flu season and a slight relaxing of our self imposed isolation. The twins can come out of hiding and finally embrace the world!

Esther and William had some professional photographs taken with Paul Barsby in Ashford and the results are stunning. We had the session as part of the Cherubs programme but could not resist buying some extra prints of our own. The portraits are great, don’t you agree?

Have you had a week as cheery as mine, perhaps you need an extra slice of cheer this week, whichever, why not pop over to Mummy From The Heart‘s Linky and see what is making a smile this week.

Music I Want My Children to Listen To – Robbie Williams

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He’s the One!!!

I have loved Robbie Williams for as long as I can remember from his early days in Take That to his amazing solo career and back into the arms of his buddies in Take That. 

I love his songs and adore his personality, that cheeky chappy, very naughty boy next door.  I think he always comes across well on television and his live shows are fantastic.  He is a natural all round performer and a true show man, which is something I admire and like.

I saw Robbie live at Roundhay Park for my 30th birthday.  It was amazing, a great exhausting day and night with my wee sis.  We had a great time bouncing to the Basement Jaxx and singing every word of the Robbie repertoire.  One of the best days and nights of my life and one never to be forgotten.

Made even more special as I shared with my little sister, Julie.  I cried when she gave me the tickets for my birthday and we queued from early in the morning so that we could get somewhere close to the front.

Robbie owned the stage as he always does and we were in awe and amazed.  He put on a real show and I felt that it was just for me, for my birthday.  It was just wonderful and sealed my obsession with Robbie.

I want my children to enjoy his music, to know all the words to the ballads and miror the moves from his dance tracks.  I want them to bounce to Let Me Entertain You and cry as soon as Angels begins.

I hope they have No Regrets and are One of God’s Better People.

I want my children to listen to Robbie Williams and see him perform even if only on television.

What music do you want your children to listen to?

GhostWriterMummy

I Believe

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I believe in me

I am strong, I will fight for what I believe in

I am love, I cannot love you more

I am warmth, I beam with love and pride

I am loyalty, I will always be by your side

I listen

I learn

I am for keeps

I believe that I will always be here

I believe in you

You are our protector, you hold us in your arms

You are our provider, of all things big and small

You are our comforter, you are always by our side

You are our entertainer, you make us laugh, smile, sing and dance

You are our centre, in everything we see, think and do

I want to keep you

I believe you will always be here

I believe in them

The future

The sunshine of our day

Our inspiration

The reason

Our heartbeats

Our love

Can we keep them?

So tiny, so precious?

I believe they will always be here

I believe in us

Our unit

Our team

Our family

Our fortress

I believe in us

Together

One future

One destiny

One dream

Four heartbeats

Four souls

Can we keep them?

Will we be here?

I believe in us

Together

Entwined

Entangled

I believe that for all time we will always be here

I believe …

Please visit Sleep for the Weak to see what others have come up with for this week’s writing workshop about belief.

Writing Workshop

I Am What I Am!

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Mummy Beadzoid has tagged me and asked me to ‘Fill in the Blanks’ and explain a little about who I am.

So here goes …

I am a worrier.  I have always been a worrier for as long as I can remember.  And the thing that I worry about most is what other people think about me.  Pathetic, I know.  I worry about what people think about what I wear, what I do and how I do things.  I worry about what kind of teacher I am, what kind of parent I am, what kind of blogger I am!  I let these worries impact on what I do.  It leads to a lot of loneliness actually and to an inability to really be myself in front of others.  Very few people know the real me, I do not let people close.  A fear of ridicule, a fear of rejection.  I can come across as rude to some people, I know, but it is not rudeness, it is shyness.  People find this hard to believe as I am confident on a stage or when teaching a group of children but among a group of my peers this confidence leaves me.  Deserts me and lets me down.  This worry is quite a handicap for me.  It leads to irrational thinking and over reactions to silly situations.  Sometimes it is like an out of body experience as I emotionally react to a situation I am telling myself to stop.  But I can’t! This worry causes me stress but I cannot stop it.  I should be able to but I can’t.  I am a worrier and it is something about myself that I hate.

The bravest thing I have ever done is have abdominal surgery whilst 26 weeks pregnant with my twins.  Although this is not something that I chose to do, I had no choice, I have never been so scared in all my life.  David and I had tried for so long to get pregnant, we had come so far in this twin pregnancy and we were about to lose everything because of me, because of my body.  I was letting him down.  I was letting his parents down, my parents.  I was letting down our children, before they had even been born.  From being admitted to hospital to being cut open took 3 days.  3 days of tests and assessments, pain killers, blood, vomit and terror.  David was far braver than me, he did not know if any of us were going to survive, no one seemed to know what was wrong or what should be done.  I told him that if it was a choice between me and the babies then I wanted to be the one to die.  It was awful but worse for David as my recollection of those days is blurred and I know for him the memories are still very clear.  After the operation I was in hospital for 7 days recovering.  I was heavily pregnant.  My bump had been cut from top to bottom to allow the surgeon to save my twisted bowel without disturbing the babies.  I could not eat, I was on oxygen.  David had to help me in a way a husband should never have to help his wife, let alone fiance to fiancee.  I was so swollen with water retention I could barely sit, stand or walk.  I had to fight on to get fit and well for the babies.  When I was discharged on the 21st July I did not expect to go to hospital again until October but in spite of my best efforts and those of all the doctors the babies were born on the 24th July 2010 at 27 weeks plus 3.  I am so sorry babies that I was not able to keep you safe inside me for longer x I will always feel sad about that.

I feel prettiest when I forget to worry about what other people think. 

Something that keeps me awake at night is my son, William.  Bless him. Born at 27 weeks, now 7 months, there is nothing my little man likes more than Mummy’s milk.  Every 2 – 3 hours right around the clock.  I always complain about this but actually I love feeding him and will miss it so much when this special time is gone.  But it does mean a severe and prolonged lack of sleep. 

My favourite meal is fajitas.  David and I started eating fajitas regulalrly when we started IVF as a good way of eating lots of vegetables.  When I make fajitas they are filled to bursting with veg – peppers, onions, mushrooms, chillies, tomatoes, spinach.  We have lots of different varieties of mushroom and they are really filling and flavoursome.  We started IVF in January 2009 and we still eat fajitas at least once a week even now.  Yum – Yum!

The way to my heart is to surprise me.  Tell me something nice, make me laugh, write me a story, cook me a meal.  Be thoughtful and kind and spontaneous.  Treat me in some way, make me smile.  Show that you have been thinking about me enough to plan a surprise no matter how small.  Do this and my heart will be yours x

I would like to be thinner.  Since starting IVF and being pregnant I have gained over a stone in weight.  It is coming off slowly but I still have a way to go before our wedding in September.  I am struggling to lose weight and tone my stomach because of the scars from surgery.  I will keep working at it and hope that by September I will be somewhere near to where I used to be in tone and weight.  If not, well, I have two beautiful babies to show for it, and at the end of the day, I am alive.

This is me, I am what I am.

Thank you Mummy Beadzoid for the questions x

Listography – My Perfect Day

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I am so thankful to have this to do today as I am having the worst few days ever with Esther and William, well William really.  He is teething with a temperature and refusing to eat or sleep.  I love him with  all my heart but he is exhausting at the moment as he is often inconsolable.  David works from home and is getting increasingly stressed that he is needed to help with the babies rather than focus all his attentions on his work.  I think we are both nearing breaking point, so taking 5 minutes (albeit with William in my arms!) to ponder on what would be a perfect day for me right now is a really rather nice thing to do.

What would make my perfect day right now?

1 – I would wake up to a warm, sunny morning.  The babies would wake smiling in their cot and we would go downstairs where I would put them down to play on the lawn whilst I got a breakfast of coffee, orange juice, fruit and croissants.  I would sit in the warmth of the sun and watch my children playing happily together.  It would be quiet apart from their beautiful coos and babbles.  There would be periods of warm hazy silence.

2 – The postman would deliver a letter from my sister telling me that she is pregnant and that she is moving home from Australia not just to the UK but to Kent where we will be sisters, friends and neighbours and our children will grow up knowing each other like cousins should.

3 – I would have lunch in a cafe courtyard in the sun and enjoy drinking wine and eating finger foods with good adult conversation with a group of friends.  We would laugh and joke and be playful.  We would discuss and debate.  We would not notice the sun beginning to set and day turning to night.  It would be wonderful.

4 – I would go to a salon and have a relaxing back massage, facial with Indian head massage and have my hair cut and styled.  I would take a lovely outfit with me to the salon and would dress there ready for an evening out.

5 – The evening would be with all my family and friends together at a function rather like a wedding reception with good music and good food.  There would be dancing to cheesy music.  There would be fun and frolicks and laughter. Lots of laughter.  Everyone would be loving the company of everyone else.  It would be riotous and yet so peaceful. Like being home!

And if there were just one impossible thing that I could make happen right now, I would like to go to 167 Grange Road for a cup of tea, a game of scrabble and a cuddle with my Nan.  Because I miss her so much even now, everyday.  That would be a perfect day.

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