This weekend the Rewind asks us to think back to August and share a post from then.
August 2010 saw me spend every day in NICU/SCBU with Esther and William.
The post I have chosen to share reflects on a very special day when the twins were reunited for the first time outside of the womb.
Please read REUNITED
Today had an exciting start as Jane wheeled in the twin cot! William is making his move today and Esther should follow in a couple of days. Luckily I have started washing the bedding already! Continue reading
William had his cuddle time after Esther. I fell head over heels in love with him during this time. He was looking right at me and making the cutest facial expressions. All the nurses were cooing over him and saying how handsome he is. He is getting a bit chubby now compared to what he has been. He is going to be a beautiful baby boy. Continue reading
4.8.2010
At hospital by 9. David and I changed their nappies whilst waiting for the doctors to start their rounds. Both babies had done lovely yellow poos!
Esther is now on 6mls an hour of milk and it will go up to 7 by this afternoon. Assuming that she tolerates this well she will be considered to be on full feeds and her long line will be removed tomorrow! She is doing so well, as well as a premature baby can do, according to Dr Long. I am so proud of our lovely Esther Grace.
William is doing okay too. His milk will hopefully go up to 2mls an hour this afternoon. He still has a heart murmur and is having quite regular periods of forgetting to breathe. Dr Long warned that this could lead to him being put back on to a ventilator for a while but there are a couple of other things they can try first.
Both babies are being given extra sodium because they are losing too much in their wee.
David left the hospital at 9.30am and I got ready to do some milk. I was going to sort the house out today but I just want to be with my babies!
After expressing appx 120mls of milk I gave Esther and William their first ever toys. Their blankies! A giraffe blankie for Esther and an elephant for William. They look so cute! So perfect. I got some lovely photos. I also put a couple of white muslins in each of their drawers with a white blanket for Esther and a yellow one for William. I can’t wait to have them out for cuddles wrapped up in them.
The twins would have reached 29 weeks gestation today. 11 weeks til their due date when they just might come home!
William’s milk went up at 11am to 2mls an hour. I need to put 200mls into the fridge each morning and freeze the rest.
The nurse today told me that Esther only managed 2 hours off CPAP last night. So William and Esther are both just having 2 hours off today. There is no point pushing them more and making them tired.
Both babies were sleeping soundly this morning. I think it was their new blankets that kept them so calm. Neither of them fidgeted at all. They both seemed so peaceful. I used the time to write out birthday cards that I have been meaning for ages to do. Maybe I should have gone home? But I feel that I should be here just in case.
William seems to be having breathing episodes at more frequent intervals. I am really quite concerned and hope that he can improve on his own before intervention is needed.
Poor William had a new cannula fitted today. He did not like having it done at all. I hate it when he cries and I cannot be the one to comfort him. I love him so much. Once the cannula was in he seemed to settle quickly again and went straight back to sleep.
My plan for today is as follows
12 – lunch, 12.30 – milk, 1.00 – both babies off CPAP and allowed out for cuddles, 3.00 – cares for both babies, 3.30 – milk.
What a lovely afternoon!
And it has been a lovely afternoon!
William came off his CPAP first and came straight out for a cuddle. We did Kangaroo Care where he is inside my top so that we can have skin to skin contact. We stayed like that for one hour whilst I sang and chatted away to him. I told him all about the nursery and the playroom waiting for him at home. It was a lovely hour but my scar got really irritated by the heat of William’s body.
After a loo break and some photos – and changing William’s dirty nappy – it was Esther’s turn to come out. We wrapped her up in her new blanket and she was promptly sick all over it! Her milk has been upped to the max of 7mls per hour and it seemed to have made her sick. Poor little Star! After our very special cuddle time I changed Esther’s nappy and oiled her skin. She seemed to really like it as I massaged the oil in. At the end of 2 hours William and Esther had their blood gases tested. William’s was not so great so his CPAP went back on, Esther’s was good and so she stayed off for 3 hours. they tried for 4 but she was just too tired.
I did some milk at ten to four and now I am waiting for David but have no idea when he is coming, or if Clare, Sujo and Rohan are coming too?!?
The doctor handover was at 4.30pm. No cause for concern with either of our babies. They just need to continue to grow stronger every day and they MUST remember to breathe!
I asked the nurse today about what babies can see. She said that they can see shape and shadow. Nearer to their due date they will make out figures in black and white but it will only be after their due date that they be able to actually see us and begin to recognise us. But what they can recognise and remember now is our voices and our smell. Poor little babies. They cannot see!
Esther is now off the TPN fluid. She is on 10% dextrose and 7mls of milk an hour.
William is slightly anaemic but nothing to worry about yet. He is also borderline for needing to go back under the blue light for jaundice! Poor William. He is not doing so well. He has slept a lot today though and seems to be tolerating his milk and so will hopefully go up to 3mls hourly tomorrow. Come on William, precious little boy. We are all rooting for you!
A full term baby came on to the ward this evening, called Phoebe. She was very cute. The nurses were all cooing over her and cuddling her. I can’t wait til mine are more grown!
It has come to my attention today that I am the only person who spends all day here on her own. I think the parents of the other twins are living here and Eddie’s parents are here all day but always together. Other babies seem to spend a lot of time alone. I now that there are things I could and should be doing but none of them seem important right now. I just want to be with my babies but it can be such a long and lonely day.
3.8.2010
We were late to the hospital today as I fell back to sleep whilst David was in the shower and then I needed to express more milk as I was leaking everywhere! Got here at about 9.30am and the doctors’ rounds were underway. We waited in the parents’ lounge whilst they worked on the other twins.
This morning in the post we got confirmation of Esther and William’s first out patient appointments. They are on Thursday 9th December 2010 at 2pm and 2.40pm. They will be 6 weeks old by their corrected age and actually 4 and a half months old. It is good that they give so much notice and wonderful that they are confident the twins will both still be around.
Caleb is gone this morning. Machines are off and cot renewed! So sad!
The doctors are still pleased with our two. Esther is staying on the same milk and William is having 1ml hourly for today. William will have 2 hours off CPAP twice today and Esther is continuing with 4.
At 10am I did Esther’s care. I really took my time and talked to her and sung to her as I worked. I had a bit of a fright when I found blood on my hands! I called the nurse in panic but it was just where her heel prick was bleeding. It did give me a fright!
At 10.30am William was due his new house. I was allowed to cuddle him for half an hour. It was wonderful! I sang to him and talked to him about his Daddy and all the exciting things they will do. At 11am I went to do milk. I only managed about 100mls despite all the cuddles with young William.
The nurse has given me William’s first CPAP hat to keep as he needs a bigger size now. It is the first thing to go in his keepsake box!
Esther came off her CPAP at midday and William was given a woollen blue blanket. While Esther was off I read her a version of Rapunzel where the princess gives birth to boy and girl twins! As the story finished it was time for William to come off for his 2 hours. He was clearly working hard but looked very relaxed. His hair is so dark and seems to be starting to get long. William was struggling off his CPAP. The nurse turned him onto his stomach but he was still working very hard. the nurse gave his mouth some suction and also some facial oxygen to help his levels. Poor little William! He needs to grow big and strong. Esther seems so much more stable. I love them both so much!
Today I am at hospital 9.30 – 1.30 and 4 – 6. Tomorrow I am hoping that David will agree to us both doing 8.30 – 11 and 5 – 7, possibly with Clare and Sujo here in the evening. The house is starting to get to me so I want to spend some time tomorrow sorting and tidying. David and I are also going to buy some furniture to store our clothes and for the nursery. We also need to collect a cot bed from a friend. There is so much to do when all I want to do is be with the babies. Our babies! Our beautiful babies!
Had a lovely lunch with Michele and Edward. Bought some olive oil for the babies skins, maternity pads, breastfeeding vitamins, 5 giraffe sleepsuits and a blanket for each of the twins. Esther’s is cream and William’s is yellow.
Got back to the unit at 3.45pm, in time to do Esther’s cares. More yellow poo! Esther did not quite manage ger 4 hours off CPAP but William did his 2.
Michele came in to see the twins for half an hour and then she left as I needed to express some milk. For the first time in 10 days there was not a steriliser free when I needed one. I am waiting patiently now but feeling like I might burst!
William has had the cannula taken out of his arm so both his arms are wire/tube free for a while. He has grogeous arms, just like his Daddy! Michele said that she is starting to see David and I in the twins now and particularly in William.
David is coming back to the hospital at 6pm. I hope that I have managed to express by then!
To my untrained eye Esther seems to be struggling with her breathing today. Admittedly a lot of it is to with the fact that she keeps pulling off her CPAP mask, but it was quite worrying to watch. On a positive note, from 2pm Esther has been on 5mls of milk an hour. Such a good girl!
Speaking of milk – it is 5.15pm and I am still waiting to express!
5.30pm and appx 140mls espressed. Phew! I had to use the spare pump in the quiet room as I was quite worried that I might explode!
I came back at 5.45pm and Esther still looked like she was struggling. She looked unhappy and not at all at ease. I am quite worried about her actually. Poor little Star!
William looked more peaceful as the evening began.
I am taking their blankies home again and am going to sleep with them tonight then bring them back, as recommended by the nurse. Will wash their blankets tonight too.
Both babies set off a lot of alarms today with their breathing. Come on Babies! Be strong for Mummy. She needs you to fight through this and grow big and strong so that she can take you home.
I spoke to Caleb’s Mummy. He took any decision out of their hands and passed away early this morning. She is being so brave and strong, hoping and praying now that Maya will survive. I cannot imagine being in her position. I could not bear to lose Esther or William. I love them both so much!
By 6pm Esther seemed to be calming but William was getting upset. I hope they have a restful night.
Sleep sweet our beautiful son and daughter x
Wonderful news! Esther is out of humidity and in a dry cot with a temperature of 34 degrees. She now needs lots of blankets to keep her warm and is allowed out for cuddles but whist on her CPAP not off.
William struggled to do 2 hours off his CPAP today (early am) but will try again this afternoon. His cares are due at 1pm and Esther’s after the doctors. Esther’s milk is going up today to 4mls an hour. She is tolerating her milk well. William is staying on 1ml of milk 2 hourly as his stomach is still distended. He will be reviewed at 2pm and hopefully start 1ml hourly.
Just after the doctors we did Esther’s care. She had a very messy nappy, one of the more negative effects of breastfeeding. After the nappy we did milk and I expressed the most ever, almost 200mls.
When we came back Esther was allowed out for a cuddle. First I held her while David read her a story and took photos. Then we swapped. It was wonderful having her out and it was clear that she enjoyed it too.
While we were focused on Esther, William had his long line removed because his arm was red and puffy. The line had ’tissued’. They will put a new line in this afternoon but for now his fluids will go through a cannula in his hand.
While the doctors continued to work on William I read Esther her first fairy story while she was off the CPAP. We read ‘The Frog Princess’.
William cried and screamed a lot as the doctors worked on him. It was horrible and I had to fight back the tears. I love him so much and hate hearing him cry. Once all the horrible procedures are over William will have his humidity turned off and be like his sister. Both our babies are doing so well but Esther is just that bit stronger than William.
David left the hospital at 11.45am and is coming back at 6pm when William should be off his CPAP. Clare is coming just after 1pm. I am not sure that I will be able to do William’s lunchtime care as it is already 12.50 and the doctors are still all around him.
My scar is still really red and sore. One of the nurses commented on it and asked if I was on antibiotics. I am more welcoming to the idea of antibiotics now that I know I can continue to express milk.
This afternoon I hope to read William his first traditional story, Six Blind Men and an Elephant, if we have some quiet time.
I went to lunch with Clare and Rohan after doing William’s mouth and nappy. I came back to do milk at 2pm. Esther was still off CPAP and doing really well. William’s new line was in and they were waiting for an xray to confirm that it was in the right place. Poor William, another dose of radiation!
Esther is doing so well today, almost 4 hours off CPAP with no oxygen. What a little star! Her next care is due at 4pm when she will also go back on her CPAP.
William’s line now goes through his leg to his heart. Poor little creature! But the procedure is over, again, and he can begin to recover, again. My lovely little man! William was being given lots of medical care this afternoon and so I spent my time with Esther. I sang her songs and read her poems, and she had her eyes open the whole time! She seemed so peaceful but towards the end of her time her breathign looked more laboured, yet her desaturations were fine?!? The doctor came and I asked him about it but he said she was fine and he would expect her to have to work hard at the end of the session.
Both babies are now allowed a toy in their cot. I am going to bring their animal blankies in as soon as I have washed them. I have asked my parents to buy blankets and swaddle robes for each so hopefully they will.
The nurse showed me today how to tuck a baby into a cot, tight on one side and half of the bottom but loose on the other side so they can kick off the covers if they need to and don’t get stuck in the blankets.
The twins had head scans today. Both results were normal. More good news!
Today has been a good day. And Caleb, the little twin, is still here too.
I am looking forward to tomorrow too, morning in the hospital then a break in the afternoon to have lunch and go shopping with Michele. I am going to buy muslins and blankets that can be used as covers at the hospital. Also tonight I am going to wash their swaddling robes so that they can be used for cuddles. It feels so good to be allowed to start giving our babies things. I love them both so much and want to give them everything I can. My beautiful son and daughter. Our family.
We will not see William off his CPAP today as it is not due until 8.00 tonight. We finished the day by changing his nappy before going home.
1.8.2010
Both babies can now fully open their eyes and had some awake time today when we arrived.
Both babies have gained weight, Esther 58 grams and William 40 grams. They both managed 2 hours off CPAP last night. The doctors are really pleased with them both and said that they look lovely. The midwife said that they are very straight forward babies making good progress and we can hope to take a few weeks off their due date for when to expect them home. So they may come home in early October!! David says not to get my hopes up to high and work to 12 weeks so that any earlier feels like a bonus.
Today Esther’s milk is being upped to 3mls every hour and William’s to 1ml every 2 hours. He is still losing bile from his stomach but does this with or without milk and it is not causing him discomfort.
Both babies will have 2 hours off their CPAP today. Both babies are having their humidity reduced in their incubators. It should be down to 50% by Day 10. That will be Tuesday. When they reach this target and their body temperaure is stable they will be allowed out for cuddles and maybe allowed to get dressed a little bit! I am going to ask Mum and Dad to buy them each a blanket that covers their cots and a swaddle robe/hat for cuddles. These can stay with them in the hospital as a memory of their Nanny and Grandad Nairn.
When we arrived this morning I did Esther’s care whilst David held her hand. William’s cares are due at 12 when Esther should also come off her CPAP.
Both babies look so peaceful today.
My operation scar is very painful today. It has a bit of infection at the top, which should hopefully clear up by itself or else will need recutting, draining and a course of antibiotics. It is so sore because of where it is, where my tummy naturally folds and sweats. Nice! I have been having terrible night sweats. I wake up in the middle of the night to find myself and the bed sodden. Not very nice at all but is very common after giving birth to rid the body of excess fluids and toxins.
David and I skipped the middle of the night ‘feed’ last night, doing 11pm and 5.30am. It was nice to sleep through while we still have the chance but seemed to make us feel lazier in the morning.
Dicken came round for tea last night. He is a funny old soul! Good to have some time with friends and to unwind a little while we can. David and I did talk about the babies alot though and showed him all our photos!
Esther came off her CPAP at 12.00, just as my Mum and Dad arrived. They watched Esther while I did William’s care. Today there was something new added. He had a tiny bit of milk on a stick put into his mouth whilst having his tube feed. The nurse today said that this is very special and an important step towards breastfeeding. I also helped the nurse change his bed. I really like being so involved with their care.
After having lunch with Mum, William got himself quite upset, I was able to calm him with a comfort hold and by holding his hand. I love it when he holds on to my finger. I love everything that he does.
Esther had her eyes open quite a bit whilst off her CPAP. I comfort held her and sang to her, and when she forgot to breathe I tapped her little bottom to get her going again.
I am loving getting to know our babies and becoming more confident with their cares. I have learned so much in such a short space of time, and I know that there is more, much more, to come.
One week old and William finally opens his eyes! Continue reading