On the day that Baby Tilda died
I drove brilliantly, confidently
On the motorway
I was so proud of myself
I was a new driver
It was a real achievement for me

After Tilda’s death
I could not drive anymore
I was so scared
Because my post traumatic brain
Associated my driving with her death

They were not linked in anyway
And I can see that now
But the road to recovery
And to getting back behind the wheel
Was a hard one

And sometimes when life is hard now
I am thrown back to panicking about driving

I am a lover of books and music
But when Tilda died
I could not read anymore
And I could not listen to music

The times I tried listening to music
In the company of others
It led to physical pain in my heart
And emotional trauma

I still to this day find reading adult fiction difficult
I worry about stumbling across babyloss
Infant death
Post traumatic irrational behaviour

Trauma and grief change a person
And it is hard to understand
For anyone who is not you
It can feel like an impossible task
Supporting and loving someone
Broken by trauma, loss and grief

Recently I have been able to start listening to music again
I am allowing myself to listen to the songs that I love
And remember the moments in my life
Those songs belong to
I am sharing my passion for music and singing
With my children
And nothing makes my heart sing more

I am reading more than ever
And finding that reading about
Loss, grief and trauma
Is helping me heal

I collect children’s books about loss and grief
About coping with trauma
Difficult situations and life changes
I read them for myself
And so I can recommend them to others
Who like me
Are battling their own trauma
And travelling their own grief path

Birdsong
Written by Katya Balen and
Illustrated by Richard Johnson
Is exquisite
I have read it three times
And each time it heals my heart a little more
It gives me a little more strength
And a little more hope
That life can be better
Day by day
Page by page
Note by note
Life can get better again

“There is music everywhere – if you know how to listen.”

Annie is struggling physically and emotionally after a devastating car crash
She cannot play the flute the way she used to
Annie is angry
With herself, with her mum, with their situation
She can no longer lose herself in music
She cannot express herself through music
She is living in a world of angry silence
And it hurts

When Annie and her mum move
From their house to a flat
Annie makes a new friend in Noah
A boy who cares for a family of blackbirds
In the scrubland near their flats

The pair meet each day and their friendship grows
Through nurturing the birds
And listening to their song
Annie falls in love with music again
And finds the strength and courage to pick up her flute

This is such a beautifully written story
That perfectly describes the feelings of
Rage and sadness
Pain and loss
Fear and hope
That are felt after a traumatic event

This is a book
I know that I will read over and over again
A book that gives me hope
A book that makes me realise all the things I feel are okay
A book that I know is going to help so many people
Who just want to know that they are normal

This is a book that celebrates the healing power nature
The importance of finding a way to access the things that make us who we are
The things that we love
The people that we love
After something bad has happened

What I love most about this story
Is that it is accessible for readers of all abilities
(Thanks to Katya and the wonderful publishers at Barrington Stoke)
All readers need brilliant and beautiful stories like this
By writers as powerful and poetic as this
Showing raw emotion like this
Giving reassurance and hope like this
Showing the power of love, friendship and family like this
Showing us all never to give up on our dreams
No matter what

“There is music everywhere – if you know how to listen – “