It has been 8 years since our baby Tilda died

And in that time I have not been able to read a single adult book

I have bought books and been bought books

But have not felt able to read them

Today I finished reading my first adult book since Baby Tilda died

I was inspired to read again by my eldest daughter Esther

She currently loves all the books that I loved at her age

Carrie’s War

I Am David

The Silver Sword

When Hitler Stole Pink Rabbit

Having recently read The Midnight Guardians and After The War together

Esther wants to read more and learn more about the Second World War

And in particular, the Holocaust

Together we are now reading The Boy In The Striped Pyjamas

It has made me want to read again about the war and the Holocaust

So that I can talk to Esther about it

The book I have just finished is Franci’s War by Franci Rabinowitz Epstein

Franci is a Jewish girl, in her early 20s, living in Prague

In September of 1942, Franci and her parents are called up for a transport to Terezin

Franci could be excused on medical grounds but she chooses to go with her parents

I totally understand that decision

At that point they all want and need to be together

Franci wants to care for her parents, protect them

And she does not want to be left behind and alone in Prague

When Franci’s parents are later transported on from Terezin

It is gut wrenching and heart breaking to read

Incredibly difficult to imagine the pain

When her father breaks down and gives up all hope

My heart hurt so much for them all

As her parents walk on to that transport “each holding one handle of their little food bag”

There is such raw pain and we know they are going to their death

An awful painful goodbye

So beautifully written

When Franci is moved to Auschwitz she feels terror but also a need to survive

She is caught in the very heart of the Nazi Genocide

Her decision at this point to disassociate herself

From the dehumanising treatment of herself and others was a brave one

I think it helped to protect her mind, heart and soul

So helping her to try and live again after the war

I doubt that she had that forward thinking available to her at the time

She was just trying to get through

Minute by minute I imagine

Disassociation was the best and only defence she had to protect herself

And keep her promise to her Mutti to try and survive

I cannot imagine the range of feelings survivors like Franci must have had

When returning home after the war

After the horror, the terror, the deaths and evil treatment and conditions

How do you begin to process that?

How do you move forward when everyone you love is in the past?

Franci survived what so so so so so many did not

Her courage, her determination to survive, her strength and resilience

Her ability to to help others is a testament to the human spirit

The mental and physical suffering she endured is like nothing most of us in this world have ever known

She is amazing and her story is an important one

Her voice is one of many from the Holocaust that must be heard

So that we are all reminded of what can happen

So that we can all do all we can to be kind always

To all people

What a powerful book to begin my return to reading

To celebrate my return to reading

I have bought a beautiful Baby Tilda inspired journal

To record My Bookish Thoughts