It has been over two weeks since the UK was put into lockdown

We had started social distancing before this

So we have been fairly isolated for a while

I have been wanting to write about this situation

For a few days now

But I just cannot seem to find the words

It is the strangest situation

Life at home is on the whole happy and productive and fun

For the children, at least

But outside of our family unit

The world has changed and continues to change

We are living through a global pandemic

A virus that is changing how we all work and live

This period in time

This global event

Is changing the world as we know it

Perhaps, in fact almost definitely, forever

The enormity of the situation is difficult to comprehend

Scary to contemplate

And so incredibly surreal to live through

I know that we are blessed

On so many levels we are incredibly lucky

I am so thankful that we have our house and garden

I am so thankful that we live in a rural area

I am so thankful that we can get out and about

Around our local area without really seeing any other people

We are blessed

I am so thankful that David is able to work from home

I am so thankful that we are a home educating family

Our house is well resourced for learning from home

I am so thankful that we have four children

Though they are, of course, missing their friends

They are so very lucky to have one another

Our day to day rhythm has changed

Our home education life is usually very busy

Punctuated with classes and workshops

Play dates and field trips

We only have one day a week ordinarily

When we are not out and about

To be at home all day every day is very strange for us

I am suffering from not seeing my friends

I miss conversations over coffee with other home ed parents

I miss driving my car and having a little bit of time not being touched by children!

I miss spending time with my children in different combinations

While the others are in classes

Having four children all the time is full on

Chaotic at times

I crave silence!

I miss my one to one times

Especially with Esther and William

I will cherish those times all the more when this is over

The children are missing their friends

They are missing interaction with other children

They are all especially missing dancing

And our National Trust adventures with home ed friends

We are missing grandparents

Great aunt and uncle

Godmother Chele

And my sister and her family who we often spend Easter with

We do keep in touch with emails and letters and video calls

But the children find the video calls a little awkward

Especially if there is no structure

We find planning in advance what to say really helps them

Or using some kind of quiz or game

As a person who hates talking on the phone

I find video calls equally horrid

I am not good at small talk at the best of times

I am not a natural conversationalist

I think both David and I quite suit social distancing if we are honest with ourselves

David is definitely loving lockdown

He is not a fan of days out

He is enjoying being able to work without having to go anywhere

He has been working on projects in the garden

And it is great having him on hand at home too

William especially likes having Daddy around

So far food has not been too much of a problem

I was scared when people were stockpiling

And it was seemingly impossible to get a food delivery

Feeding a family of six is not cheap or easy

It is made harder when restrictions are put in place

On items we usually need a lot of

But I am trying to ration what we all eat

We mostly run out of apples, grapes, cucumber, tomatoes and peppers

All of which my children eat loads of

And also milk

I am dreading having to go to the supermarket at some point in the not too distant future

Apart from one walk in the wilderness each day

We are very much staying at home

It feels so much safer that way

And though I am scared of one of us getting sick

I am more scared of being responsible for making somebody else sick

Our pace of life has slowed down a lot

Without having to get everyone in and out of the car several times a day

We are always busy though

I often find myself wondering how we ever fitted

All our classes, edventures and workshops in?!?!

Now we work in the morning and then play in the afternoon

Though today we went out for a long walk early in the morning

Worked mid morning to early afternoon

And then played

That worked really well

Getting out really early means we see no one at all

And we avoid the heat of the day

It has been quite warm these past few days

When not working or walking

The children are mostly out the garden

Esther and William have created a game called Air Ball that they all play

They love making dens and eat all their food outside

We have erected a vintage scout tent that we inherited with our house

I think that we are all going to camp in it this Easter weekend

The children are loving the freedom to have their Famous Five style adventures

Esther is obsessed with Malory Towers

They play that a lot

William loves Robin Hood

And so he features in lots of their games too

They are having a wonderful time lost in their play

Helped along by the lovely weather we have been having

I try to shield them from the news

They do know about the virus and I tell them bits and bobs

I suspect that they over hear more

But I am happy with them innocently getting through this

At least for the moment

Esther and William do join me at 8pm on Thursdays

To clap for heroes

And we have decorated our windows to show our thanks for all those on the front lines

Edie asks most days if we can go swimming

Or go to the beach

She does not understand why we are suddenly just staying at home

Bea gets very emotional at times

Not about the situation explicitly

But I think that is the underlying cause

She is really missing dancing and stage school

And the friends that she has in her classes

Bea is also feeling the loss of time with Granny and Aunty Carolyn the most I think

We are all sad not to be going to Coombe Mill later this month

For our special Matilda Mae holiday

And we are trying to plan lockdown birthdays

For Tilda, who would have been 8 on the 2nd May

And for Edie, who will be 3 on the 8th May

Edie was going to have a big VE Day party with all our friends and family

Now I am really not at all sure what we will do

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A post shared by Family Blogger UK 😊Jennie (@edspire) on Apr 8, 2020 at 8:21am PDT

I think in our family I am the one struggling most

At least outwardly

My health anxiety is high

Manageable on the whole but high

My fear of losing my children

Has spiked

This is of course linked to losing Tilda

To ongoing grief and PTSD

But I am managing it for the most part

I am more strict than ever with hand washing

When we have a food shop delivered

We wash it all before putting it away

And then clean the whole kitchen

We leave non food deliveries outside to decontaminate for 48 hours before opening

If we have to pass a gate or stile when walking

Which on the whole we try to avoid

Then only David touches it and he uses a leaf so that his skin does not make contact

I worry about everything

For us here

And for my parents who live in Spain

For my sister and friends working on the front lines

For the communities country and world wide

I do worry

I am better now that I have stopped obsessing about the news

And getting out for a walk everyday really really helps me

I hope that does not have to be stopped

I think I am going to struggle when the lockdown is over

I am not sure how I am going to feel about going back out into the world

Especially before there is a vaccine for this virus

I am sorry that this post has no structure

It is just my rambling thoughts about this situation

I am wondering if I should be keeping a more detailed diary

About how we are all feeling and what we do each day

I wonder what the children will remember in years to come

When they look back upon this time

When their children learn about it in school

I wonder what the world is going to look like and feel like

When we are all allowed out again

David is the Director of a small limited company

So there are going to be financial implications for us the longer this goes on

I know that there will be people in worse situations than us

But money is and will be a concern the longer this goes on

As a family, as a community, as a country

I think no one yet knows what happens next

And what the consequences of any actions taken are going to be

For now I am grateful for our house, our garden

And being able to protect our children

I am thankful that we are able to play our very small part

By staying home

Saving lives

And protecting our NHS

What a crazy scary world we are living in

Stay safe and well everyone x x x x x x x