I am finding it hard to know what to write on here at the moment
I am posting more than ever on Instagram
That seems to be my prop for getting through the days
Sharing what we do in the hope that it might help others
But it is also really helping me
We are in lockdown here now
David is able to work mostly from home
Which is wonderful
My anxiety is high
I am anxious about health and germs at the best of times
So amid a pandemic I am really struggling
I hate it when any of us have to leave the house
I lost a few days to scrolling through unhelpful and conflicting news reports
Now I try not to read too much online
I am enjoying uninterrupted time with my children
No hectic timetable of clubs and classes
Just us and the garden and our daily walk up the hill
I miss the routine much more than the children do
They are very happy to be isolated and allowed to go wild a while
We have taken a step back with our home education
I am making sure we do some maths and English every morning
But apart from that I am trying not to worry too much about doing anymore
It has been so long since we last saw so much sunshine
That we are allowing the children lots of time and space
To get outside and be
As soon as their morning work is finished
They head outside
Build their camp
And apart from snack exchange and drinks deliveries
I do not see them again til tea
They are so happy in each other’s company
They learn so much from one another
That all the while they are getting along
I take a step back
I realise that it is still very early days
And as time goes on and the weather worsens
We may find ourselves indoors more
That is when we will do more work
Watch more TV
But for the moment my curious little explorers
Are enjoying their adventures in the wild
Allowing the children space
Gives me time to try to begin to process what is happening in the world
It gives me time to hide and fret and have a little cry
I have been very stressed about food for our family
We did not stockpile
And now we are wishing that we had
I think David is going to have to go out in to the world
Tomorrow or the next day
For milk and fresh fruits and vegetables
Who knows when we will next be able to get a shop delivered
The virus itself terrifies me
I have already lost one daughter
And I really do not want to lose any more of my children
All the talk about death and protecting the vulnerable
When you are a bereaved mother with children who were born 3 months premature
And not so young parents in lockdown in Spain!
It really does cause a lot of stress and anxiety
I also worry about if one of us gets it
If one does
It is highly likely that we will all
Who is going to look after our children if David and I are both sick
My parents are in Spain
If they get sick I will not be able to get to them safely to see them
I am too far away from my sister and her children to be of any use
And also we are not supposed to see extended family anyway
It is not essential
I am also worried about our future
Worried about David’s business
I have no money coming in at all at the moment
And David has very little
I know that so many people are in similar and worse situations
It is frightening
As a family and as a country
I hate not knowing all the details
I hate having unanswered questions
I hate not knowing what happens next
It is an anxiety thing
A PTSD thing
A grief thing
And it hurts
For the moment I think I am going to focus
On spending time as a family unit
Getting done all the jobs we always put off
Lots of playful family learning
Ensuring the children have plenty of fresh air and exercise
Rationing our food
And trying hard to survive this thing
And protecting my children from the worst of the world
And I will continue to share what we do each day
On Instagram with some round up posts on here
In the hope that it will help others
With the certainty that it is helping me
Stay safe and well x
Although I am too far away to offer practical help, I want you to know that you are often in my thoughts. Stay focused, Jenny. Stay strong… and keep away from all the news reports. I think that the fear is almost worse than the reality of the virus. Re shopping: the main supermarkets (e.g. Tesco) seem to have sorted out a ‘one out, one in’ policy and once inside, there are very few people so everyone can keep their distance. However, where you are I presume you can make use of farm shops which hopefully will be quieter still.