Parenting is a privilege
One I will never regret
But I do sometimes wish
I had a little more space
Than I am ever let

Life with four living children
Is far more chaotic than calm
I wish I had two more hands
What I could do with an extra arm!

From the moment that I wake up
The incessant demands begin
Milk mummy, Weetabix,
Poo wipe, story, Me!
An ever increasing din

Life with four living children
Is more hectic than I can believe
But having a daughter in the sky also
I wish I had more time to grieve

When breakfast time is over
Time to clear tables, clean teeth
Get workbooks out, sort clothes for the day
Pack bags, make lunches
Find time to play

Then it is time to pack the car
Packed for a year
Though we are not going far!

In the car there is singing
Questions, laughter, squabbles and chat
It is a wonder I do not crash the car
With all that

And then we arrive where we want to go
Time to unpack, repack and be on our way
For a constantly crazy
Intense kind of day

All needing attention
Love, cuddles and snacks
By the end of a day
I feel so touched out
I want to just STOP in my tracks

Breathe!

Mummy guilt is a constant thing
Feels like I am never enough
I try so hard to divide my time
To share the focus and love

Days out are amazing
But it can be so hard
To do everything
We want and need to do
And sharing the burden
Feels like complaining and moaning
Meaning parenting becomes lonely too

Breathe!

I know I am blessed with my beautiful four
And my baby up high in the sky
But on the hardest of days
When tired and worn
I find myself wondering why

Why something that is so natural
Has to be so hard?
These are all my children
I made them
I know that they are

I want to make them happy
I want for them success
I want to help them reach their goals
Chase their dreams
Clear up their mess

I want to be the one they turn to
When they feel like they cannot go on
I want to always be their someone
When they think all hope is gone

I want to be the one they call for
In the dark of night
And yet I also crave still
And silence
Do you think that is alright?

I want to be a good mother
To my four plus one in the sky
I want to be a good role model
I want to help them fly high

On the toughest of days
The touched out ones
When I can honestly take no more
I feel like I am failing
Them and me
I feel so sad, so alone, so sore

Parenting is the toughest thing
That I have ever done
And though we do lots of wonderful things
I do wonder at what cost they come

I am more than a mummy
I am a person in my own right too
But I do not know myself anymore
I honestly have no clue

I have been lost in the wilderness of motherhood
Caught in a babyloss storm
I have ridden the waves of pregnancy
Five babies I have born

I have been trying to conceive
Pregnant or feeding
For a quarter of my life
I have lost the person I used to be
I am now a mother and a wife

But my wifely skills have struggled
With the pressure of being a mum
I owe my husband so much love
I have much to make up for
In our years still to come

I have lost my thread
I am rambling
I cannot communicate
What I am trying to say

That parenting is hard
And I want it acknowledged
How much I care and try
How much I strive
To be the best I can be
Though I perhaps set my sights too high

I am not a perfect mother
But I am trying the best I can
To love protect and educate
My children with all that I am

So when I am crushed with anxiety
When overwhelm takes the best of me
I am still soldiering on
Battling PTSD
To be the best breeaved mother
That I can be

My sunshines and rainbows in my arms
My beautiful baby in the stars
I have given you the best of me
Better than me may you grow to be
I love you for all that you are

I love you for all that you are

And for all that you drive me bonkers
For all that I need a break
For all that Mummy Mummy Mummy
Drives me mad
I hate it when some time I do take

I miss the constant questions
The narrating and timing of all I do
The cuddles, the kisses
The holding of hands
The company in the loo!

And this makes motherhood MORE challenging
Because the things that drive us mad
Are the things we miss most
When taken away
The things we so wish that we had

So I am trying to cherish everything
The exhausting, exhilarating and all in between
I am going to do the best that I can
To enjoy mothering and all that it means

Love and laughter
Guilt
Fear
The lot
And I am not going to feel bad
For wanting time and space to be me
I am not

I’ll take the good with the bad
The heartache with the love
For all we have and all we do
I will learn that I am enough

I am enough

Breathe …