It is June

Our month of Mae has ended

And finally I feel free

To write about Edie

Her birthday

And being one

First birthdays are incredibly difficult

When you have lost a baby

Having an angel and a rainbow baby

With birthdays in the same week

Almost broke me this first year

I will always feel sad and guilty

And angry

That Tilda did not reach her first birthday

And those emotions are all at their most raw

In February and May

And especially this first year

It is hard to feel happy and blessed

Celebratory

When your heart is breaking all over again

That is why Tilda’s birthday

Is and always will be

So important to me

It is not just about her

It is about me and David

The parents and siblings left behind

That is why it means so very much to me

When people send messages and card

For Tilda

It means so much to me that she is remembered

And enables me to feel more free

To celebrate the birthdays of our living children

I know it is hard to understand

Last year we had a huge party for Tilda

For what would have been her fifth birthday

I was heavily pregnant with Edie

Our sprinkle of stardust

This year we kept Tilda’s birthday quiet and simple

Just us and David’s parents

Knowing that six days later

Our rainbow would turn one

Edie’s birthday day was also kept simple

Slow and simple

With space for us to breathe

Space for the children to play

Two weeks later we had a party for Edie

A gorgeous sunny day in the garden

A quiet gathering with family and friends

And now the birthdays are over

The parties and celebrations have passed

It is time to enjoy our sprinkle of stardust

Our beautiful rainbow baby

Our Edith Mabel

Our Edie at one

At one Edie is still breastfed on demand

She sleeps in my arms every evening

Until we go to bed together at night

Edie has two naps most days

One around ten

One around three

She has those on Daddy, in the car or on me

At one Edie does not do meals

She is a grazer of food at best

Her favourite foods are grated cheese

Strawberries, sausages, meatballs

Kiddylicious veggie sticks

And anything fruity in a pouch

She has not yet tasted chocolate

Or eaten any cake

But she loves yoghurt

And shakes with joy and anticipation

The minute a pot comes out the fridge

Edie is a crawler

She gets from A to B with speed

She is not walking yet

Which I am secretly rather pleased about

I don’t want my fifth and final baby

To be toddling just yet

Edie stands independently

Cruises confidently

And gets carried about ably by Esther!!

It is very hard not to compare Edie with Bea

Who was running around at 11 months

But the twins didn’t walk well til they were nearly two

So I am sure Edie will fall somewhere between

Though not walking she is definitely talking

With a growing bank of words

Not the ones you might expect at 12 months old

She says Mama, Dada, Star and Esther

But also

Up, go, hair, highchair, oh yeah and hiya

Edie uses the word highchair

For all food related conversation

Including bashing on my chest

Demanding milk by calling out

Highchair, highchair, highchair!

She is incredibly cute!

With three older living siblings

She has a permanent audience to entertain

Which, of course, she loves

If they, we, laugh at something once

She will do it over and over again

If she does something that she knows is clever

She will wait afterwards for applause

Edie at one is a happy, sociable baby

She can communicate what she wants

And everyone comments on her cheery disposition

And her beautiful smile

She is

As I sing to her so often

My sunshine

She lights up every room she is in

And never fails to brighten our day

At one Edie has four teeth

Two more are peeking through

So we can almost say she has six

All the others were much more toothy by this age

It is funny when Bea was one

I went back to work three days a week

She was eating meals

Talking in short sentences

And running around

Edie in comparison is still very much a baby

And much smaller than Bea was too

She wears a mix of 9 – 12 and 12 – 18 months clothes

Mostly rompers and sleepsuits still

As they are just so much easier for crawling

One thing Edie has much more of than Bea

Is hair!

She has lovely thick blonde hair

And a long long fringe that we have to clip back

At one Edie knows she is pretty

And has her own little sign she will do

If ever she hears the word

We try to do signing with Edie

A mix of baby signs and BSL

Her favourite sign is Finished

Which she performs with gusto

Edie loves singing, dancing and musical instruments

We go to a Fun Train music class every week

As all the children have

Where we sing and dance to traditional songs and rhymes

Edie soaks it all up and has now started joining in

Her favourite songs are

Open Shut Them

The Clock Song

and

If You’re Happy and You Know It

Edie love books

Her favourites are the That’s Not My … series

Before Edie knew the word book

She thought ‘That’s Not My’ meant book

Edie loves to play

She loves all water play

And will spend hours at the water table

Or in the sandpit

She equally loves just sitting in a puddle

She loves being free to roam the garden

And adored exploring the beach in Cornwall

We need to go to the sea more often at home

Inside Edie likes to try on people’s shoes and socks

She likes pushing toy cars around while saying ‘Go go go’

Edie has more toys than any baby would ever need

But prefers playing with things around the house

Brushes, tupperware, cardboard tubes and boxes

She loves a treasure basket

And becomes engrossed in sensory play

Which is good as we do A LOT of messy sensory play in our home

Over the coming weeks

We have big plans for little Edie

To wean her from breastmilk

And encourage her to sleep in her own bed

It is going to be an emotional time

No more babies for me

One thing I will always be grateful for

Is Edie’s first year

And Bea’s actually

Two blissful years of babies

Two healing years

With clever,happy babies

Beautiful births

And lovely milk drunk snuggles

I think I will always feel blessed

And will try to remember the love of these years

When times get tough

I am ready now

To leave the baby daze behind

And embark on the adventure

Of being mummy

To my four incredible living children

And my forever baby in the sky

Edie at one

You are my inspiration

To wake every morning with a smile

To live my best life every day

To do what makes me happy

And not care if others think

I am more than a little mad

To love without limits

And wear my heart on my pretty floral sleeves

To be in the moment

To find the magic in every day

To be curious

And to try new things without fear

I think we could all benefit

From being more like Edith Mabel

Edie Mae

You are my sunshine

Our sprinkle of stardust

Our rainbow

The final piece of our puzzle

At one and always

You are loved