My anxiety is not your anxiety.
My anxiety is a desire to hide,
An inability to leave the house,
A weight on my chest,
A heaviness that stops my breath.
Noise overwhelms me.
Music makes me rage.
An overwhelming need to clean,
Prevented by a lack of energy.
Paperwork that’s waited weeks
Suddenly blocks all thoughts.
I can’t do it,
The bathroom needs cleaning.
I can’t leave the house,
The floor needs sweeping.
Everything I write feels wrong,
A comment made 10 years ago
Goes round and round in my head.
Unasked for advice overwhelms me,
So I stop talking.
I write online that I’m struggling,
The neediness of it makes me puke
So I write and delete, write and delete,
Write and delete.
I know the way out,
I know the steps I need to take,
I need lists and organisation,
Small trips outdoors.
I need to eat good food,
To drink more water,
To be kind. To myself.
I need to be brave,
I need to trust it will get better again.
My anxiety is not your anxiety,
But I will listen to your way out.
Corinne Hills, 2018
Thanks for sharing this Jennie, it always helps writing things down and publishing it helps more somehow. Xx
This is beautifully written, Corinne. Thanks for sharing it, Jennie x