I am really struggling at the moment
Christmas is coming
And my anxiety is soaring
As I face a full on family Christmas
Where very few people will acknowledge the existence of Tilda
And less than a handful will mention her name
I am always surprised by how few people
Write Tilda’s name in our Christmas cards
It is such a little thing to do
But makes a HUGE difference to us
You are not going to ruin my Christmas by saying Tilda’s name
I have not forgotten she should be there
A five a a half year old girl
Full of festive spirit
Entranced by the magic of Christmas
You will make my Christmas so much more better
By finding a way to show me
That you remember her too
Today we saw someone that we have not seen in 5 years
As I introduced the children sat round the table
Esther pointed at the sky
And said to me
Don’t forget Baby Tilda
My children know their sister is missing
It is not something we will ever forget
Especially at festive family occasions
Like Christmas
I realise that it does not come naturally to others to talk about Tilda
I understand that people may not really remember her
Or think much about her
I get that people worry about upsetting us
Fret about saying the wrong thing
But trying and getting it wrong
Is so much better than not trying at all
So how can you help a bereaved family this Christmas?
Here are 10 things you could try
1: Write her name in our card this Christmas
2: If you see us, say to us, ‘You must miss Tilda so much at this time of year’
3: Go outside together as a family and blow bubbles to the sky or wave sparklers with us and wish Tilda a Merry Christmas
4: Light a candle at the start of Christmas dinner and leave the candle burning to remember
5: Make a toast in her memory
6: Tell us that you remember her and share something you remember about her
7: Give us a small token of remembrance … a star for our tree, a pebble for her garden, a photo you have of her
8: Do an act of kindness in her name and tell us about it
9: Light a candle for our daughter when you go to church
10: Say her name, Matilda Mae, say our baby’s name
If you have a friend like me
A relative like me
If you know someone surviving the holidays
With one or more of their children missing
Whatever you do this Christmas
Do not do nothing
Do something!
Let us know that our children are not forgotten
At Christmas
At all!
Jennie, I never knew Tilda and I don’t know you apart from through your blog, however I remember a particular photo of her, all cosy in your sling, sticking her tongue out at the camera. You were at, I think, Bekonscot Model Village, a place we often go. I always think of you, Esther, William and Matilda Mae when we’re there. Bea wasn’t even a twinkle in your eye at that time, obviously! I wish you a peaceful Christmas. Xx
And neither was Edie, who I appear to have forgotten entirely….. Xx
I have thought about Matilda a few times this week already – I never met her, but she so often pops into my mind. I will light at a candle for her when we go to the church on Christmas Eve. Sending lots of love Jennie x
Thank you lovely lady x
I never met Matilda, I too love the photograph of her sticking out her tongue, it is such a lovely characterful photo. I do remember her, often. Each time I see a rainbow, each time I take my handbag with me (I don’t use any others apart from my Matilda bag). When I go into a church to light candles for those who are missing in my life, Tilda gets one too. You know, you and David do so well to survive each and every day, to love and nurture your family, I don’t think I could do it. Such a strong family unit, even if one cog is just in another place at the moment. Much love and Christmas wishes. x