Where We Are

It has been a long time since I last wrote anything meaningful on my blog

I feel like I have been drowning in negative feelings about the blogging world

Perhaps because I have been part of it for too long

Perhaps because I allow myself to get bogged down in money and stats

When all I really want to do is write

I have been looking at blogging all wrong

In recent times

And it is time to take stock

Up date you with where we are

And forge a plan for moving forward

Making my blog my space again

And a thing that works for me

For my family

In a positive way

My blog has always been my therapy

I need to remember that

Because above all else that is what I need it to be

A release for me

A place to tell our story

To record our memories to look back on for years to come

So this is going to be a rambling post

I hope that you will read it

See where we are at

And where we are going to

And I hope that you will choose to continue to follow us

Continue to come along for the ride

Those of you who read my blog and social pages

Those of you who message and comment

Like and share

You mean such a lot to me

More than you know

Thank you x

So, where are we?

EDIE MAE AT 20 WEEKS OLD
Edie is our little squirrel monkey

At 19 weeks she weighed 15lbs 13oz

She is sitting perfectly on the 75th centile

Just as Tilda did

5 Septembers ago

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Edie is definitely our baby that is most like Matilda Mae

But she is also unique

And her quirky character

Is becoming clearer every day

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Edie Mae is a very happy baby

She is easy going

Happy to observe our busy family life

Happy to play and be played with

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She fits in with our daily routines

Whatever they may be

She just fits

She is the final piece of our family puzzle

And she fits

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Edie is a very vocal baby

She has found her voice

And uses it to babble, gurgle, coo and squawk

She has also just started roaring in a kind of squeaky screamy way

She does this to get attention

And also if she is over tired

She uses her own noises

To block out the sounds of others

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Edie is a physical baby

She loves to be on her feet

And spends a lot of time

In her Jumperoo and in her Skip Hop Activity Centre

She is very happy playing on her tummy

But at 20 weeks still spends most of her time

On my lap or in my arms

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I don’t think anyone will be surprised to learn

That I am struggling to put my baby down

Edie is a curious baby

She is into everything

And watches everyone

She has a definite interest in food

She loves to watch her siblings play

She loves to look at the world around her

She takes such delight in little things

And brings us all so much joy

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Edie is a nursling

Still exclusively breastfed

And our plan is to wean her at 6 months

As with Bea we will use a mix of baby led weaning and purees

I am so excited for this next phase to start

But in no hurry

Edie is still very much a little baby

And I am happy for her to stay that way just a while longer

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She is super smiley

Has an infectious giggle

And I am loving being her mummy

Edie sleeps with me

I sleep curved around her

We tend to swap sides once in a night

But most nights she sleeps through

From 8pm to around 7 or 8am

She does dream feed in that time

But rarely fully wakes

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This week has been disrupted

I thought it was because Edie was getting a cold

But instead she has got a tooth!

Her first tooth

At just before 20 weeks

No wonder she has been a little out of sorts

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Edie now wears 3 – 6 month clothes

She mostly wears sleepsuits and rompers

From Next and The Essential One

She also wears some little outfits

From Lilly and Sid, Frugi and Mini Club at Boots

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Our most used baby products are

Skip Hop Camping Cubs Gym

Fisher Price Jumperoo

Fisher Price Swing

Skip Hop Activity Centre

Baby Bjorn Bliss Bouncer

Jane Matrix Light 2 Car Seat

Jane Trider Pram

Muslin cloths

Pampers nappies

Baby wipes

Pink Lining Change Bag

I have full reviews of all these products

That we LOVE

Coming soon on the blog

I cannot wait to tell you

How we use them

And how they make our busy family life a little easier

ME AT 20 WEEKS POSTPARTUM
I am 4 sleeps away from turning 41

The last year has passed me by

In a haze of four trimesters

Now that Edie is approaching 5 months old

I am hoping to find some time to look after me

Though I am enjoying Edie immensely

I am struggling with most other areas of my life

My physical wellbeing is not great

And my mental health definitely needs some attention and work

This is always a tough time of year for me

The time between Esther and William’s birth date

And their due date

It is also a time of new beginnings as the seasons change

And a time to question everything

I am constantly battling with myself about home education

Am I doing right by Esther and William?

If they are going to go to school at some stage

What stage should that be?

I love having Esther and William at home

I love teaching them

But having a toddler and a baby at home too

I am aware that I cannot do as much for them

As a parent with just one child

I talk to Esther and William all the time

About what they would like to do

What we should do as a family

We want to adventure and explore

We want to learn through travelling

Firstly in our local area

Then around the UK

And then when Edie is ready

Overseas

Our home education journey is a whole other blog post

We have some incredible highs

And some truly difficult days

But the progress Esther and William are making

As people and as learners is amazing and clear to see

I need to just be confident in telling people

This is what we do

And this is why we do it

Anxiety makes that hard

Anxiety makes lots of simple things hard

I worry about everything

I am constantly wondering, worrying, questioning

And it can be incredibly debilitating

I am not anxious about Edie

The CONI Health Visitor I have always asks about that

And I genuinely am not

I worry about EVERYTHING else

Sometimes I let anxiety get the better of me

I can be crosser than I mean to be

More tearful than I like to be

I can find little things overwhelming

I am feeling bad at the moment about how I look

And the fact that I have very little time or inclination to look after me

My sanity savers are David being consistently amazing

And my best friend, Michele

A few hours out with her every few weeks

Is just THE BEST therapy

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20 weeks postpartum and I still look very pregnant

I have a very definite bump that is hard to hide

I weigh around 10 stone 5 pounds

I wear a size 10 top

And a size 12/14 on the bottom

I feel enormous

I made a list of self care things to do before I turn 41

And I have managed none of them

I am very aware that I need to make some time for me

And that life will be better for all of us

If I make myself take that time

I have been feeling a bit lost over the summer holidays

And am glad that term has begun again

As home educators we love getting out and about during term time

And it is also good to be back into a routine with our classes

And to have a couple of days a week when Bea is at preschool

I am looking forward to our family holiday next week

A change

A rest

Some quality family time

I think that is just what we all need

The last 20 weeks have been emotional and physical

And mentally taxing

But I think now that we are in a position to start looking forward

Moving forward with Tilda in our hearts

Knowing that this does not mean that life will be easy

Life is not easy

But we can face all the challenges that life brings

With hope and strength

Together

THE EDSPIRE FAMILY
Our family unit is strong

We have bad days

But my goodness we are blessed

Esther and William are just wonderful

7 is a magical age

Esther is the oldest twin by 22 minutes

Today she has lost her sixth tooth

Her and William are the same now

They each have tooth number 6

Waiting for the tooth fairy

Esther is tall now

You would not know to look at her

How prematurely she was born

She is quite gangly

She is clumsy

Even though she looks so graceful

She is very pretty

With lovely long blonde hair

Esther loves drawing and painting

She loves making things

She loves listening to stories

She loves playing outside and going on adventures

She is the leader

She loves to dance and play piano

She loves singing and has just recently started to find the tune within her voice

We have ongoing health issues with Esther

That as yet we do not know the extent of

We have a long road of tests ahead of us

But we are all trying hard to be strong

And Esther is brave but also not really attentive enough to understand what is going on

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William is THE sharpest tool in the box

He always knows exactly what is going on

He is nosy

And funny

So very funny

He loves word play

And a joke book

He loves maths and numbers

He is obsessed with Star Wars

Top Trumps

And most recently Harry Potter

William loves facts and information

He has an amazing capacity to remember trivia

He would be an asset to any quiz team

William also loves gymnastics

And sport

He loves the idea of sport

He likes to be strong and active

William is also incredibly emotional

Often tearful over the tiniest things

He is incredibly kind and compassionate

Yet still very immature with it

But I think we are starting to see the kind of brave heart he will be

As he grows

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Bea is larger than life

She is like the old saying

When she is good

She is very very good

But when she is bad

She is horrid

Bea is wonderful

At just 3

She can write her name

Count accurately to 20

Do simple calculations

She can keep up with Esther and William

In their fast moving imaginative play

And her storytelling is breathtaking

She is strong willed

She is wild

She is feisty

She is funny

She is confident yet shy

She loves to dance and sing

And pretend

She is always in a game of pretend

Bea struggles with Edie

She always wants to hold on to her

Hang off of her

I miss Bea

And I think she misses me

We are still adjusting to life with Edie

And how we all fit together

But we will get there

Bea is exhausting and demanding

But I don’t think any one of us

Would really have her any other way

She is loving preschool this term

She loves her special Granny day

And just longs to be the centre of attention all the time

She is perfectly three

Perfectly Bea

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WHAT NEXT? WHERE NEXT?

So what next for all of us?

I am actually really looking forward to the next few months

I am looking forward to the reality

And to sharing them on the blog

We have my birthday this week

A trip to Dorset and Cornwall

Daddy’s birthday

A Harry Potter themed Halloween

Edie’s Bonfire Night Baptism

Advent and Christmas

As a teacher, home educator and parent

I LOVE this time of year

Also, all our best memories of Tilda

Are from this tail end of the year

In home education

We are going to be focusing on books

Michael Morpurgo books

Before more Harry Potter

We are learning French

And starting some Latin

Esther and William are also both enjoying maths

At their very different levels

This term we are going to focus on times tables

And problem solving

William loves code breaking

And is working on algebra with Daddy

Between now and Christmas on the blog

I am going to be focusing on

Play

Continuing my Baby Play series

Pre School Play and

Learning Through Play

I am also going to be sharing lots more activities

Linked to children’s books

I am going to be sharing the best of our home education ideas and resources

Telling you about the baby products that we love the best

I am hoping to make more You Tube videos

And share more of our days through Insta Stories

I want to go back to doing what I do best

Which is telling our story

From the heart

Not blogging for stats

Not following a pattern to get more views

But just writing honestly

Openly

And from the heart

When I want to

When I need to

Whenever I have something to say

I want to make my blog personal again

I want to make it meaningful

Because that is when it is powerful

When it is helpful

This is where we are

Stay with us?

3 thoughts on “Where We Are

  1. What a busy and joyful life you are leading, and lovely to read an update. I am completely in awe of how you fit everything in and still find the time to blog. I am a new follower but will certainly be sticking around

  2. Lovely update and so nice to hear you’re going to be picking up the blog again – I love the insight into your sweet family.

    What’s wrong with Esther? Is she ok? Really hoping so!

  3. I’ve been reading your blog for a while and so pleased that you’ve been inspired to get it going again. You write from the heart and each post is always delightful. Those big brown eyes your children have – they are just stunning. My four all have the same, although they are older than your children, it’s a feature everyone comments on.
    I’ll definitely look forward to more posts.
    Happy birthday! x

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