It has been a long time since I last wrote anything meaningful on my blog
I feel like I have been drowning in negative feelings about the blogging world
Perhaps because I have been part of it for too long
Perhaps because I allow myself to get bogged down in money and stats
When all I really want to do is write
I have been looking at blogging all wrong
In recent times
And it is time to take stock
Up date you with where we are
And forge a plan for moving forward
Making my blog my space again
And a thing that works for me
For my family
In a positive way
My blog has always been my therapy
I need to remember that
Because above all else that is what I need it to be
A release for me
A place to tell our story
To record our memories to look back on for years to come
So this is going to be a rambling post
I hope that you will read it
See where we are at
And where we are going to
And I hope that you will choose to continue to follow us
Continue to come along for the ride
Those of you who read my blog and social pages
Those of you who message and comment
Like and share
You mean such a lot to me
More than you know
Thank you x
So, where are we?
EDIE MAE AT 20 WEEKS OLD
Edie is our little squirrel monkey
At 19 weeks she weighed 15lbs 13oz
She is sitting perfectly on the 75th centile
Just as Tilda did
Edie is definitely our baby that is most like Matilda Mae
But she is also unique
And her quirky character
Is becoming clearer every day
Edie Mae is a very happy baby
She is easy going
Happy to observe our busy family life
Happy to play and be played with
She fits in with our daily routines
Whatever they may be
She just fits
She is the final piece of our family puzzle
And she fits
Edie is a very vocal baby
She has found her voice
And uses it to babble, gurgle, coo and squawk
She has also just started roaring in a kind of squeaky screamy way
She does this to get attention
And also if she is over tired
She uses her own noises
To block out the sounds of others
Edie is a physical baby
She loves to be on her feet
And spends a lot of time
In her Jumperoo and in her Skip Hop Activity Centre
She is very happy playing on her tummy
But at 20 weeks still spends most of her time
On my lap or in my arms
I don’t think anyone will be surprised to learn
That I am struggling to put my baby down
Edie is a curious baby
She is into everything
And watches everyone
She has a definite interest in food
She loves to watch her siblings play
She loves to look at the world around her
She takes such delight in little things
And brings us all so much joy
Edie is a nursling
Still exclusively breastfed
And our plan is to wean her at 6 months
As with Bea we will use a mix of baby led weaning and purees
I am so excited for this next phase to start
But in no hurry
Edie is still very much a little baby
And I am happy for her to stay that way just a while longer
She is super smiley
Has an infectious giggle
And I am loving being her mummy
Edie sleeps with me
I sleep curved around her
We tend to swap sides once in a night
But most nights she sleeps through
From 8pm to around 7 or 8am
She does dream feed in that time
But rarely fully wakes
This week has been disrupted
I thought it was because Edie was getting a cold
But instead she has got a tooth!
Her first tooth
At just before 20 weeks
No wonder she has been a little out of sorts
Edie now wears 3 – 6 month clothes
She mostly wears sleepsuits and rompers
From Next and The Essential One
She also wears some little outfits
From Lilly and Sid, Frugi and Mini Club at Boots
Our most used baby products are
Fisher Price Jumperoo
Muslin cloths
Pampers nappies
Baby wipes
I have full reviews of all these products
That we LOVE
Coming soon on the blog
I cannot wait to tell you
How we use them
And how they make our busy family life a little easier
ME AT 20 WEEKS POSTPARTUM
I am 4 sleeps away from turning 41
The last year has passed me by
In a haze of four trimesters
Now that Edie is approaching 5 months old
I am hoping to find some time to look after me
Though I am enjoying Edie immensely
I am struggling with most other areas of my life
My physical wellbeing is not great
And my mental health definitely needs some attention and work
This is always a tough time of year for me
The time between Esther and William’s birth date
And their due date
It is also a time of new beginnings as the seasons change
And a time to question everything
I am constantly battling with myself about home education
Am I doing right by Esther and William?
If they are going to go to school at some stage
What stage should that be?
I love having Esther and William at home
I love teaching them
But having a toddler and a baby at home too
I am aware that I cannot do as much for them
As a parent with just one child
I talk to Esther and William all the time
About what they would like to do
What we should do as a family
We want to adventure and explore
We want to learn through travelling
Firstly in our local area
Then around the UK
And then when Edie is ready
Overseas
Our home education journey is a whole other blog post
We have some incredible highs
And some truly difficult days
But the progress Esther and William are making
As people and as learners is amazing and clear to see
I need to just be confident in telling people
This is what we do
And this is why we do it
Anxiety makes that hard
Anxiety makes lots of simple things hard
I worry about everything
I am constantly wondering, worrying, questioning
And it can be incredibly debilitating
I am not anxious about Edie
The CONI Health Visitor I have always asks about that
And I genuinely am not
I worry about EVERYTHING else
Sometimes I let anxiety get the better of me
I can be crosser than I mean to be
More tearful than I like to be
I can find little things overwhelming
I am feeling bad at the moment about how I look
And the fact that I have very little time or inclination to look after me
My sanity savers are David being consistently amazing
And my best friend, Michele
A few hours out with her every few weeks
Is just THE BEST therapy
20 weeks postpartum and I still look very pregnant
I have a very definite bump that is hard to hide
I weigh around 10 stone 5 pounds
I wear a size 10 top
And a size 12/14 on the bottom
I feel enormous
I made a list of self care things to do before I turn 41
And I have managed none of them
I am very aware that I need to make some time for me
And that life will be better for all of us
If I make myself take that time
I have been feeling a bit lost over the summer holidays
And am glad that term has begun again
As home educators we love getting out and about during term time
And it is also good to be back into a routine with our classes
And to have a couple of days a week when Bea is at preschool
I am looking forward to our family holiday next week
A change
A rest
Some quality family time
I think that is just what we all need
The last 20 weeks have been emotional and physical
And mentally taxing
But I think now that we are in a position to start looking forward
Moving forward with Tilda in our hearts
Knowing that this does not mean that life will be easy
Life is not easy
But we can face all the challenges that life brings
With hope and strength
Together
THE EDSPIRE FAMILY
Our family unit is strong
We have bad days
But my goodness we are blessed
Esther and William are just wonderful
7 is a magical age
Esther is the oldest twin by 22 minutes
Today she has lost her sixth tooth
Her and William are the same now
They each have tooth number 6
Waiting for the tooth fairy
Esther is tall now
You would not know to look at her
How prematurely she was born
She is quite gangly
She is clumsy
Even though she looks so graceful
She is very pretty
With lovely long blonde hair
Esther loves drawing and painting
She loves making things
She loves listening to stories
She loves playing outside and going on adventures
She is the leader
She loves to dance and play piano
She loves singing and has just recently started to find the tune within her voice
We have ongoing health issues with Esther
That as yet we do not know the extent of
We have a long road of tests ahead of us
But we are all trying hard to be strong
And Esther is brave but also not really attentive enough to understand what is going on
William is THE sharpest tool in the box
He always knows exactly what is going on
He is nosy
And funny
So very funny
He loves word play
And a joke book
He loves maths and numbers
He is obsessed with Star Wars
Top Trumps
And most recently Harry Potter
William loves facts and information
He has an amazing capacity to remember trivia
He would be an asset to any quiz team
William also loves gymnastics
And sport
He loves the idea of sport
He likes to be strong and active
William is also incredibly emotional
Often tearful over the tiniest things
He is incredibly kind and compassionate
Yet still very immature with it
But I think we are starting to see the kind of brave heart he will be
As he grows
Bea is larger than life
She is like the old saying
When she is good
She is very very good
But when she is bad
She is horrid
Bea is wonderful
At just 3
She can write her name
Count accurately to 20
Do simple calculations
She can keep up with Esther and William
In their fast moving imaginative play
And her storytelling is breathtaking
She is strong willed
She is wild
She is feisty
She is funny
She is confident yet shy
She loves to dance and sing
And pretend
She is always in a game of pretend
Bea struggles with Edie
She always wants to hold on to her
Hang off of her
I miss Bea
And I think she misses me
We are still adjusting to life with Edie
And how we all fit together
But we will get there
Bea is exhausting and demanding
But I don’t think any one of us
Would really have her any other way
She is loving preschool this term
She loves her special Granny day
And just longs to be the centre of attention all the time
She is perfectly three
Perfectly Bea
WHAT NEXT? WHERE NEXT?
So what next for all of us?
I am actually really looking forward to the next few months
I am looking forward to the reality
And to sharing them on the blog
We have my birthday this week
A trip to Dorset and Cornwall
Daddy’s birthday
A Harry Potter themed Halloween
Edie’s Bonfire Night Baptism
Advent and Christmas
As a teacher, home educator and parent
I LOVE this time of year
Also, all our best memories of Tilda
Are from this tail end of the year
In home education
We are going to be focusing on books
Michael Morpurgo books
Before more Harry Potter
We are learning French
And starting some Latin
Esther and William are also both enjoying maths
At their very different levels
This term we are going to focus on times tables
And problem solving
William loves code breaking
And is working on algebra with Daddy
Between now and Christmas on the blog
I am going to be focusing on
Play
Continuing my Baby Play series
Pre School Play and
Learning Through Play
I am also going to be sharing lots more activities
Linked to children’s books
I am going to be sharing the best of our home education ideas and resources
Telling you about the baby products that we love the best
I am hoping to make more You Tube videos
And share more of our days through Insta Stories
I want to go back to doing what I do best
Which is telling our story
From the heart
Not blogging for stats
Not following a pattern to get more views
But just writing honestly
Openly
And from the heart
When I want to
When I need to
Whenever I have something to say
I want to make my blog personal again
I want to make it meaningful
Because that is when it is powerful
When it is helpful
This is where we are
Stay with us?
What a busy and joyful life you are leading, and lovely to read an update. I am completely in awe of how you fit everything in and still find the time to blog. I am a new follower but will certainly be sticking around
Lovely update and so nice to hear you’re going to be picking up the blog again – I love the insight into your sweet family.
What’s wrong with Esther? Is she ok? Really hoping so!
I’ve been reading your blog for a while and so pleased that you’ve been inspired to get it going again. You write from the heart and each post is always delightful. Those big brown eyes your children have – they are just stunning. My four all have the same, although they are older than your children, it’s a feature everyone comments on.
I’ll definitely look forward to more posts.
Happy birthday! x