This week my daughter

Matilda Mae

Should have started Year 1 at school

She would be 5 now

I imagine her to be slender like Esther

But little

I always see her with dark hair

Like mine

In pigtails

And I have always thought she would have a fringe

When Tilda died

We lost so much more than our 9 month old baby girl

We lost our toddler

Our preschooler

Our school girl

We lost all our hopes and dreams and plans

For our daughter

Life can never ever be the same again

There is always a hole in our hearts

A ghost in our home

A space in every photograph

She is always missing

From all we do

Every single day

We are approaching the 5th anniversary

Of the night Matilda fell asleep

And never woke up

It will be five years

Since our world was torn apart by SIDS

Five years of grief and hurt

Five years of heartache and sorrow

Five years I have battled PTSD and anxiety

Five years we have lived the best we could

For our living children

It still hurts

It will always hurt

Because our baby

Our child

Our daughter

Will always be missing

And sadly

So sadly

We are not alone

SIDS continues to rip babies from the hearts of their families

SIDS is the great unknown

For any parent

It is the monster under the bed

It is terrifying that 191 babies in the UK died of SIDS in 2015 (the most recent ONS stats)

191 SIDS deaths is 191 babies too many

In 2013

The year that Tilda died

This number was higher

The number is slowly coming down

Thanks to the tireless work of The Lullaby Trust

Their supporters

And companies like The Gro Company

Who design, make and sell products that facilitate safer sleep

And without doubt save lives

As parents

We should all be thankful to The Lullaby Trust for the amazing work they do

The Lullaby Trust is the UK’s leading charity for research into SIDS

They tirelessly look for ways to make babies sleep safer

And to reduce the rates of SIDS

They also search and research for reasons

To answer the questions of so many parents

Bereaved by SIDS

Why my baby?

Why mine?

Why did my baby die?

Over the past 15 years The Gro Company has worked closely with The Lullaby Trust

To ensure their products meet the latest safety standards

And provide parents with reassurance that they are creating a safer sleep environment for their little ones

Do you get reassurance knowing that your baby’s bedding is recommended by The Lullaby Trust?

I know that I do

Are you grateful that they are working to keep all of our babies safe?

I know for sure that I am

Are you thankful that their work prevents the deaths of babies and children?

We all are

So very thankful

Today The Gro Company

Are kickstarting a campaign

Encouraging families to say thank you

To #PayItForward and say thank you to The Lullaby Trust by donating a few pounds

Gro have set a fundraising target of £3000 for the #payitforward campaign

100% of that money will go to The Lullaby Trust so that they can continue their lifesaving work

DONATE HERE

And here

5 years on is a little video from me

Offering my thanks to the charity

That have supported me and so many like me

In the wake of losing a child

We would love for you to say thank you too

Perhaps you would like to make a video

Write a blog post

Share a photo on Instagram

Leave a comment on my video

Or on this post

Or you can simply donate a pound or two here

We would love for you to join us

To #payitforward

To say thank you

Thank you The Lullaby Trust

There will be a Linky added here later today

Please do share your thank you with us