Do you know if I were to die today

Very soon my children would not know who I am

They would find it very hard to remember me

If I were gone

There are many reasons for this

One is that they spend much of their time

With Daddy’s family

They spend a lot of their time

In the places Daddy did

When he was a child

They hear stories of Daddy growing up

They know what kind of a child he was

And how he spent his time

Because his family tell stories

And share their memories

My children are told repeatedly

What a wonderful father they have

How very lucky they are to have him

A lot of the time by me

I am not sure anyone tells them much at all about their mother

And it makes me really sad

After the death of a child

You realise more than ever

That any one of us could die at anytime

I want my children to remember me

They will have their own memories

I hear you cry

And photos and videos to treasure

In this digital age

There is no excuse for not giving your children

A visual reference of their childhood days

To look back on when they are older

My children will have that digital compilation

But very few of the photos and videos will show them me

Because I am the recorder

The photographer

And outside of staged pictures

And selfies

There are very few

If any

Photographs of me

There are certainly no

Secretly snapped

Natural shots

Capturing candid moments

Unless I ask

No one takes

And in years to come

I am worried that my children

Will be wondering where I am

Where I was through their childhood days

When the truth is they see me more than anyone else

I am with them all day

Almost every day

I am always invisibly there

My lovely friend Ami

Has asked me to co host with her

A photography project

That means so very much to me

The Candid Mum Project

I have been meaning to write this post for so long

I have been waiting for a photograph

To illustrate the kind of candid captures that we mean

But the truth is there is no such image

Not because I do not want to be in the photo

Not because I think I am too ugly

Or feel I am too fat

Not because I do not like photos of me

Not through lack of time or opportunity

But because no one thinks to take them

This is exactly the reason

I am proud and honoured to be part of the

#candidmumproject

This is the reason I am asking friends and family

To please, take the photo

Please, please take the damn photo

Take the photo and share it with me

So that I can be sure

That when I am gone

My children will be able to remember me

Since losing Baby Tilda

In 2013

We have all spent time

Looking through our treasured photos of her

Much of what we remember now

If we are honest with ourselves

Just 4 years on

Is through our photographs

Especially for the children

Pictures trigger memories

I want those pictures

To hand down to our children

But also for me

Death scares me

Dementia more

And I want a tool box

I want treasures and photos

To anchor me

If the seas get choppy

I want us all to have ways to remember one another

If and when the time inevitably comes

I am certain I am not alone

In wanting to be put in the picture

I am certain I am not alone

In wondering what I look like

With my children

When I am not posing for selfies

Like a vain and crazy loon

I am certain I am not alone

I know that Ami feels the same

Allison Tate felt the same

Sophie Cachia feels the same

So for myself

For my children

For parents behind the lens everywhere

The #candidmumproject is for you

And I echo Sophie and Allison and Ami

Just please take the photo!

You don’t need a fancy camera

There’s no filter needed

And no such thing as the perfect lighting when it comes to the #CandidMumProject

Just snap away and capture the raw essence of motherhood

And send them to the Mama in your life

I promise she’ll thank you for it!

And if you’re on instagram

Why not share them or encourage her to

While making sure you use #CandidMumProject

At the end of every month

Ami & I will share our favourite 9 images

On our blogs & Instagram accounts (@amielizabethblog & @edspire)

We hope that you will be able to join in

And that someone will read this

And take a photo of you

For you

Or that you will read this

And capture the hidden parent in your children’s life

And if you see me with my children

Please do snap and share

So that this post

Need not remain

The post with no pictures

Thank you x