This week has been emotionally and physically exhausting
A week of fear and anger and sadness and utter disbelief
Someone who wishes to remain anonymous
After reading a post on my blog
And vastly misinterpreting the content
Decided to report us to the NSPCC
Fearing for the emotional wellbeing of our children
The referrer and the NSPCC decided that as our children are educated at home
They are obviously at more risk than those children who attend school
It is frightening to me how misguided people can be
And it has scared me how quickly people are able to jump to very wrong conclusions
This week my family have really been put through the mill
Ending with me being physcially ill yesterday
And both David and I have been left feeling fragile and violated
And I am sad and angry about the whole situation for many reasons
Some of which I really want to try and explain
The call came from Social Services on Monday
They would be coming to see us on Tuesday
To investigate a concern raised through the NSPCC
About the wellbeing of our children
And what they may be being exposed to at home
That is all I was told
I had to call David at work
Who rearranged his week of working away
To stay home and be a part of the investigation
There was no way he was going to go away and leave us to deal with this alone
The call came in the early afternoon of Monday
The visit was 11.00am the next day
Leaving a little under 24 hours for David and I to worry
And wonder what on earth was going on
When you are told that an anonymous person thinks you are abusing your children
So much goes through your mind
You replay every conversation you have ever had with anyone
You replay every time you have ever gotten cross with your children
You wonder what someone has seen you do
What someone might have heard you say
You google signs of emotional abuse
You wrack your brains to think do your children show any of these signs
You google section 47 investigations
You google what social services look for on a home visit
What questions they might ask
You try to think of all the people in your life that might have made the call
You think who might hate you that much
You worry how such an allegation will affect your immediate and extended family
You wonder if now doubt has been cast on your parenting
More people might come forward with concerns
You wonder how such allegations might affect your career as a teacher
Your husband’s child centred business
You wonder if perhaps the decision to home school is wrong
Should our children be in school?
You wonder if the blog you write so passionately and honestly
Should be shut down so that people cannot make wrong conclusions
And anonymous referrals to the NSPCC
You wonder if your desire to help others understand grief is misguided
You doubt everyone and everything in your life
You doubt yourself
You cuddle your children more than ever
You question every family decision you have ever made
You question everyone and everything in your life
Over and over and over again
It is utterly exhausting
Heartbreaking
And you wonder above all who could be so cruel
Above all you want to know who has done this to you
To our very young children who have already been through so much
But who are actually happy, well rounded, creative, clever, affectionate and sociable children
You do not sleep
You scrub your house from top to bottom
You look at everything you own
And wonder if it is right
Is it enough?
You drive yourself crazy because you know in your heart and your head you have done nothing wrong
Yet someone suspects something
And has made you and your family and your home the focus of an investigation
You try to explain to your children
In very simple terms
What is going on
Why the strange ladies are coming
And what might happen while they are here
You go over and over what might happen
Until it happens
When social services come to your home
They are very formal
They do not give anything away
You have no idea if they believe you or not
You have no idea if they like you or not
You just have no idea
And then they are gone
But you know they are coming back
To talk to your children
Without you
And then you worry
What if they say too much?
What if they do not say enough?
What if what they say is misconstrued?
What if, what if, what if ….
It drives you mad
Thankfully social services were considerate of our situation
My pregnancy
Perhaps they did like us on that first visit after all
The second visit
Esther and William took ‘the ladies’ to their bedroom
David went upstairs too
There was no way we were leaving our children alone with anyone
William literally talked non stop
Telling them about every train he owns
Every book he reads
How much he likes space
How he is working on Year 3 maths though by age he is only in Year 1
How Mummy does most of the teaching but Daddy takes him swimming
He demonstrated his knowledge of fractions
At top speed
Esther was more reserved
Showing her fairies and all her books
Drawing pictures
Introducing her cuddlies
I was listening at the bottom of the stairs
Tears in my eyes
My heart bursting with pride
That these amazing children are mine
And I decided then and there
That I do not care what Mr or Mrs Anonymous thinks
Anyone who knows us
Knows our family and our home
Anyone who visits us for just one day
Can see and feel the love and togetherness that we have here
We have been to hell and back but we are still here
And we are growing stronger together every single day
I adore my children
I would never ever hurt them
I choose to educate them at home for many reasons
Reasons I know to be right for them and us at this time
And I will not be changing the style of writing on my blog
I write openly and honestly about grief and anxiety and PTSD
I know that my words do not always paint a pretty picture
But they do tell the truth
A truth that should be talked about openly
Life is not always easy
Days are not always sunny
Parenting is the toughest job in the world
Throw the loss of a child into the mix
And some days become almost impossible
I choose to share the raw emotions of those moments on my blog
So that other parents know that they are not alone
I know lots of people will think this situation
Should make me stop blogging or change the focus
But I have thought about it a lot over this week
And I want to carry on
Because I believe that with grief and mental health need to be talked about
I think people should not be scared of sharing their feelings
I believe it is important that no one should ever feel isolated and alone
And if people cannot understand that
Then perhaps they should stop reading my blog
Or talk to me, make contact with me
Before making harmful allegations to the authorities
Our little family have lost a week this week
In unnecessary emotional turmoil
But as always we will rise up stronger and braver
And more determined than ever
Because what else can we do
What else is there to do?
Oh Jennie, I am so sorry this has happened to your family. I have never read one of your blog posts and thought your children might be in harms way. I read truth & honesty and always love.
I love that you share the ups and downs of parenthood. For me, it’s what makes your blog stand out.
I feel that the person who reported you must have really misunderstood one of your posts or just be a cruel individual, as there is no other reason for it.
I hope that social services leave you all alone now & you enjoy the rest of your pregnancy relatively stree-free xx
So pleased that you’re not going to let this person influence your decision to blog differently. Your style of writing is so honest and I agree that more people need to write with honesty and not pretend life is always rosy.
I really hope that you never receive such a nasty allegation again and know that the majority of your readers at least believe that you do a wonderful job, often through traumatic times, and your little sprinkle will be born into a happy family full of love.
x
I think care needs to be taken when using words such as ‘nasty’ ‘cruel’ ‘troll’ etc to describe the referer. When opening your life and exposing the intricate details that you do it is inherent in that that people will see things differently. What if the person, in reaction to a very strongly worded (and open to all manner of interpretation) blog post, genuinely thought the children were at harm? In that scenario, didn’t they do exactly the right thing?!
I believe that you are the first person to mention the word troll. And I am sorry but I disagree. I don’t think the heartache we have been put through this week is justified by the specific post we were referred for along with being a home educating family. People should definitely report abuse when they know it is happening but anyone who knows me, knows my family, knows our story, reads this blog regularly would know that the claim was not a fair one. I open up on my blog as a release but also to help other parents going through similar experiences and travelling their own grief journey. Perhaps the person should have made contact with me first to express their concerns, to ask for clarification. Reporting a family to NSPCC is a HUGE thing to do with far reaching implications. I also think that if a person has genuine concerns founded on substance they should put their name to their referral and not do it anonymously. But I am so glad that this experience has proved one thing. All referrals are followed up and investigated thoroughly no matter how little or ‘open to interpretation’ the supposed evidence.
Even the best of us, most supported of us, find motherhood difficult sometimes http://www.hellomagazine.com/royalty/2017032337566/Duchess-Kate-delivers-speech-on-motherhood-ahead-of-Mothers-Day/ It is so important that we feel able to talk about it openly
Whoever you are, I hope you read this comment as well as the post Jennie has written: loss parents are doomed to never ending guilt and pain. Sometimes it spills out at home, and that is not great, but neither is buttoning it all down until your children wonder if you would carry on without a tear if they too died. The guilt ‘was I good enough, did I fail, could I have done better?’ spills into every part of your life until making a conscious, everyday decision becomes a never ending stream of hurdles to jump and survive. And we judge ourselves – daily – because regardless of the circumstances we always see ourselves as having inexplicably failed our child and therefore by default all the others too. All parenting is mired by doubt and guilt and imperfections and when you are a home educating parent it doubles and when you are a loss parent it is 100 fold. Make of that maths what you will. And under all that pressure, we keep going, parenting, surviving, getting up, choosing not to delegate to school the easy way when that would give us a breather, regardless of whether it is right for our child. And so sometimes, when we need to vent, we let it all out online, in a safe space our children won’t read, to let off the pressure so we can keep functioning. So think on, Mr/s Judgy Pants. At least Jennie has some very good reasons for her cross, worn out and shouty days of parenting interlaced with all the great days she doesn’t blog because in her head those are a bare minimum she ought to provide and nothing worthy of praise. Did you always have good reason? Or were you fallible too?
Jennie,
you are an amazing mum you have gone through so much and you home schooling your children is amazing, it will help all your children academically and you ensure that all their needs are met, you take them to clubs so there social needs are met too. you have nothing to worry about and social services obviously think the same as me.
your blog is amazing and helping so many people through such a hard time as well as releasing how your feeling which is healthy.
don’t let the haters get you down
Oh gosh Jennie, I’m so sorry you’ve had such a terrible week. And all because of an allegation that sounds at best misplaced, at worst malicious. I’m so glad your children did you proud and you’ve realised that you don’t need to change anything about the way you live your lives. I hope the rest of your pregnancy is notably less stressful.
Nat.x
Jennie please dont let this cruel person destroy you – be strong and carry on – much love michelle xxxx
I am still in disbelief that someone would a. think your children are in harms way and b. think that social services needed to be called!!
I am so glad it is all over for you! Not what you need at any time but certainly not in pregnancy too! xx