The last two weeks have just flown by

Literally I have no idea where the days have gone

We have been busy which always helps the time to pass

Not sure I would describe our days as fun though!

Two weeks ago today

I went for my first growth scan

As expected it was a long wait for a very short appointment

The sonographer told me that baby looks well

And that she is very active

She certainly was during the scan

Kicking the scanning wand at every opportunity

I was not at all surprised when told that our last baby

Is measuring up as a big baby

Her head is in the normal range

Her weight is within the normal range

But she is long

And with a fat tummy

Bea was also a large baby so this was not news to me

I told the sonographer that I do grow large babies

But she said that she had to send me for a gestational diabetes test anyway

She asked if I had one before

Which I had not

The appointment was made for the following Monday

Giving me 4 whole days to panic about it

Monday came and I was very grateful to David for coming with me

We got to the hospital at 8.30am

I had been fasting since 10.30pm

I do not do well without food

The gestational diabetes test was frustrating

Because they did not tell me anything

So it started with a pin prick to test my sugar levels

Then syringes of blood were taken

For the glucose test and my 28 week bloods

I then had the disgusting ‘Lucozade’ style drink

Which really was vile

And then the two hour wait

It was good having David there

We talked and worked side by side on our laptops

While waiting I saw a young girl I used to teach as a 10 and 11 year old

Going for a baby scan

It made me feel so very very old

The two hours passed fairly quickly and without incident

I was called back in for a further syringe of blood to be taken

And then sent on my way

With no clue whatsoever to how the test had gone

And I still have no idea

I am assuming that as I have not been called

That my levels must have been fine and I do not have gestational diabetes

But quite honestly

Who knows?

My care in this pregnancy has been patchy at best

Totally uncoordinated

I had to miss my 28 week midwife appointment

As it was booked for the same day and time as my scan

I am now not seeing my midwife until I am 33 weeks!

I do now have a Consultant appointment booked for this Monday

I referred myself at the hospital

Explaining my age and my history

And they have agreed that I need to be seen asap

And so Monday it is

Hopefully with the wonderful consultant that we had with Bea

That is who I asked for

But we will see

I am definitely feeling the weight of pregnancy now

I can still do my own socks and shoes

But it is becoming more of a struggle

I need to pee a lot

And am up and down to the loo day and night

I get a little breathless sometimes

And today I think I had a bit of a funny turn

Which was linked to heart palpitations

I know this is linked to all the extra blood flowing around

And the extra strain on my heart

Pregnancy is a tough old job you know!

I have been struggling emotionally

With the thought of diabetes

The worry about managing four children

For the most part on my own

Financial stresses

And it has also been the anniversary of Matilda Mae’s funeral

A date I always find really tough

The need to pee is disturbing my sleep

We are also transitioning Bea to her own bed

But I am finding that it is me that cannot sleep without her

Not the other way around

I worry about her and check her often

I know that all parents worry

But after losing a child to SIDS the fear is intense

But I know that she needs to be sleeping in her own bed

Before the new baby comes

I am swinging between denial

And elation

That in less than 9 weeks

Our fourth and final daughter will be here

I am hoping so much

That all will be well

And we will bring our second little Rainbow home

I remember reaching this point in my pregnancy with Bea

When I had to let hope win

When I had to let the excitement and happiness rule the anxiety and fear

And I had to start getting ready for our new arrival

Next week I have a Consultant Appointment

And a growth scan

And I want to get a plan in place

For the arrival of this baby

Once that has been discussed

Then I will pack my hospital bags

And make the house ready for a baby

Our baby

I will make the house ready for bringing our baby home

To help with the preparations

I have some very exciting collaborations coming up

And am proudly acting as an ambassador for a few of my favourite baby brands

I am looking forward to working closely with some very special people

And sharing top tips and products focusing on safer sleep

Being an older mummy

And bringing a new baby into a large home educated family

If all is well with our Sprinkle of Stardust

We are going to have a magical tale to tell

And a wealth of experience to share through this blog

I hope that you will join us for the journey

Today I had a very emotional whooping cough vaccine

The lovely lovely nurse seemed to have all the time in the world for me

I told her about Tilda and she just hugged me

I told her about the twins being premature

Sometimes when I talk to people about my parenting history

It just all seems too much to have happened to one family

But it is our story

Our journey

And she was genuinely sad and sympathetic

She asked me if I felt I was being adequately supported

And I had to be honest and say no

I do not feel that I am being supported this pregnancy

And given my age and my history

I find it hard that we are being allowed to slip through the net

The maternity team in our area is totally over stretched

I have heard some shocking stories from local mummies

Until now our care has always been excellent

And I am hoping that as this pregnancy comes to a close

And we prepare for our baby to be born

It will all come together

I have to have faith that it will

And that our baby girl will be born safely into the world

Because I love her so very much already

I have such plans

Such dreams

We all do

We cannot wait to meet you little Sprinkle

We just cannot wait to hold you