Disastrous Start to Counselling

So today I am exhausted before the day has even begun

After a restless night worrying about my telephone assessment for counselling

The call was this morning at 8.45am

I drove out in my car to find somewhere I could park

To be alone in a place with signal

There is no telephone signal in our temporary home

I could not find a place with enough signal for the call

I missed the call at 8.46am

The lady said that she would call back

So I raced to sit outside our old house

Ready for the call

But I missed it by a couple of minutes

There was no number to contact the lady on

Just the Head Office and they did not open until 9am

I called as soon as I could

I explained the situation

In tears

And they assured me that the lady would call back

I sat on the street

In my car

Waiting

For half an hour

No call

I called the Head Office back

And this time they said there would be no call back

That I should rebook the appointment

So through tears again

I did

My counselling will now start next week

Apparently there is no room for error in the world of telephone appointments

I hate talking on the phone

It took a lot for me to get in the right mind set to do this today

And now it has not happened

So I will have to go through all the mental preparation again next week

Does anyone know why initial counselling assessments have to be on the phone?

Even when you do not have reliable phone signal

And speaking on the phone

Even the thought of speaking on the phone

Makes you anxious

I have had such a hard week

I needed this phone call today

Wednesday seems such a long way away

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Today I should be 20 weeks pregnant with the baby I miscarried

And I am missing Tilda too

I would give anything for an easy life right now

I would give anything for a cuddle from someone who genuinely cares about me

And is older than the age of six

Days like today I wish I drank alcohol

Or had some vice to turn to

Instead I will pack up a picnic and take the children to their classes

And smile at everyone I ,meet

Pretending that all is okay

Wrestling inside with grief

And anxiety

And trying to work out in my head

How I am going to make this all work

4 thoughts on “Disastrous Start to Counselling

  1. Dear Jennie,
    Up until now I never commented and always followed you silently. (English isn’t even my native language). But today I’d like to wish you strength and that one day, you feel better and have more coping strategies to help you in your situation. I believe that counselling will help you immensely and I am sure that you have the strength to be the person you want to be. You have managed so much already. I hope that the picnic with your children brightens up the day in the end and it ends on a positive note!

  2. I have no idea why counselling requires an initial telephone consultation. I’ve dealt with two mental health services, one in London then one in Cardiff. The former insisted on a telephone assessment, which felt very formal and made me very anxious, much as you’ve described.
    The counsellor I ended up seeing here in Cardiff did not do a telephone assessment. She did give me a quick call to establish when would be best for me to see her and that was it, I didn’t have to discuss my problems on the phone at all, which I really appreciated. Given that telephone calls are such a common source of anxiety, I really think mental health services should stop insisting on having them.

    I’m sorry you’ve had such a difficult beginning to counselling. I hope that it goes more smoothly for you now. I’m sorry you’re feeling low. I totally understand how difficult putting on a happy front for your children can be.
    If I could give you a big hug I would. Sadly all I can offer are words on the internet.
    I hope you have better days coming xxx

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