As September continues

And schools across the UK

Start a new academic year

I am using my blog

To highlight families

Who do things differently

Who educate otherwise

Using the word as their classroom

Today I would love to introduce you to Kai Blackley

And her family

Can you describe your family?
I have three kids, two boys Lexi is 11 and Penguin who is 9 and a girl, Moo, who is 6. The kids Daddy and I have been together 12 years. Lex has multiple learning disabilities, including ASD. Penguin has ASD, ADHD and traumatic stress issues. Moo has General Anxiety issues.

How long have you been Home educating? Do you Home educate all your children? Have any of your children been to school?
We have been Home educating Moo for 4 years and Penguin for 2.5 years next month. Lex attends a local SN school and always has, he is very happy and thrives there.
Penguin did three school placements in three years, neither of them worked out for him for various reasons. He is stuck in the ‘perfect’ ASD void of high intelligence and low social skills, a place that supports this doesn’t really exist in our part of the UK. He attended a SN school, a Supported unit and finally mainstream. Within six months of Mainstream he had a complete mental health breakdown at 7.
Moo has never been to school but did a year of playschool, by the time we came to apply for a place for her we were Home educating Penguin, it was a no brainer to keep her home as she didn’t attend playschool and hadn’t for a year.

What made you decide to Home educate? Do you ever doubt your decision?
Moo wasn’t happy at her playschool, she is very much a free spirit, she has always climbed and loved to be upside-down and her playschool were just constantly saying ‘No’ which I understand is their safety aspect but she just wasn’t happy. She has some mild bladder and kidney issues and the stress was causing it to flare up, so we withdrew her with a view that she didn’t ‘need’ playschool. Shortly after this came all the problems with Penguin. It wasn’t pretty and has deeply scared our family, we almost lost him, he has severe trauma related to this time. He is a super clever child, he read at 2, he did complex Math at 3, by the time he started the SN school at 4 his teacher was trying to teach him 1+1=2 and he was trying to teach her how to figure a planets mass! By the time he was in his 3rd placement in 3 years he was so very badly traumatised. The placement wasn’t a good match from the start and it got worse, by end of January things hit crisis point. He hit rock bottom, it was hellish to watch. I was having daily panic attacks, he was getting increasingly violent, he was like a wild child, deeply unhappy and didn’t want to live, he stopped reading, which has always been a big indicator of his mental wellbeing. School wasn’t interested in helping as they didn’t really want him there. We decided at that point (days after his 7th birthday) he would be withdrawn in March. He was having his tonsils out and he needed a slow introduction to being Home educated.
I never regret our choice to Home educate, I regret we didn’t do it sooner, I regret we let things get as bad as they did. I some days doubt my sanity LOL.

Do you have a particular style of Home education? Do you have a Philosophy of Home education?
Due to the trauma Penguin suffered we have had to Unschool from the start. Which actually suits us all. I am not a terribly hyper focused person, it’s just not me, I much prefer to go with the flow and respect each family member’s space. We do lots of groups, Gymnastics, Geography, Piano, Maths, we did art and English classes for a period, Penguin does Tap and Moo does Tap and Ballet, we have done some horse-riding and both kids are keen to continue but we need to be driving for that. We’re also a scouting family with Daddy being a leader and all 3 kids attending troops.
We also attend a massive social group with over 200+ Home ed kids on a regular rota, every 2-4 weeks. The kids range from babes in arms to 15 year old strapping boys who are taller then me. It’s lovely to watch Moo (who is obsessed with One Direction) giggle and chat to a 14 year old fellow Harry lover, as happy doing that as she is playing in the sand with the toddlers. It’s lovely to see Penguin run off with a bunch of boys and some water pistols pretending to hunt whatever imaginary foe they have today, while Mum’s and Dad’s are happy to chat around and we share picnics and baby care.
I guess my philosophy has always been happiness, we spent so long deeply unhappy, I have always said I couldn’t care less if he never wrote a word again (he does) as long as he was happy and wanted to live.

Do you follow a structured curriculum?
No, I know many who do and that’s fine, it works for them, but that’s not our family dynamic.

What is your most used resources for home education?
Google and Wikipedia are the top 2! The local libraries are a close third, tied with local book shops! Penguin read’s viciously, he doesn’t sleep early due to his various needs so he will happily sit up till 2am reading book after book, he is on his third way round of Harry Potter! We also get lots of collecting magazines for the kids, we are currently building a minute solar system, a 3D printer, a 3D globe, a body (all plastic I promise), lots of cooking magazines and a knitting one. The kids love waiting for the post and putting their things together/planning the food/learning to knit. We also have a huge art cupboard that is free access. Moo frequently steals my sharpies LOL

How are your children taught and by whom?
Mainly me, Daddy secondary, we are lucky he works from home so between us we cover everything.
We also believe and encourage the kids to learn from everyone and that everyone is interesting and has something to teach them and learn from them.

Do you assess and record learning?
Only in a general, are things going up kinda way. Formally no.

How do you organise time?
When I find out I’ll answer this LOL. As I said we don’t drive and where we live is a small village, so we use public transport a LOT, it’s hectic and requires a smart phone and patience! I never feel like we have enough time or patience! Smart phones and electronic tablets are essential to us for learning as we go. A coin found can lead to a hour long discussion on Lithuania via Wikipedia and google.

Do you ever have time without your children? Do you think ‘me’ time is important?
Yeah, I probably get more ‘me’ time now then before to be honest. As I said we are all about respecting each other’s space as a family, the kids frequently go off to another part of the house, huddled together with their tablets, or doing a craft, or over the (very local) park. I also grew up in a different part of the UK to that we currently live so I go away for a weekend every 2-4 months, sometimes on my own sometimes with one child. We also have rules in that after 8pm is a time that the children should be in their bedrooms being quieter, this is so we can watch TV shows that aren’t always appropriate (Think a bit gory and psychological) so that works well too.

Are your friends and family supportive of your decision to Home Educate? Do you ever receive negative comments?
At first I think everyone thought we were a bit crazy, we should try a different school, we should give this a chance, what about their future? The list was a bit endless. But within weeks Penguin was a different kid, so by the time we didn’t apply for Moo’s place most people accepted it. Now it’s just us and that’s it. We have received a fair few judgemental comments, a mum at a toddler group referred to me as ‘THAT mum’ for a while. A shop keeper of a shop we used to frequent asked us every time we went in ‘No school then?’ in a really rude way. We stopped going to their shop then. Usually, people are just curious, we are happy to answer questions if we have time, a few years back I was stuck and unhappy and didn’t know we could Home ed, if I can help I’d rather help.

Do your children get the opportunity to socialise with other children? When and where does this happen?
EVERY day, in fact some days too much! We are usually out the house most days, we do lots of classes, we do a huge social group and they have lots of friends we see most weeks, their God-Mother also home educates her young kids so we see them a lot. My kids are happy playing with a babe as they are the teens. Moo is 6 and her 2 best friends are 8 and 9 and age isn’t even a factor in their friendship. Peng’s best friends are 11 and 7, he’s 9. Just last week myself and 3 other home ed families took 8 Home ed kids out for a meal, kids all ganged together one side of the long table, there were between 6 and 11 and not a squeak or squawk was heard of negativity. They all happily shared books and electronics and chatted away.

What is the best thing about Home educating and what is the worst?
Best has to be the change in my kids, we went from deeply unhappy, violent, wild child. Moo would flinch when Penguin even walked in the room, she was terrified of him. Now they are constant companions, adore each other and I often find them huddled in one room, on separate tablets but chatting away and snuggled up.
The worst…. I honestly don’t know of one, this is just family life to us, we live and learn as we go. Probably that I don’t have a car yet!

Do you see school in your future? Do you talk to your kids about the possibility of school?
No, at present I don’t think we will ever return to school. Pengs couldn’t go back, besides the trauma he just isn’t suited to that environment and he learns much better in a relaxed and self-led environment. Moo, I think she enjoys her wildness too much LOL, She is an accomplished gymnast and spends hours a day practising on her own steam (family joke is every time you sit down Moo will either have tiny feet sailing in front of your face or call out ‘WATCH THIS’ and do some complicated trick that has most people grasping their heart and heaving out a huge gasp!) and by her own admission school will just not allow her that time. Both of them know if they wish to go to school we would make it happen, but at present neither wish to go.

What are your hopes and dreams for your home educating family?
Happiness, self-confidence and love. We spent so much time trying to make my square pegs fit into those round holes, that system just isn’t designed to accept my crazy, wild, free spirits. I wish them to do the jobs that make them happy (currently those are going to a Penguinologist that has a side as a Astro-physicist and a Olympian Gymnast/Aerialist) and a love that accepts them as much as I do. I wish that no matter what this world throws at them they know in their very bones that they are unique and beautiful and perfectly themselves and that is a wonderful thing.

What would be your advice to anyone considering educating their child at home? Is there anything you wish somebody would have told you?
Endless patience doesn’t exist. It’s ok to get frustrated and have bad days with them, choosing to home ed doesn’t make you a saint or a martyr. Nor does it mean you are a failure and the kids need to be in school. Take your time, they don’t need to keep up with the schools, they need to be themselves and understand their limits and yours. It’s rare that a child reaches 18 and knows nothing. Also, their crazy obsessions, the constant re-runs of whatever show, youtube channel, game or film they are on, let them, it maybe their passion and Home Ed kids rarely follow the average path, they usually have the ‘extraordinary’ jobs, they are rarely the regular beat kids. They are often the showmen, the crazy scientists, the top game developers, the strange crazy jobs that make people squint but these kids end up at the top of their fields and having a blast and their jobs make the world go round and advance.
I wish someone had told me that this complete leap into the unknown, this faith and hope and ‘this has to work’ leap we made, it’s worth it, every single Home ed family I know doesn’t regret it. If it doesn’t work, nothing is forever.

We tend to hang out over on Instagram if I can wrestle my phone away from Moo looking at 1D’s Instagram!: kai_louise

Do come and follow our journey

So not all photos from today, but #happynotbacktoschoolday for those of us who #educationotherwise this week we celebrate 30 months of #penguin being #schoolfree I can't wait for the #icecream and #notbacktoschoolpicnic #homeed #freedom #ptsd #adhd #asd #aerialistintraining #generalanxiety #smallbutmighty #mykidsaremyheroes #unschooling

A photo posted by Kai Blackley (@kai_louise) on Sep 5, 2016 at 4:49am PDT

If you would like to share your home education story on this blog as part of this Not Back To School Series

jennie@edspire.co.uk