11 weeks today I will be 40
It seems a life time ago that I turned 30
I had not met David on my 30th birthday
We met over 6 months later
In the last ten years
We have been through so much
Emergency surgery at 25 weeks pregnant with twins
The premature birth of our twins
We got engaged
We got married
We had Matilda Mae
We bought a house
We lost Matilda Mae
We grieve everyday
For Matilda Mae
We lost our first rainbow baby
We had Bea
We decided to home educate
We are renovating our house
Trying to create a home
We have been through so much
And right now we are both exhausted
I have been pregnant, breastfeeding or having fertility treatment
For the last 7 years
I am shattered
I am also incredibly proud
That David and I are still together
Still fighting
Still doing the best we can for our family
And I want to celebrate that
I want to celebrate us
And the fact that we are somehow still holding on
Loving each other so much
Loving all of our children so much
David and I have given up everything for our children
As all parents do
And I think at the moment
We are both running on empty
There has to be some time
To just stop
In all the time we have been together
I don’t think we have ever just stopped
It is not what we two do
As a couple
As people
It is just not what we do
But right now it is what we need
Some time for us
As a couple
As individuals
As a family
And turning forty is a perfect excuse
To take some time
To stop
To rest
To relax
David keeps asking me what I want to do for my 40th
The problem is I really don’t know
Or perhaps I really don’t know how to say
Facing forty
11 weeks today
How do I want to celebrate?
Here are my ideas
A box at the theatre
I have always loved the theatre. I love to sing and act, and have performed since I was the age that Esther and William are now. I am so incredibly excited that Esther and William seem to love shows as much as I do. As part of my 40th I would love to get a box at a West End show. I think it would have to be Matilda in memory of our Matilda, The Lion King because Esther and William love it so much and have done for so long, or The Snowman again because of special links to Matilda Mae.
An all inclusive holiday in the sun
This is the kind of holiday that ordinarily David would hate but we have a window at the moment, a window of opportunity. David said to me just yesterday that right now he has never felt more like going on a resort holiday and having a week of doing nothing. We truly are both bone tired. For me, I want to feel the sun on my skin. I want to wake up in the morning and head to the swimming pool. I want to lie on a lounger with a mocktail and a book. I want my children to enjoy a holiday activity club while I talk, really talk, to my husband. I want us all to remember how to laugh together. I want us to smile. I want us to eat together, play together. I want us to make memories that will last forever of just being together. I have been reading about Mark Warner holidays and think they could be perfect. Esther and William would love sailing and windsurfing, circus skills and putting on a show. Bea is in a crazy routine at the moment where she has a long nap in the afternoon and is then awake and happy long into the evening meaning we could go out for dinner together in the evening. We have a window where this kind of holiday could work. This appeals to me because I would not have to cook or prepare meals, I would not have to pack a picnic every day, everything would be provided and right now that really does sound good.
A villa by the sea
David and I like quiet. We love calm and we love the sea. A villa with a pool close to the beach could be good for us. Perhaps in the South of France where we could live on red wine and cheese, though I do not like either of those things. I would love to go to Greece. I lived in Cyprus as a child and I love Greek food. My worry with a villa is that it would be quite like being at home in that we would need to cook and clean and unlike a resort with play areas and pools we would want to go out and so not be able to completely relax which I think is what we would like to do.
A return to The Lakes
There is a special house in The Lake District that we would like to return to. Our original plan for this September was to rent this house for two weeks and invite family and friends to visit us there. I think that this is something we will definitely do but I am not sureit is what is right for us at the moment. Though it is beautiful, it is peaceful and we all adore it there.
Seeing snow and Santa in Lapland
I have been looking into this but it is so expensive and I wonder if we should wait until Bea is a little older and more able to bear the cold. I would love to spend a night in an igloo under The Northern Lights. I think I would feel close to Tilda there and I do so long for snow. I want my children to experience real snow.
Germany with my sister
From the age of 10 to 24 I lived in Germany. I would absolutely love to go back. I would love to go back to my sister and visit all our old haunts. We have looked at staying in an AirBnB apartment in Krefeld where we used to live as teenagers. We want to go back to the Altstadt in Dusseldorf and visit the shops in Monchengladbach. So many memories, many linked to eateries and food, and shops, the odd bar or three! We were there at a really important time of our lives it would be wonderful to go back and to do it together and have chance to talk without being punctuated by our children or feeling guilty about boring our husbands. It would be so good to go back.
Peppa Pig World with my children and my best friend
Earlier this year we were invited to Paultons Park to review their new Dino Kingdom, which is awesome by the way! Sadly, I fell ill during the day and we had to leave. The children were so disappointed and so was I as there was so much of the park that we had not seen I promised them that I would take them back to explore more including Peppa Pig World. Since that visit Bea has become absolutely obsessed with Peppa Pig so now I would love to take them all back to the park again. I am hoping to do this with my best friend. We might rent a cottage in The New Forest or by the sea. The plan though was to have evenings to ourselves and I am not sure that would be possible with problematic Bea!
A decent camera and a new phone
I take hundreds of photos every single day. At the moment I am taking them on a very old, very broken iphone. I would love a decent digital camera that is easy to use and that would allow me to zoom in and capture close up portraits of my children. They are growing so fast. I want to capture and keep every moment.
What did you do or get for your 40th?
Please help me to decide what to do for mine
My 40ths around a similar time to yours and ice not really got anything planned for the date. Although my best friend and I are going to go away leaving our boys at home with their dad’s and go to London for a 5 star weekend to treat ourselves (she’s 40 3 weeks before me). But its rapidly approaching and apart from a date that’s all we’ve done.
I’m debating whether to have a party as 3 friends with 40yhs are this year and I’ve never had a grown up party. I feel like this is my one chance. It’s a shame my OH isn’t like his brother who organised his wife a surprise party but just a village hall job with all my friends from different walks of life would be brilliant.
Good luck planning yours
These are all lovely ideas- I wouldn’t be able to choose! I grew up in Germany too (Bruggen, not far from Krefeld) and would love to go back there but I’d like to take my family too! Have you thought about a 5* luxury hotel for a night? Or a really special meal – just the two of you?
Oooh I know Bruggen well! I went to school in JHQ. Used to go out in Bruggen a lot! I want to take my family too when they are old enough to understand and hear my stories. So many places I want to share with them x
Oh wow! Were your parents in the forces too? Did you go to Windsor? I went to JHQ to learn my violin every Saturday morning. It is a very different childhood isn’t it? I can’t wait to tell my children all about it! x
My Dad was civillian but attached to army. And yes, I went to Windsor for 6 years x Happy days x
Seeing Santa at Lapland sounds like the most amazing experience – but then saying that all the things you want to do will be so memorable for your 40th birthday. As a child photographer myself, I would definitely recommend getting a camera too. Children grow so quickly and I think it would be a shame if all we have to show our children in 20 years time of their childhood is grainy photos from an iPhone. I use my iPhone all the time whilst I am out and about with my daughter, but I try every month to get my work camera out to photograph her so that I can document in proper images how much she is changing.
All those things sound amazing and I would love to do them all. But I think you should try and do something for you and David and take some time out.
My birthday is Christmas Eve and not a very good day to celebrate any birthday never mind a milestone one with young children! So I did my usual birthday routine on my 40th and then celebrated it properly in the New Year. I went away for 5 days with my husband, best friend and her husband and we stayed in a lodge with a hot tub in York. It was totally magical as there was heavy snow fall on our way to the place and it looked like a winter wonderland. On the Saturday after the holiday I had a big party with about 100 guests as I had never had a big party before with my birthday being Christmas Eve. I had a fantastic time celebrating my 40th and feel that I did something for me and also did something my children could be a part of too. Whatever you do enjoy it!
Oh your break in the snow sounds magical!