People have always talked about the terrible twos
I have heard more recently the term ‘threenager’
Esther and William were most difficult around the age of four
And Bea
Well, Bea is in a class of her own at just 21 months
She is freakishly clever
Talks better than many children more than twice her age
Has a sophisticated sense of humour
Which includes spot on comic timing
And knows exactly which buttons to press
To send mummy round the bend
She is amazing, awe inspiring
And utterly exhausting
In equal measure
She can count to 4
Know and recites numbers to 10
She knows colours
And her vocabulary is extraordinary
She loves to learn
Is a mimic and a clown
She charms everyone she meets
She runs like a fully fledged toddler
Climbs like a mountain goat
Has no sense of fear
Loves swinging and sliding
And adores messy play
Bea is beautiful in every way
But with her extreme positives
Come extreme negatives
That punctuate our every day
The ‘Bea’ts in between
The shouting
The stamping
The tantrums
Such temper tantrums!
The commands
The demands
It sounds funny when you write it all down
It is funny really
I know this is a phase
I know ‘this too will pass’
I know it is my wonderful daughter
Getting to grips with her emotions
And finding her place in the world
But sometimes
Some days I truly feel I am being bullied by a baby
Tormented by a toddler
And I am not prepared to be punished by a preschooler
So life at home needs to change
Meet Bea
Wonderful, incredible, more than slightly potty
Bea Bot
Botty
Botster
Bot
Our much longed for
Fiercely loved
Rainbow Baby
Who totally rules our roost!
Bea wakes up in the morning
Always happy and talkative
Wanting to know where everyone is
She will either go and play with Esther and William
Or help Daddy with the washing machine work
She likes an early morning snack
And will often ask to watch MoMo (Show Me Show Me)
Bea loves to colour and draw
She can focus on tasks for a long time
When she is in the mood
And when Mummy is not around
When Mummy is around
She just wants Num Num (to breastfeed)
And to go to sleep
Bea likes to be busy
She is very bossy
And she is most definitely at her happiest
When she is outside
She does not like anyone cuddling
Or being too close to her mummy
She will pull Esther and William off my lap
If they dare to get too comfy and close
We all adore Bea
But we also find her demanding
Overpowering sometimes
It is hard to do anything
Without her being at the centre of it
And she screams
Oh how she screams!
She screams in the car
We can have the most amazing day out
But it is almost always overshadowed
By a screaming Bot in the back of the car
I find Bea difficult to manage
That is not easy for a mummy to admit
But she exhausts me some times
Before a day has even begun
It is easier for David
(Though not easy by any means)
As he has no Num Num
And she does not sleep in his arms
I know that things will be better
Once Bea is no longer feeding
And is sleeping in a bed of her own
But I have no clue how to start our journey down that road
And honestly
I feel too tired and emotionally battered and bruised
To even know how to begin to try
And so we are stuck
Me and Miss Bea
Until we figure out
How to figure it out
How to iron out
The ‘Bea’ts in between
Bea at 21 months is in a class of her own
She is freakishly clever
Talks better than many children more than twice her age
Has a sophisticated sense of humour
Which includes spot on comic timing
And knows exactly which buttons to press
To send mummy round the bend
She is amazing, awe inspiring
And utterly exhausting
In equal measure
I love her
Would never be without her
But my goodness
She is a tough cookie to crack
‘This too shall pass’!
I’m sorry to sound harsh, but this really is your fault! There’s no way she should be feeding and sleeping with you at almost 2 (in my opinion) – but each to their own, as long as everyone is happy with the situation, but you clearly aren’t. I think you need to cut that out ASAP, and cold turkey will be best – she’ll protest, but within a couple days she’ll get the message and adjust quickly and forget – kids always do. I just think it’s not fair on your other children for one of them to get all the attention just cos she’s the youngest – E and W are at the age where they will start to remember childhood grievances and I think it’s important to create a healthier family dynamic as soon as you can – especially if you are determined to home school long term. I am personally not in favour of home schooling, mostly for social reasons, but I think it can only work when there is minimal chaos in the home, and when all children are good at sharing and knowing when it’s their turn for attention. Of course B is only a toddler, but you need to take control of this situation now. Sorry to sound harsh – I think you are fantastic in so many ways and admire how much time you give your children. Good luck!
What a horrible reply. And your opinions are just that, your opinions. Other people have different opinions regarding feeding, sleeping, educating.
Agree totally with other replies that parenting a spirited child is not like parenting other children. It’s exhausting, can be soul destroying and it’s easy to feel defeated. Tricks and techniques that work with other children just don’t work with them.
This was the worst reply I got!
“I feel so sorry for Esther and William. They have always been pushed out, first by the arrival of Matilda, and then once she died. They live in the shadow with a sister they cannot compete with.
Pushed out once again with the arrival of Bea, who you seem to have endless energy for, yet not for them.
Iām sure they would benefit from play therapy, Esther often looks very sad in photos, weary.”
I try not to pay attention to trolls but this one got me for a while then I realised they know nothing about me, my children, our family life x x x x x
That reply is shocking!
How can someone possibly know how a child feels from random snapshots? More likely she was caught off guard busy playing so didn’t notice the camera. Or maybe she didn’t want to smile, doesn’t mean she isn’t happy.
I have always liked how honest you are about how you feel, it is just a shame people have chosen to use it as a stick to beat you with.
My youngest daughter is wilful, the boss of our house and will probably end up as prime minister. I didn’t breastfeed or co-sleep but she was still exactly as you described above and her older brother was pushed to the side every time he tried to get close to me. Some kids are just like that, especially girls. It didn’t harm the family dynamic, my two adore each other with the occasional sibling row thrown in for good measure.
Your Bea is clever, funny, strong, determined and probably exactly what you need because she takes up so much of your headspace.
And if someone was describing me as an adult I would hope that they would use the words clever, funny strong and determined.
xxxx
I have to agree with Kim here – I think that your need to always have her in your arms has created who she is – and you are the only one who can teach her how to stop it, she isn’t to blame for her behaviour, how can she be, she’s not even two, she’s just been allowed to grow into this role in your family. I have no doubt that it’s going to be incredibly hard after what you have all been through, but for the sake of everyone else in your family, you need to help Bea undestand how she should be behaving, and as Kim says – that involves a certain amount of de-attachment from you.
Good luck! There is a decent amount of evidence to suggest that gifted/intelligent children often have emotional problems. Bea sounds a lot like my son. He was my first-born and is now 6 years old – I had no idea that it was unusual that he counted to 20 at age 2, or that being on the ‘gold’ level reading books at age 5 was advanced. I say this not to boast – his intellect is a double-edged sword. While his toddler tantrums were more demanding than his peers, it all seemed within normal boundaries. However, while his peers were starting to calm down and gain better control of their emotions at around 4 – this has still not happened with him. School are very supportive and he is in a nurture group, but he still struggles *every* *single* *day* to regulate his emotions. I have come to accept that this is NOT my fault – he was born like this. Life is going to be tough for him, but I am here to support him and defend him. Best book recommendation: “The Explosive Child”.
My second is also a classic ‘spirited / strong-willed’ child – there are books on them, you are not alone! It is just hard when your other children were / are not the same. With my first I thought it was because of our parenting that she was so will behaved, when her brother came along I realised oh how wrong was I – she is just that way, it is her nature! If you google ‘spirited’ or ‘strong’ willed children, there is lots about the best way to handle their tantrums and demands, for example: http://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/positive-discipline/Parenting-Strong-Willed-Child
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This is good too:) http://www.scarymommy.com/benefits-to-having-a-strong-willed-child/
Bea is Bea. She is going to do things her own way because everyone does. She has her own business going on in her head, she is learning from her older siblings, she is finding her own place in your family, she is a wonder, she is a product of her environment, she is an amalgamation of the two of you. You will never crack her, but what you will do is love her unconditionally and guide her and help her to be the best person that she can be. Because that’s what you do, and I do mean you in the singular. And btw my girls slept in my bed with me until the day of their,4th birthday, then they moved to their own room.
My Girl was very similar to Bea (although I failed at the feeding thing, but it didn’t do her any harm!) Charmed everyone, reciting the alphabet at about the same age as Bea is etc … She is now 21 and coming to the end of a year at Uni in California studying advanced Maths š Time will whizz by and before you know it W will be a foot taller than you and your beautiful daughters will be looking for Prom dresses. Be instinctive. My mantra as a Mum is always ‘Give them their wings – they will fly’ . XXX
Hehe, I had to laugh at this because it reminds me so much of my Sam š She certainly looks rather cheeky and trouble but in a good way (although in the middle of a tantrum I’m sure it doesn’t feel so good)! Good luck š xx
When you move out of your house, you could perhaps use this opportunity to start a new ‘regime’ with Bea.
Hello x Yes we had thought the same x We have stopped feeding during the day which seems to be going well x Stressful some days but well x
Well done! That’s a really good start. One trick, as I recall, is never to sit down in a place where the toddler was previously accustomed to being breastfed in the daytime… else they will ambush you by climbing up and helping themselves. (And you may well feel a bit cross that you let them get the better of you in a momentary lapse.)