The ‘Bea’ts Inbetween

People have always talked about the terrible twos

I have heard more recently the term ‘threenager’

Esther and William were most difficult around the age of four

And Bea

Well, Bea is in a class of her own at just 21 months

bea in a boat

She is freakishly clever

Talks better than many children more than twice her age

Has a sophisticated sense of humour

Which includes spot on comic timing

And knows exactly which buttons to press

To send mummy round the bend

beach bea

She is amazing, awe inspiring

And utterly exhausting

In equal measure

She can count to 4

Know and recites numbers to 10

She knows colours

And her vocabulary is extraordinary

chicken licken

She loves to learn

Is a mimic and a clown

She charms everyone she meets

charmer

She runs like a fully fledged toddler

Climbs like a mountain goat

Has no sense of fear

Loves swinging and sliding

And adores messy play

bea play

Bea is beautiful in every way

But with her extreme positives

Come extreme negatives

That punctuate our every day

The ‘Bea’ts in between

super smile

The shouting

The stamping

The tantrums

Such temper tantrums!

The commands

The demands

It sounds funny when you write it all down

It is funny really

I know this is a phase

I know ‘this too will pass’

I know it is my wonderful daughter

Getting to grips with her emotions

And finding her place in the world

But sometimes

lost

Some days I truly feel I am being bullied by a baby

Tormented by a toddler

And I am not prepared to be punished by a preschooler

So life at home needs to change

DSCN9313

Meet Bea

Wonderful, incredible, more than slightly potty

Bea Bot

Botty

Botster

Bot

bea together

Our much longed for

Fiercely loved

Rainbow Baby

Who totally rules our roost!

ruler

Bea wakes up in the morning

Always happy and talkative

Wanting to know where everyone is

She will either go and play with Esther and William

Or help Daddy with the washing machine work

She likes an early morning snack

And will often ask to watch MoMo (Show Me Show Me)

Bea loves to colour and draw

She can focus on tasks for a long time

When she is in the mood

And when Mummy is not around

bea pool

When Mummy is around

She just wants Num Num (to breastfeed)

And to go to sleep

Bea likes to be busy

She is very bossy

And she is most definitely at her happiest

When she is outside

outside

She does not like anyone cuddling

Or being too close to her mummy

She will pull Esther and William off my lap

If they dare to get too comfy and close

We all adore Bea

But we also find her demanding

Overpowering sometimes

It is hard to do anything

Without her being at the centre of it

beach baby

And she screams

Oh how she screams!

She screams in the car

We can have the most amazing day out

But it is almost always overshadowed

By a screaming Bot in the back of the car

I find Bea difficult to manage

That is not easy for a mummy to admit

But she exhausts me some times

Before a day has even begun

It is easier for David

(Though not easy by any means)

As he has no Num Num

And she does not sleep in his arms

bot chops

I know that things will be better

Once Bea is no longer feeding

And is sleeping in a bed of her own

But I have no clue how to start our journey down that road

And honestly

I feel too tired and emotionally battered and bruised

To even know how to begin to try

DSCN5102

And so we are stuck

Me and Miss Bea

Until we figure out

How to figure it out

How to iron out

The ‘Bea’ts in between

beats

Bea at 21 months is in a class of her own

She is freakishly clever

Talks better than many children more than twice her age

Has a sophisticated sense of humour

Which includes spot on comic timing

And knows exactly which buttons to press

To send mummy round the bend

She is amazing, awe inspiring

And utterly exhausting

In equal measure

I love her

Would never be without her

But my goodness

She is a tough cookie to crack

bea

‘This too shall pass’!

14 thoughts on “The ‘Bea’ts Inbetween

  1. I’m sorry to sound harsh, but this really is your fault! There’s no way she should be feeding and sleeping with you at almost 2 (in my opinion) – but each to their own, as long as everyone is happy with the situation, but you clearly aren’t. I think you need to cut that out ASAP, and cold turkey will be best – she’ll protest, but within a couple days she’ll get the message and adjust quickly and forget – kids always do. I just think it’s not fair on your other children for one of them to get all the attention just cos she’s the youngest – E and W are at the age where they will start to remember childhood grievances and I think it’s important to create a healthier family dynamic as soon as you can – especially if you are determined to home school long term. I am personally not in favour of home schooling, mostly for social reasons, but I think it can only work when there is minimal chaos in the home, and when all children are good at sharing and knowing when it’s their turn for attention. Of course B is only a toddler, but you need to take control of this situation now. Sorry to sound harsh – I think you are fantastic in so many ways and admire how much time you give your children. Good luck!

    • What a horrible reply. And your opinions are just that, your opinions. Other people have different opinions regarding feeding, sleeping, educating.

      Agree totally with other replies that parenting a spirited child is not like parenting other children. It’s exhausting, can be soul destroying and it’s easy to feel defeated. Tricks and techniques that work with other children just don’t work with them.

      • This was the worst reply I got!

        “I feel so sorry for Esther and William. They have always been pushed out, first by the arrival of Matilda, and then once she died. They live in the shadow with a sister they cannot compete with.
        Pushed out once again with the arrival of Bea, who you seem to have endless energy for, yet not for them.
        Iā€™m sure they would benefit from play therapy, Esther often looks very sad in photos, weary.”

        I try not to pay attention to trolls but this one got me for a while then I realised they know nothing about me, my children, our family life x x x x x

        • That reply is shocking!

          How can someone possibly know how a child feels from random snapshots? More likely she was caught off guard busy playing so didn’t notice the camera. Or maybe she didn’t want to smile, doesn’t mean she isn’t happy.

          I have always liked how honest you are about how you feel, it is just a shame people have chosen to use it as a stick to beat you with.

          My youngest daughter is wilful, the boss of our house and will probably end up as prime minister. I didn’t breastfeed or co-sleep but she was still exactly as you described above and her older brother was pushed to the side every time he tried to get close to me. Some kids are just like that, especially girls. It didn’t harm the family dynamic, my two adore each other with the occasional sibling row thrown in for good measure.

          Your Bea is clever, funny, strong, determined and probably exactly what you need because she takes up so much of your headspace.

          And if someone was describing me as an adult I would hope that they would use the words clever, funny strong and determined.
          xxxx

    • I have to agree with Kim here – I think that your need to always have her in your arms has created who she is – and you are the only one who can teach her how to stop it, she isn’t to blame for her behaviour, how can she be, she’s not even two, she’s just been allowed to grow into this role in your family. I have no doubt that it’s going to be incredibly hard after what you have all been through, but for the sake of everyone else in your family, you need to help Bea undestand how she should be behaving, and as Kim says – that involves a certain amount of de-attachment from you.

  2. Good luck! There is a decent amount of evidence to suggest that gifted/intelligent children often have emotional problems. Bea sounds a lot like my son. He was my first-born and is now 6 years old – I had no idea that it was unusual that he counted to 20 at age 2, or that being on the ‘gold’ level reading books at age 5 was advanced. I say this not to boast – his intellect is a double-edged sword. While his toddler tantrums were more demanding than his peers, it all seemed within normal boundaries. However, while his peers were starting to calm down and gain better control of their emotions at around 4 – this has still not happened with him. School are very supportive and he is in a nurture group, but he still struggles *every* *single* *day* to regulate his emotions. I have come to accept that this is NOT my fault – he was born like this. Life is going to be tough for him, but I am here to support him and defend him. Best book recommendation: “The Explosive Child”.

  3. My second is also a classic ‘spirited / strong-willed’ child – there are books on them, you are not alone! It is just hard when your other children were / are not the same. With my first I thought it was because of our parenting that she was so will behaved, when her brother came along I realised oh how wrong was I – she is just that way, it is her nature! If you google ‘spirited’ or ‘strong’ willed children, there is lots about the best way to handle their tantrums and demands, for example: http://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/positive-discipline/Parenting-Strong-Willed-Child

    X

  4. Bea is Bea. She is going to do things her own way because everyone does. She has her own business going on in her head, she is learning from her older siblings, she is finding her own place in your family, she is a wonder, she is a product of her environment, she is an amalgamation of the two of you. You will never crack her, but what you will do is love her unconditionally and guide her and help her to be the best person that she can be. Because that’s what you do, and I do mean you in the singular. And btw my girls slept in my bed with me until the day of their,4th birthday, then they moved to their own room.

  5. My Girl was very similar to Bea (although I failed at the feeding thing, but it didn’t do her any harm!) Charmed everyone, reciting the alphabet at about the same age as Bea is etc … She is now 21 and coming to the end of a year at Uni in California studying advanced Maths šŸ™‚ Time will whizz by and before you know it W will be a foot taller than you and your beautiful daughters will be looking for Prom dresses. Be instinctive. My mantra as a Mum is always ‘Give them their wings – they will fly’ . XXX

  6. Hehe, I had to laugh at this because it reminds me so much of my Sam šŸ™‚ She certainly looks rather cheeky and trouble but in a good way (although in the middle of a tantrum I’m sure it doesn’t feel so good)! Good luck šŸ˜‰ xx

      • Well done! That’s a really good start. One trick, as I recall, is never to sit down in a place where the toddler was previously accustomed to being breastfed in the daytime… else they will ambush you by climbing up and helping themselves. (And you may well feel a bit cross that you let them get the better of you in a momentary lapse.)

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