For the last two and a half weeks

We have been in Spain with my parents

They live in a small bungalow

Just outside Parcent

A hillside village

Between Valencia and Alicante

We travelled to my parents

Rather than them to us

For the first time

In almost 5 years

For the first time

Since Tilda died

And Bea was born

It was the right time

To try again

To fly again

To sunny Spain

To let myself be looked after for a while

By my mummy

It was time

To live for Tilda

To brave the plane

Face the fear of the unknown

Conquer the panic that anxiety brings

I would love to say that as I stepped off the plane

All depression and anxiety fell away

But of course it did not

I am still a grieving mother

A loss mother

No matter where I am

But it was wonderful

To spend the time

To see the bond between my children

And my parents grow

It was wonderful

To feel the warmth of the sun on my skin

It was just nice

To do something new

That felt so familiar

Esther, William and Bea

Each had the most amazing time

Each experiencing Espana

In their own special way

Bea played with the bricks

Woke each morning with the words

“Find Nanny”

William studied his Spanish Atlas

And learned the names of all the countries in two languages

And Esther swam most days with Daddy

In the sea or the freezing cold pool

I am so grateful to my parents for having us

We really were sad to come away

William sobbed several times

Spontaneously and inconsolably

Because he did not want to leave Spain

We did not want to leave Spain

Gracias Espana

See you again soon!