Some decisions are easy to make
You know what you have to do
Some are much more difficult
You wrestle with them
Debate and discuss
Decide, undecide and decide again
Last year I made a decision
An easy decision
I decided to take a teaching job at my children’s school
As a Parent Governor I was on the interview panel for the job
Applicants either did not show up or were not suitable for the post
The school
My children’s school
Needed a teacher
And here was I
Jokingly first I said I could do it
Then agreed I would do it
Three days a week
We live opposite the school
My children were starting there
It was an opportunity to return to a job I love
And see my children
But it has not worked out like that
So now I have made another decision
A tough decision
Battled over
Wrestled with
Decided, undecided and decided again
This week the parents at school were called to a meeting
To be told that after handing my notice in at the end of last year
I will be leaving at Easter
I did not make the decision to leave lightly
I adore teaching
I have grown very fond of the children that I teach
I love helping them learn
And watching them grow
But it is just too hard with three small children of my own
In three terms I have had three job shares
Three TAs
And a workload that is just too much with a baby in arms
(Literally in my arms for much of the time!)
Five year old twins
And a baby in the sky
The planning, preparation, marking, assessing and evidencing
Is all too much
Teacher recruitment and retention is in crisis in the UK
And now I understand why
I have tried my hardest to run my classroom
Efficiently
Creatively
And with a sense of fun
I have tried so hard to meet the needs of all the children that I teach
I have done all I can with the time I have available to me
I ended up working three 12 – 14 hour days
Plus planning and prepping at night at home
And going in to school to work most Sundays
And on Mondays
One of my days off
With all the time committed
I was still not getting the job done
To a standard that I was happy with
And I have no more time left to give
It was too much and emotionally too hard
Too hard to creep out of my house in the dark
Trying not to wake anyone
Too hard not having the time to hear my own children read
Too hard not taking my own children to and from school
Not tucking them in at night
Not seeing them at all some days!
My three day a week job was so much more
My working meant David was not working
Which just makes no financial sense
Especially when I was spending all my money on books and resources for school
Something had to give
And that thing has to be my job
Because as much as I love teaching
As fond as I have grown of my class
As much as I believe I might just be able to make a difference
My own children have to come first
My family has to come first
And so I have resigned
And I am working my notice
With a very heavy heart
And I am doubting my decision every day
Now I am feeling a double whammy of guilt
Mummy guilt and teacher guilt
On top of everything else I am feeling at this Tilda time of year
This is my letter of resignation
I have found that with three small children I am struggling to give enough time to the job. Though I believe that my teaching is good, I know that I am not keeping up with all the other aspects of the job. I have no more time to give outside of classroom hours and believe that the right thing to do is resign so that my children can have their Mummy back and my pupils can have a teacher who is able to commit the time and energy needed to do the job well.
I think, I hope, you know that I love teaching, I love my job but I love my family more and they are losing out at the expense of school. I am so tired of having the same fight with myself, with David. I want to focus on my family
I do not have the time to prepare all the resources, do all the planning and assessments needed. Other part time teachers use their days off to plan, prepare, assess. I know that they do because I have spoken to them. I cannot do that. My days off are consumed with Bea, anything I do for school takes away from her time or from David’s working time which is just not financially sustainable.
I do not have the time to go in at the weekend and sort my classroom ready for Monday. My displays all need updating and I do not have the time to do them. The classroom needs a good tidy and sort, all the resources need labelling. I do not have time.
These are all simple fixes that someone without such huge family commitments could easily do.
I am sorry that I have not been able to make it work and feel frustrated that so much has happened in the space of two terms to make the job much harder than it should be.
I hope that you will be able to find someone to see the children through to the summer.
I know that this is going to make things difficult for you but my children are too small for me to spend so much of my time and energy focusing on school.
And it is not me to do a rubbish job. I am a perfectionist. I hate not being able to work to the best of my ability.
I think when I do return again to teaching it will be when my children are old enough for me to work full time. Most likely when the youngest goes to secondary school as I originally planned.
At the moment, I want to be at home with my family.
I am sorry again
I really am trying to do my best by everyone
Though I know and appreciate that is hard to understand
I wanted to help our village school
I wanted to make a difference
But right now
At this time
My family need me more
My little family need me more
There are about 10 weeks left til Easter
I am planning some fabulous learning experiences for my class
Knowing that soon I will just be Mummy again
And I will always remember this class fondly
So very fondly
And be thankful for the kindness and support
That everyone at the school has shown me
Thank you x
I know you don’t need anyone to tell you this Jennie but you’ve made the right decision. Without a doubt. It pains me to say it though, our classrooms are devoid of amazing, inspiring teachers like you. I’m so sad that our education system is driving away great teachers. Your family must come first though. Well done. X
Thank you x I will go back when the children are older and I can give the job the time and energy it needs. Now I am excited about focusing on my own children again. Bea is totally ready for tuff spots and messy play!
You can sense how hard the decision has been for you to make, but I believe you have made the right one. I too could not live with the guilt of knowing I was not giving my best, I could not live with the guilt of only seeing my children to tuck them in at night. I am much happier now I work freelance and can fit my work around my children and not the other way around My children are happier that they have their Mummy back.
Oh Jennie, you can really feel what a difficult decision this was. I remember how much you were looking forward to returning to teaching and I am so sad for you that it hasn’t worked out as you hoped. That said, you are right. You’re family has to come first, always. The children are only little for a short while, working can wait until later. Xx
After 30 years of teaching, I totally understand this. By the time I finished, the job had changed out of all recognition; more and more paper work, with ever changing goalposts. If you can manage financially, that’s great! The only suggestion I would make, and of course it’s only my idea, is that you don’t consider home education until Bea is older, and less demanding of your time and attention. I really felt for Esther when you wrote that you had to leave her mid story because Bea was screaming for you. If the twins are happy and doing well at school, then I think letting them stay there would be for the best, at least for now. Trying to work with the twins, and cope with Bea’s toddler demands, might be confusing for all three of them. They’ll all love the fact that you’re at home, and being able to take Bea to groups while the twins are at school, and then devote time to them when they get home seems like the best of both worlds. You may totally disagree…as I said, this is just the way I see it! I hope you’ll all feel so much benefit from the change.
My sister is. Year 1 teacher, and is also a perfectionist. She doesn’t have children, but works 10 hour days 5 days a week, plus Sundays most weeks. And the holidays are not holidays – she generally still goes into school to do other things.
I guess in a roundabout way I am saying that it is an impossible thing to do with 3 children to think about at home. Nobody could do it I don’t think, it requires so much time and energy.
You will do it when it is the right time xx
Dear Jennie,
I am so glad that you have come to a decision and as others have said, you know it is the right decision at the moment. You are obviously a wonderful teacher and a wonderful mother but the two don’t mesh, certainly not when the children are so young. Give yourself a break and do your best to enjoy the rest of your time in school, then get yourself home and make the most of it. You must have been through such a time over the last few days, with the anniversary of Tilda’s death. Be good to yourself – you undoubtedly deserve it xxx
Sorry to hear this as I know it must have been such a hard decision to make. Sadly I know a few Mum’s who were teachers who have said the same thing, that it is all just too much and all their family time is being eaten up by planning and marking. Perhaps when they are all older it is something that you can revisit again.
It seems such a shame there is such a great pressure on teachers these days as they are loosing so many good ones! All the best for this next term xx
I am a teacher too, although secondary. I fully understand your struggles. Although I don’t have children yet, the job of being a teacher severely impacts on my home lives. Night times, weekends spent marking, lesson planning, report writing, data analysis, SoW etc. Even without children my job should not take up so much of my life. It should not be expected that no children means your time is less precious and at the governments disposal. I cannot even imagine balancing a family and doing this job full time or even part time. Another post that makes me angry about where education is heading and fabulous teachers resigning, because if a job is worth doing it is worth doing properly or not at all, it’s children’s lives after all.
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