As Bea lies sleeping in my arms

Your star shines brightly in the darkness of the room

As I listen to Esther and William’s excitement building

As they track Santa on their computers

I quietly sing Silent Night

Just as I used to sing it to you

Three long Christmasses ago

I miss you Matilda Mae

I miss you with all my heart

I miss the baby you were

And the little girl you should be

Three and a half you should be now

Caught in the midst of the magic of Christmas

There is a huge hole in my heart

And our home without you here

I think that Esther and William feel it too

They have been talking about you so much these past few days

It is normal for us to talk about you

The little big sister who should be here

The girl all the Christmas songs are about

Who all the stars are for

You may not be here with us Matilda Mae

But you are very much a part of us

Very much one of us

Part of who we are and all we do

Behind the smiles and laughter this Christmas

Please know that you are loved and missed

Please know how much better our lives would be if you were here

I often wonder what you would be like now

What would you want for Christmas this year?

What would you wear?

I long to know how your giggles would sound

How high or low your voice might be

I miss you

And I want you back

I will never ever stop wanting that

No matter how many children

How full my arms, my heart, my home

There will always be the space for you

In every situation

Family gathering, photograph

I can always see where you would be

I clearly see where you should be

My beautiful baby girl

I miss you Matilda Mae

And my heart is breaking because you are not here

Time is not a healer when a baby dies

I miss you more with every passing day

Every day I miss you more

I love you so much

At Christmas and always

Sleep in Heavenly peace, Baby Tilda

Sleep in Heavenly peace x