For the last week I have been lost in a flurry of papers

Planning, collecting ideas, researching, reading replanning

It has been an intense, self imposed, total immersion

Into getting ready to teach

I am beyond excited at having a classroom again

I want to create a bright, colourful, language rich learning space

For the children in my class

I am giddy planning topics and lessons

Linking all our learning to stories, poems and treasured books

Designing displays

Invitations to play

My mind is in overdrive

And it feels wonderful!

I feel alive!

I have been stuck in a rut of bitterness

Sidelined by sadness for too long

I had lost myself

And now I am finding me again

I adore my children

But I have not been a very good mummy to them

I have been hurting too much

Feeling too little

I have been a shadow of myself

I think only through finding me

Doing something for me

Can I be the mummy I long to be

I had forgotten what it was like to talk to people outside of my home

To share a passion for something

To want to do something amazing

To make a difference to a child that may stay with them for always

I want to do that for my own children

And those I am lucky enough to teach

I am ready

It is time to teach

Things are crazy busy at the moment

I will be working in a brand new classroom

In a tiny, rapidly growing, rapidly improving school

I have 6 weeks

To get myself and the classroom ready

I have a lovely job share

An awesome TA

And a fabulous Head

I am joining a committed, friendly and supportive team

And I cannot wait to be one of them

The summer is going to be madness

So much to do

But also memories to make with Esther, William and Bea

Before our lives are changed by school

This summer I want to spend one special day with each of my children

On their own

Just them and me

When I stop and think about the changes to come

It makes me so sad

I love my children

But I also love teaching

And I never thought I would want to go back

While my own children are so small

But I really really do

I will have two days a week with Bea

Just Bea and me

And as much time as I can manage

Outside of school hours with the twins

I am hoping by grabbing some of myself back

I will make the most of my time with my children more

I have missed smiling and laughing

And being good at something

I have missed feeling like things I do might make a difference

My heart still aches every day

And Tilda is always at the heart of everything I do

But I have to do this

I want to do this and do it well

It is time to teach

It is time to find the courage

To pick myself up

And make my children proud of me

It is time to do something for me

That will enable me to do more for them

To ease the pain

Stop the hurting

We all need for me to do this

And do it right

It is time to teach