Unusually Quiet

You may notice that I have been

A little quiet of late

I am contemplating a return to the classroom

More than that

I am trying very hard to get a particular job

In a particular school

I am so excited

I have not felt so alive in a very long time

I have a sense of purpose

Beyond my own garden wall

I have been wondering a while

If I needed to go back to work

I have been a stay at home mummy

For five years

There have been awesome days

With incredible highs

And there have been the lowest lows possible

For any mother

I always thought I would stay at home

Until all our children were at school

But even after losing Tilda

And with Bea being so young

I think I am ready to go back

Esther and William will be at school

Family and friends are going to help with Bea

I think teaching again will be good for me

And in turn good for us as a family

I have an interview on Wednesday

I am terrified and excited in equal measure

It is for a mixed age KS1 class

And I can feel the passion running through me

I love teaching

I love being in a school

It is a huge part of who I am

And I have missed it

I am still battling with myself in my mind

Does leaving Bea at such a young age make me a bad mummy?

Will I do both jobs badly?

Am I going to miss out on magical moments and milestones with all our children?

I think there are good and bad things about both of my options

I love my children with all my heart

I want to be happy with them

I want to be a positive role model for them

I want them to see me happy and see that I am more than just a mummy

So I am sorry for the unusual quiet

I am getting way ahead of myself

And planning for a class that may never be mine

But my goodness it is exciting

I feel energised and excited

And I am remembering the me I once was

The me David fell in love with

The me I want and need to be again

I am sorry yet not sorry

For the quiet x

15 thoughts on “Unusually Quiet”

I’m excited for you Jennie, your excitement shines through your words. All the very best of luck for Wednesday. Not to dampen your enthusiasm, but take it slowly, ease yourself back in – returning to work when there is so much else going on in your head is a big deal. Very achievable, I’ve found returning to work positive overall – just needs balance like everything really xxx

Wishing you the best of luck for Wednesday!! It sounds exactly what you need….You sound very excited and positive and it is so lovely x

No it doesn’t make you a bad mummy. If you are happy, your happiness will shine through to your children. It’s important to still be you. Best of luck for the interview. I hope you get the job xxx

I totally ‘get’ this. I always thought I would be at home until the children were both at school, but having made the choice 3 months ago to go back to work full time, a year earlier than planned, I couldn’t be happier, we all couldn’t be happier. Our family time is now always quality time and we appreciate each other more.

Wonderful!!!

So exciting, Jennie, you will do really well and I am sure that you will get the job!xx

Jennie this is wonderful! I’m so happy to read that you’ve got the fire in your belly, how fantastic! Best of luck on Wednesday xx

This sounds so exciting! Fingers crossed!
Wishing you all the luck in the world!
xxx

I’m sure going back to work will have so many positives for you as a family. It sounds like you are at s point where you want to go back, in fact you sound so excited at the prospect. A happy mummy means happy children and I’m sure they will flourish with the new adventures that they will have too.

It all sounds very exciting and I really hope it all works out for you. You will do both jobs wonderfully and you are absolutely not a bad mummy.

I was desperate to go back to work after Squidge was born and so he started going to nursery two days a week when he was 5 months old.

I needed to start trying to recapture the person I was before an unexpected pregnancy and crippling antenatal depression.

There are still some days where I feel guilty and wonder if I’m actually still capable of doing my job but I’ve learned to stamp on those thoughts and squash them flat!!

You as a teacher was how I first followed your blog, I think from the TES site,
You would be truly a fantastic contribution to any school.

My caution would be the work load of a school, it gets bigger every year also do you know who will have the class when it’s not you, be careful of not doing practically as
much work on your 3 days as someone on 5.
X x