My blog means the world to me

It is a virtual memory box

Where I store momentos of our family life

And photos

Hundreds upon hundreds of photos

I am so grateful for my photos

Especially those of Baby Tilda

Matilda Mae

All parents proudly photograph their offspring

Recording moments to treasure for always

I did not know that Tilda was going to die

I cannot imagine how photographing her would have felt

Had I known

I often wonder if I should have taken photos of her dead

Some parents only have chance to photograph their babies

After they have died

When they have been born sleeping

Or when the know that they will not live for long

I have so much love and admiration for those parents

Those families

And the photographers who help them

To capture precious moments

That they so desperately need

Today using the voice of Nicky Heppenstall

I shine a spotlight on new charity Remember My Baby

What does your charity do and why?
We provide Remembrance Photography for parents losing a baby before, during or shortly after birth. Volunteer Photographers go into hospital to capture images of a baby with parents and other family members if present, such as siblings or grandparents, completely free of charge. When a baby dies, the potential for thousands of photo opportunities is gone in the blink of an eye, leaving only a very short window of opportunity to capture little hands, little feet, tiny fingers and toes, baby being held by Mum and Dad – a tangible set of images so that the parents will never forget what their baby looked like, and other children can come to know that they had a brother or sister.

How did your charity begin?
A group of us already volunteering for a similar charity based in the US felt that a dedicated UK charity was needed to maximise the number of parents that could be helped in this way in the UK. So we set up Remember My Baby in August last year and very quickly it became clear that we were completely right to take that step. We have had tremendous support from the photographic industry, and a hugely positive response from health professionals such as midwives and bereavement managers within the NHS, from whom we are getting regular enquiries about setting the service up in their maternity unit.

Can you describe a day in the life of your charity?
A typical day will include receiving emails from photographers asking about how they can volunteer, and also from health professionals asking for information about how we work. We receive applications from photographers submitting images for assessment, and requests from parents requiring a session, or from a midwife calling on behalf of a family in their care. We have a closed group on Facebook for all our volunteers which makes it easy to tag the nearest Volunteer Photographers quickly and we can generally assign a Volunteer Photographer to a family within a couple of hours. We also spend time contacting hospitals who have yet to hear about us in the hope that a meeting can be set up. We attend meetings with and deliver presentations to bereavement teams and most are very willing to embrace what we do and begin to offer our service to the families in their care. We also carry out sessions, edit those sessions, and deliver them to the parents. Training sessions are held for our Volunteer Photographers as well. Whilst it’s always sad to hear that a session is being requested, we are always pleased when we can provide a session – coverage is growing, but is still sparse in many areas.

How can people donate?
There is a Donate button on the website, one on the Facebook page, and cheques can be sent to the registered address which also appears on the website and Facebook page. We also have a page on Just Giving.

What more can people do? How can we get involved?
Photographers can apply to become a volunteer; midwives and other health professionals can tell their maternity staff about us; anyone can arrange a fund-raiser on our behalf, indeed several people have already set up such on Just Giving which is amazing. There is also scope for skilled Photoshop users to apply to become Digital Retouchers to assist with more challenging editing, or when a Volunteer Photographer’s workload is such that they may not meet the delivery deadline, to edit a session. We are all volunteers with business and family life, and we work together to deliver the service. With non-photographers also being willing to help us, we are developing another volunteer role to accommodate this.

Any top tips for organising a good fundraising event?
So far, we haven’t staged a major fund-raiser! We have been incredibly lucky to receive generous donations both from parents we’ve provided sessions to, and from many others who recognise the value in what we are doing, especially in response to an appearance on The Jeremy Vine Show on BBC Radio 2 in December last year. We want to apply for grants, which is a skill in itself, and we hope to stage events but in the nine months since our launch we have yet to find time to do so!

What is your charity’s biggest achievement to date?
I think the biggest achievement to date is being granted charitable status in England and Wales, and a short while later in Scotland as well. We felt quite strongly that becoming a registered charity would only help in our quest to have remembrance photography offered as a choice in every maternity unit in the UK, but it also opens up more opportunities for grant applications to help us reach our goal.

What do you hope to achieve in the short term?
In the short term, we hope to establish teams of volunteers in every county.

What are your dreams, long term goals for your charity?
We aim to have at least one Volunteer Photographer linked with every maternity unit and birth centre in the UK, but to maximise availability for parents we actually need a team linked with each one. Ultimately, we wish for all parents losing their baby to be offered this choice.

What is the one thing you wish people knew or understood about babyloss or grief?
People need to realise that it is devastating and life changing to lose a baby, and that every single baby matters, and that we only learn to live with the pain, it never ever goes away.

Do you have a favourite quote or saying?
Since launching RMB, I’ve adopted this as a mantra, from the Kevin Costner film, Field of Dreams: “If you build it, they will come.”

Who or what is your inspiration?
My own stillborn daughter is the reason I wanted to provide remembrance photography to other bereaved parents, she would have been 14 in April, and providing these images is the ‘silver lining’ in my stillbirth ‘cloud’, it’s her legacy. And I’m fully supported in this by my other daughter who is now 11, and my son who is 17, and my husband.

This month is #matexp month of action, where do you feel there are gaps in our maternity services?
It’s some time since I was in the maternity system, but coming into contact with many bereaved parents it seems that although care after baby-loss has improved greatly, there are still areas where it is lacking to some degree, something of a postcode lottery as to how well families are looked after.

What can we do to make pregnancy, birth and early parenting better for all?
I’m an advocate of one mother one midwife, and continuity of care being essential for a positive experience, and that it matters enormously to have a good experience, a negative one can impact upon early parenting.

What more can we do to support bereaved families? Support pregnancy after loss?
I think ensuring that there is information available regarding support such as from Sands, not just to parents, but also to extended family members is important, and offering choices such as a memory box and remembrance photography, and critically, in a subsequent pregnancy, to make sure that all staff are fully aware there has been a previous loss – it matters enormously that this is not overlooked by anyone. A device such as Sands’ teardrop stickers on the records is simple and effective provided it appears everywhere throughout the notes, including on the new page clipped over the cover of the file.

Thank you Nicky for taking the time to take part in Charity Chat. I think what you are doing is amazing and I know will mean so much to so many. Thank you x

If you run or support a pregnancy or babyloss charity and would like to be featured in one of my Charity Chat posts, please get in touch. I would love to share the amazing work that you do.