āThere is a pleasure sure
In being mad, which none but madmen know.
Dryden, The Spanish Friar II, iā
ā Gerald Durrell, My Family and Other Animals
Last year I was a finalist in The MAD Blog Awards
In a few categories
The most important one for me
It was a category I knew I would not win
I did not want to win it
But I was incredibly proud to be a finalist
I was not in it to win it
I was in it to be a voice
For all those parents who do not get to bring their babies home
A voice for the 1 in 4 ladies who lose their babies to miscarriage
A voice for those whose babies are born silently
Born sleeping
I wanted, still want, to be a voice for charities
Who are working so hard
To make pregnancy easier, safer
To save little lives
I want to shout out about monitoring fetal movements
I want to make people get checked for Vasa Praevia
I want people to understand that pregnancy after loss is hard
So hard
I did not expect people to vote for me last year
But I wanted people to know who I was
I wanted, still want, you to read my words
And share the messages that might just save lives
This year I am a finalist in The MAD Blog Awards
For the fifth consecutive year
Five years, five finals
And this year I have come full circle
Back to the category in which I started
Perhaps a category in which I will always belong
Because my baby is a forever baby
And for the rest of time she will be at the heart of my blog
Matilda Mae
My Forever Baby
Always at the heart of all I do
Back in 2011
I was shy about wanting to win
Back then the babies being recognised
Were Esther and William
Reaching the finals was a celebration of their survival
Their bravery and strength
This year
2015
Reaching the finals is about extending Tilda’s legacy
And celebrating our beautiful Rainbow Baby
Beatrice Hope
Mine is not the easiest baby blog to read
Our Rainbow was due to be born
Growing a Rainbow is not easy
Naming one a huge responsibility
Our bringer of joy and hope
Of fresh worries and anxiety on the postnatal ward
Bringing her home was wonderful
Having a baby in the house again was hard
We enjoyed our fourth trimester
I spent a lot of time watching Bea breathe
I felt all the frustrations that a new mummy feels
With all of the guilt that a bereaved mummy feels
Raising a rainbow is physically, emotionally and mentally hard
Baby Bea is now 10 months old
I love her more every single day
She is a beautiful baby
Living up to her carefully chosen name
Bea is now older than her little big sister in the sky will ever be
#matildamae
I am so proud of my blog
I am so very grateful for it
All my documented memories
Especially of Matilda Mae
It would mean the world to me
If you would vote for Edspire
As we come full circle
Five years on
If you would vote for Edspire
In memory
In celebration
For all my beautiful babies
In this year’s MAD Blog Awards
In the category of Best Baby Blog
Thank you
With all my broken heart
Thank you x
