In two weeks time I will be heading to London
With my almost 5 year old twins
To join the Bliss London Buggy Push
We will be pushing physically
As I encourage Esther and William to walk the route
And explain to them the reasons why
They are beginning to understand their journey
How their start in life was different from most
They understand that they are special
That they were born too small, too soon
Born at 27 weeks
Weighing just over 2lbs
They are lucky to have survived at all
59 days of incredible care
Means that they are here
With a story to tell
And what a story it is
Overcoming their own hurdles
As well as losing their baby sister to SIDS
A friend recently told me that if you wrote down
Everything that has happened to David and I
To our children
In the last six years
And tried to submit it as a movie script or book plot
It would be rejected for being unrealistic
Too many things in too short a time to be real
But it is real
It is the life we are living
Including one where I lost all my eggs before they could be collected
I dreamed it had happened
And it had
Major bowel surgery whilst pregnant with twins
Beautiful Baby Tilda
Conceived on the day the twins turned one
Carrying her to term
The beautiful birth of healthy baby Matilda Mae
And all that living after loss of a child entails
From infertility to a family of six
With our beautiful angel in the sky
We have been cared for by our incredible NHS
I am grateful to so many doctors and nurses
For saving my own and my children’s lives
But there have been gaps in the services too
Things that can be changed
To improve care through pregnancy, prematurity and loss
I am one voice
With one story to tell
Alone I am quiet
But together
Together we can shout out loud
This month I am taking action
As part of the #matexp campaign
The NHS Change Day Maternity Experience campaign aims to:
Encourage and empower users of maternity services to join conversations about their experiences of maternity care, and what really makes a difference to that experience.
Get health care professionals (in and beyond the NHS) and local communities to listen and work in partnership with women and families to improve maternity experiences.
To enable anyone to take action to improve maternity experience, however big or small, whoever you are: user, partner, community group or NHS staff.
Inspired by the #matexp team I am taking action
I have been thinking for a while now
What I want Baby Tilda’s legacy to be
What I want to do in her name
That honours her and celebrates her
And also includes Esther, William and Bea
Through conversations I have had with members of the #matexp Facebook group
I have finally decided what Matilda Mae’s legacy will be
I want to find a way to support the siblings
Of babies who die
No matter the age or stage at which a baby is lost
Grief affects the whole family
I want to find ways to support siblings through stories
Through songs, crafts, poems and play
Messy, sensory, therapeutic play
Messy Play for Matilda Mae
The answer to my own question has been with me all along
The #matexp campaign and specifically the #FlamingJune initiative
Has inspired me to take action
To start using all I have been through
To begin helping others
Infertility
Pregnancy
Pre Birth Trauma
Prematurity
Loss
Pregnancy after loss
Supporting siblings through loss
Raising a Rainbow Baby
I want to use my voice
My experiences
My story
To pave the way for mothers coming behind me
Families travelling the same path
Wearing our shoes
My actions for #matexp and #FlamingJune are
1: Continue sharing our story on my blog, focusing this month on family life after loss, supporting families and especially siblings
2: Using my blog to promote and support babyloss charities and share what they can offer families, including siblings, after the loss of a baby or death of a child
3: Share the books, activities and resources I have used with Esther and William and continue to use to guide them through their grief
4: Talk to local health centres / hospitals / children’s centres / schools / churches to see if I can share my ideas through them to help other local families
5: Begin to populate my Matilda Mae website with tools, ideas and resources to support young children after the death of a baby
There is so much I want to do
So many areas I feel passionately about
It has been hard to know where to start
Infertility
Pregnancy
Pre Birth Trauma
Prematurity
Loss
Pregnancy after loss
Supporting siblings through loss
Raising a Rainbow Baby
I want to use my voice
My experiences
My story
To pave the way for mothers coming behind me
Families travelling the same path
Wearing our shoes
This is where it begins
Fantastic actions, Jennie. Our actions are similar in some ways – perhaps we can collaborate. For Hugo, for Tilda xxxx
This is so brave, so generous and so essential. Sharing your pain and grief and reliving your experiences, however painful, must be incredibly difficult. Many would be tempted to turn inwards. The fact that you do just the opposite is a testament to your strength.
What an excellent idea… and no better person to do this! You will be fab at this!
You are so amazing! My daughter was a 27 weeker born 9 months exactly after my son was stillborn. If theres anything at all I can do to help give me a shout xx