Lately I have been trying to think a little
About taking care of me
I am really struggling to enjoy life at the moment
I love my little family dearly
But I am not enjoying them at the moment
Every day feels like a battle
And one I am not often winning
My health is a concern
I am often in tears
And my self worth is on the floor
I need to find some self respect
And make room in my life
Time in each week
For a little self care
I have tried to haphazardly make a start
I have had a long overdue smear test
That thankfully came back normal
I have been to The Mole Clinic
For a full mole check
This was a fascinating experience
I learned so much about myself
About human skin
I have one mole that needs looking at again in three months
I have two to be checked annually
I have been reassures and educated
I know what I am looking for now
I have also taken action with my teeth
I have awful teeth
An overcrowded mouth and advanced gum disease
Sadly it has been handed down to me from my parents
Some of my teeth are starting to come looos
Through loss of gum and bone
Not helped by the fact I cannot clean them easily
Because they are so crooked
The realisation I may have false teeth before I am 50
Perhaps even 40 has spurred me on to do all I can
To save my teeth
My dental care has been on hold since having children
And suffering a string if wisdom tooth infections
Well, no more
Next week the problem teeth are coming out
And then I am going to make a care plan with the dentist
To deep clean my teeth and gum pockets
And try to improve my oral hygiene routine
All of this is going to take money and time
But it needs to be done
And in doing it I have realised
That I should not feel bad
I should not feel guilty for taking care of me
My children need me to be healthy
If I cannot be happy they at least need that
Parenting whilst battling pain, anxiety, health issues and grief
Is
Quite frankly
Bloody hard work!
Excuse me
So I have spoken to David
And together we have agreed
Half a day a week
For looking after me
Whatever that might be
A trip to the dentist
Seeing an osteopath
An eye check
A wellness check
Walking, swimming
Even shopping
Time away from children
Out of the house
Just for me
Realistically it is going to be a hit and miss
Until September
And Esther and William are at school
But then I might like two half days
As I would like to spend one afternoon a week in school
Since allowing myself to think about this time
About taking care of me
I have started planning what I might do in that time
And also how it will affect all my other days
If I have to drive to a medical appointment
Why not to a local park with Bea?
If I can go and see an osteopath
Why not go to a cafe and have an hour with a book?
If I can drive to get my hair cut
Why not to the sea
For some time just Tilda and me?
I think taking care of myself
Will lead to exciting things
David is going to take some time
He wants to exercise more
Perhaps train for triathlons again
And sometimes we might try and take our time together
And spend some time together again
Be a couple again
Just we!
The first thing for me is having my wisdom teeth out
Which will hopefully be happening next week
Then two weeks of recovery
A week of holiday
And then time to start a programme
Of making me a better me
I am quite excited about the possibility
Perhaps I will be a better me than I have ever been
What can I do with half a day?
Just planning the time is exciting
Imagine how I will feel if I am brave enough to see it through
Do you make a conscious effort to make time for self care?
I’d love to know if you do
Jennie, I am typing this with hairy legs, unshaved armpits and my hair shoved up in a ponytail. I do have make up on though, as always! In fairness, the unshaved-ness is because we are going on holiday on Sunday so I shall be having a de-fuzz on Saturday morning! That said, I have only left it that extra week because of this hehe! I definitely don’t spend enough time on myself. I work full time and have a toddler. I barely have time to do anything else (except for blog!). I haven’t been to the hairdressers for 7 months. I very much need to spend some time on me too!
I think it will hugely benefit you to start taking care of yourself. You have been through so much, hopefully it will start bringing yourself a little higher in your esteem and feeling a little happier in life. I know it isn’t going to be a miracle, it won’t suddenly take away the pain of losing Tilda, but it may, just may make you feel a little better about yourself as a person.
I hope you enjoy any little pamper you give yourself. Even having painted nails makes me feel like a princess these days!
Oh I’m so pleased Jennie. This fills my heart. Looking after little ones is tough. Grieving is tough. Grieving AND looking after little ones? To borrow your phrase, bloody hell.
Self-care is really hard to start to do. I had to learn that I deserve it, that I am not a bad person, that it is ok to indulge myself in such a way. Once you’re into it, though, it becomes a habit. And it does help. More energy to deal with the trials and tribulations of life.
You deserve self-care time. Don’t ever forget that xxx
If I can help in any way ,just let me know
This is such a good plan. I try to make time for myself – although it’s tough as there are always jobs to do around the house and things I want to do with the children.
I found the best thing for me to create some “me time” was to join a choir. For a couple of hours a week, I’m totally focussed on something just for me – I can’t be on my phone, tidying, planning stuff for the kids etc. And the fact I’ve made the commitment to the choir means I’m much more inclined to do it. And the very act of singing in a group makes me feel much more calm.
Good luck! xx
I go to netball every week (although have been VERY slack the last few months due to the season ending) but that is my only 2 hours of free time without the kids. I used to paint my nails and try to do nice hairstyles, moisturise and take care of my body, but now I just don’t make the time-and I am so craving it. Good on you, I hope you enjoy your free time, even if it is doing something a bit mundane, it’s just nice to not hear the word ‘mummy’ for an hour or two and a bit of down time! Glad you have a appointment for your teeth as it sounds like you have been in agony with them recently xx
You are so right Jenny, something we all need to do more. I see many carers of children with disabilities unable to find time for their own basic health care needs, and of course to do that amid grief and looking after a small family seems impossible. But nurture you you must. Much love Hayley
Me time is so important and it’s so easy as Mum’s to think about me time more than actually engaging in me time, so I think it’s the best idea ever to have a proper plan! Sometime’s it doesn’t have to be the most grand of plans or ideas of all time, even just a trip to a cafe for 20 minutes peace and a read does me the world of good.
Not just being a Mum deserves me time but dealing with grief most certainly requires ‘me time’. My sister, my best friend in the world, tragically lost her husband, her complete other half, 3 months ago now. I’m the next best thing to her so I’ve been juggling full time work, motherhood and being with my sister at every possible moment. Sometimes when we are so busy with life, doing the things we must do, we forget we need our own time to grieve. It’s by no means a comparison in circumstances but I definitely know the feeling of being guilty for sadness in such a busy life. Even just 10 minutes to daydream and think of wonderful memories by myself, does me the world of good.
Stick to you’re me time. Its the least you deserve!
M x
Pingback: Time | Edspire