Some days more than others I really miss earning my own money

When David and I decided to have children

I also decided that I wanted to be a stay at home mum

It has been without doubt the hardest thing I have ever done

And I am not sure I am really that good at it

I want to be

I want to be a wonderful warm and welcoming mummy

I want my children to trust me

I want to create a home they feel safe and welcome in

I want them to always want to come home

I want to teach them, play with them, listen to them

Learn with and from them

I want to give them courage and confidence

To be themselves and challenge the world

Knowing they can always come home and I will be waiting

We will be waiting

Their Daddy and I

David and I

For I know he feels the same

Since Esther and William started school in September

I have realised that though I adore being a mummy

I miss being a teacher

I think I am a much better teacher than I am a mummy

Every day I had concerns and questions about Esther and William and school

Knowing if it were my school, my classroom, how things would be done

I have an itch to get back into schools

To make a real difference to young people’s lives

To do the thing I know that I am good at

Outstandingly good at!

But I have made a commitment to my children

And I hope to have one more baby yet

When our youngest child goes to school

Then I will be ready to think about a return to work

A return to the profession I love

I have always thought I would wait til all our children were at secondary school

Before having a class of my own

Now I think I will start a slow return as soon as they are all in full time education

I think it will be good for me and in turn them

And it will bring more money into the family pot

Money for day to day living

Money for treats and holidays

Home improvements

College funds

I want to provide for my children financially too

At the moment I am not able to do that as I do not work

And I am happy with that

Most of the time

But I am also looking forward to the days

When I will again have money that is mine

That I have earned

I am looking forward to taking some of the pressure off David

In future years

To allow him to concentrate on doing the clever things he enjoys

Rather than the mundane things that make the most money

I do not have a great financial history

I was foolish when I was younger

Then taken for a fool when less young

Before I met and married David

Being taken for a fool

Has left me financially compromised

Damaged

Something that will need to be sorted

Before David and I would ever consider having any joint bank accounts

Any joint financial ventures

But one day we will

I hope

I hope that we will have joint accounts for each of our children

Where we can put money for each of them

Including Matilda Mae

For University, their first home, first business

Whatever help they might need

Matilda Mae’s fund

Will be a safety fund

An emergency fund

In case anything goes wrong

Through us she will truly be her siblings guardian angel

We will also have a joint account for ourselves

A pot of money that we each contribute to

With agreed together goals

Dreams we want to make come true

The large extension to the back of our house

The natural swimming pool in the garden

Travelling the far flung corners of the world

Building a home on our land for family in the future

Should they need it

A classroom in a forest

A house by the sea

I think one of us will always pay the lion’s share of the practical things

At the moment that is David

I think that is how we will always work

One of us will be responsible for the day to day

And together we will reach for our dreams

Together we will make sure our family are provided for

We will join together in providing for our family

And making sure that they have everything that they need

That is what parenting means to me

Being there

No matter what

Supporting as much as we can

Without intruding

Making sure our children know our home is always their home

And that whenever they need us

We will only ever be a phone call away

And that through us

Joining together

Matilda Mae will be their guardian angel for always

This post was written in collaboration with TSB