The festive season is now behind us for another year
Last Christmas I hated Christmas
This year it was rather wonderful
It was slow and gentle
Full of love
Made of meaning
And littered with memories
Laced with hope
The reason I can say that is because we have found our ways
Of including Tilda in our day
In all our festivities
She is woven into the fabric of our celebrations
She is with us, in our hearts, always
It will never be like having her here
Our family days will always be tinged with sadness
She will always be missing
But her inclusion in all we do is natural to us now
It just is
She just is
Baby Tilda was, is and always will be, one of us
One of our family
I think we have started traditions now that will continue for always
In her memory
In her name
This is how we remember our baby at Christmas
I hope it will help you to remember yours
At Christmas and always
At the start of advent we place our star at the top of our house
It can be seen for miles around
Shining out above our village
We made the star with Tilda on her first and only Christmas
She adored playing with the lights as Daddy made the star
It is our Baby Tilda star
It goes up on the 2nd December
And shines brightly until the 6th January
It then burns again on the 2nd of Feb
The anniversary of the day that she died
Each December I buy a new light for Baby Tilda’s memory garden
This year I added a little polar bear
Her garden looks beautiful at Christmas time
This year we also added a fabulous net of lights from The LED Hut
They made the fence magical and we could see them shine from our breakfast and tea table
They lit up the baubles and stars that we hung in the crab apple tree
When we do treasure hunts for Christmas and Easter and birthday parties
We always hide things in Tilda’s garden for the children to find
It is our way of including her in the game
When we put up our tree each year
I have always bought each child a new decoration of their own
The plan is that when they leave home they will have a box of special decorations to take with them
So there own Christmas tree will be full of memories
Just like our family one
As well as buying decorations for our living children
I also buy one for our baby in the sky
This year Tilda was lucky enough to collect a few
Some sent by family and friends
One gifted by My 1st Years
This beautiful glass bauble
Contains a tiny glass angel
The bauble can be etched with a personalisation
We chose ‘Our Angel Baby Tilda’
It looked beautiful on our rainbow star tree
I cannot wait to get it out again next year
The bauble would make a wonderful gift for any family
Either celebrating a first
Or missing a last
It comes beautifully packaged and presented in a gift box
It really would make a very special present
To show someone you are thinking of them at Christmas time
On Christmas Eve
As darkness falls
On Christmas Eve
We go outside
And light sparklers
As we wave them in the air
We shout to the skies
Merry Christmas Baby Tilda!
On Christmas Day we light her candles
And we blow bubble kisses up to the sky
I was so proud of Esther this year
She took her pot of bubbles to Granny’s
And asked to go out and blow them
Before we opened our presents
This year Esther and William each had a Tilda present in their stocking
They had bought her a present too
And we had another special decoration added to our tree
This year I made a Tilda snow globe on Photobox
It was so quick and easy to do
And was a fun festive way
To have her photo on display
Writing this post is making me so sad
It has become so normal to include her in this way
When I plan anything
An event, occasion, holiday, day out
I think how Tilda can be included too
She is my daughter
As much as the others
She is my child
And I want her to be by my side
In my arms
In my life
Instead I carry her only in my heart
And in momentos in and around our home
It is so sad
But what else can I do?
What else am I supposed to do?
This is how we remember our angel at Christmas
How do you remember yours?
We were sent the lights, snow globe and personalised bauble to feature on this blog
She was such a beautiful baby. So full of smiles and hugs and love. So full of life. It will never make any sense. It is beautiful how much a part of your lives she still is, and will always be. Lots of hugs, Jennie xxx
Hello lovely, this post is beautiful – and in every way Jenny. I love the photos. I love the memories you’ve created and continue to create, Matilda’s garden, all the traditions you keep and hold dear, and, the way you include your baby to the point now that Esther is putting her to the fore like that.
I think the idea of giving the baubles you collect through the years for the children, to them when they leave home is rather wonderful. (And I may have to pinch that?! – I too, have always bought the GraceFaith girls a christmas tree decoration each year).
Lastly, the post bought a tear to my eye, that any parent ought to have to go through this.
Thinking of you. Much love. xxx
We remember our baby Morgan with a glass angel that we got for the first Christmas without him and gets hung on the tree every year. This was our third year and I still feel we haven’t found our way yet so reading your post has put a few thoughts in my head of what and how we can do this. His surviving twin brother turned 4 last weekend so this time of year is made all the more poinient and all the more harder.
It’s lovely when others remember what happened too. As well as a birthday present for our son, a friend of mine also gave us a candle to light in memory of his brother. Such a simple but thoughtful touch.
I hope your new Christmas traditions give strength to you and your family each year. x
I meant to add that our twins were also born at 27 weeks having survived surgery at 20 weeks. We spent 13 1/2 weeks in SCBU with Lucas, having lost Morgan at 18 days old.
(and please excuse the terrible spelling and uncorrected ‘poinient’ that should have been ‘poignant’!)
Her garden looks amazing and I think all the things you do to remember and include her in all your celebrations is beautiful x