Perfect Christmas Moments 2012

There is one Christmas I will never forget

It was the last Christmas I would ever truly enjoy

It was the last Christmas when I would truly be happy

happy

I look back at Christmas 2012 with love

With heartache and sorrow

And with thanks

year

I am so grateful that when Baby Tilda woke early on Christmas morning

I brought her downstairs

And together

Just the two of us we explored her Christmas sensory box

sensory 2

I am so thankful that we made a Christmas star

To shine above our house

And that Tilda loved the lights that made it so very much

starlight

Now every year it shines for her

Her light shines over us from the start of advent

To the anniversary of her death on 2nd February

night sky

Christmas 2012 was the last time I felt truly excited

We booked a holiday at Coombe Mill for Tilda’s first birthday

On the evening of Christmas Day

How could we have known then

That we would take her with us

But as ashes in a paper bag

Inside a wooden boat

And she would not be coming home

christmas baby

Christmas 2012 I made Baby Tilda a Christmas box

Filled with gifts to discover

Her main present was a rocking horse

That now stands in our bedroom

Never used

horse

We made the most of that Christmas

Esther and William were just at the start of understanding

Believing in Santa Claus

I am glad that year we got a photo of all us

With the big man himself

It is not something we would normally do

together

I am so glad that we went to my family Christmas party

And everyone got to meet our beautiful Matilda Mae

mm

I am so so grateful that we had a Christmas photo shoot

Something we had never done before

And probably will never do again

shoot

I will always be glad

That we had such a perfect Christmas with Matilda Mae

All the festive fun we had

Make up many of my most treasured memories

Of our beautiful baby girl

beauty

Tilda loved Christmas

She loved all the attention

The excitement

She loved the bells

Jingle Bells was her favourite song

It will always remind us of her

bells

Christmas 2012 was supposed to be our flagship Christmas

The Christmas that started off our traditions as a family

Christmas 2012 was wonderful, magical and full of perfect moments

In the lead up to Christmas 2012

Baby Tilda tested a Little Tikes Trike

She adored it

We adored her in it

We thought we would have more time!

little tike

Baby Tilda sat at the head of the table on Christmas Day 2012

head of the table

Now she will always be missing

Every day

But especially at Christmas

118

She is our Christmas angel

Our Christmas Star

All the song lyrics are about her

And though we will have many Merry Christmases

Growing as a family

We will never be truly happy again

Because one of us is gone

One chair at our Christmas table will always be empty

One less stocking on the fireplace

One of us will always be missing

And so I will forever be thankful

For Christmas 2012

heaven

Merry Christmas! This post is my entry into the Tots100/Little Tikes 12 Days of Christmas competition.

Last year I tried so hard to get this kitchen for Esther and William

It seems rather fitting to try and win it for them now

As we face our second Christmas without Matilda Mae

And make the most of our first

Hopefully not our last and only

With Rainbow Baby Beatrice Hope

Merry Christmas Everyone x

christmas

8 thoughts on “Perfect Christmas Moments 2012

  1. Such a beautiful post, I am so glad you had such a wonderful Christmas that year, I only wish you could have it all again, with all 4 of your lovely children. I hope you have a nice Christmas and create some more memories, just wish she was there with you too xx

  2. I sit here wrapping my twins presents, they are almost the same age as Esther and William, and once again you have me in tears. None of you should ever have to have experienced the pain and sadness you have. I hope in time you experience the happiness of Christmas once more. xx

  3. Jennie, this post is so wonderful. I’ve always struggled to read your blog, it’s so filled with emotion and beautiful memories that I find myself hugging my girls that bit harder. This post, as usual, leaves me heartbroken and teary eyed. Merry Christmas to you all and no doubt that start is shining super bright helping you make some wonderful new memories, and, eventually finding the joy in it all again. Xx

  4. Such a heart-breaking but lovely post. The photos of Matilda Mae are just gorgeous. I’m so sorry for what you suffer. I hope you still have a wonderful Christmas with your family, even though it can never be the same, as you say. Love Jess x

  5. Such an emotional post , the photos are beautiful , i only wish you could have christmas with all four of your children . merry christmas to you all xx

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