There is one Christmas I will never forget
It was the last Christmas I would ever truly enjoy
It was the last Christmas when I would truly be happy
I look back at Christmas 2012 with love
With heartache and sorrow
And with thanks
I am so grateful that when Baby Tilda woke early on Christmas morning
I brought her downstairs
And together
Just the two of us we explored her Christmas sensory box
I am so thankful that we made a Christmas star
To shine above our house
And that Tilda loved the lights that made it so very much
Now every year it shines for her
Her light shines over us from the start of advent
To the anniversary of her death on 2nd February
Christmas 2012 was the last time I felt truly excited
We booked a holiday at Coombe Mill for Tilda’s first birthday
On the evening of Christmas Day
How could we have known then
That we would take her with us
But as ashes in a paper bag
Inside a wooden boat
And she would not be coming home
Christmas 2012 I made Baby Tilda a Christmas box
Filled with gifts to discover
Her main present was a rocking horse
That now stands in our bedroom
Never used
We made the most of that Christmas
Esther and William were just at the start of understanding
Believing in Santa Claus
I am glad that year we got a photo of all us
With the big man himself
It is not something we would normally do
I am so glad that we went to my family Christmas party
And everyone got to meet our beautiful Matilda Mae
I am so so grateful that we had a Christmas photo shoot
Something we had never done before
And probably will never do again
I will always be glad
That we had such a perfect Christmas with Matilda Mae
All the festive fun we had
Make up many of my most treasured memories
Of our beautiful baby girl
Tilda loved Christmas
She loved all the attention
The excitement
She loved the bells
Jingle Bells was her favourite song
It will always remind us of her
Christmas 2012 was supposed to be our flagship Christmas
The Christmas that started off our traditions as a family
Christmas 2012 was wonderful, magical and full of perfect moments
In the lead up to Christmas 2012
Baby Tilda tested a Little Tikes Trike
She adored it
We adored her in it
We thought we would have more time!
Baby Tilda sat at the head of the table on Christmas Day 2012
Now she will always be missing
Every day
But especially at Christmas
She is our Christmas angel
Our Christmas Star
All the song lyrics are about her
And though we will have many Merry Christmases
Growing as a family
We will never be truly happy again
Because one of us is gone
One chair at our Christmas table will always be empty
One less stocking on the fireplace
One of us will always be missing
And so I will forever be thankful
For Christmas 2012
Merry Christmas! This post is my entry into the Tots100/Little Tikes 12 Days of Christmas competition.
Last year I tried so hard to get this kitchen for Esther and William
It seems rather fitting to try and win it for them now
As we face our second Christmas without Matilda Mae
And make the most of our first
Hopefully not our last and only
With Rainbow Baby Beatrice Hope
Merry Christmas Everyone x
Such a beautiful post, I am so glad you had such a wonderful Christmas that year, I only wish you could have it all again, with all 4 of your lovely children. I hope you have a nice Christmas and create some more memories, just wish she was there with you too xx
me too x so much x thank you x
I sit here wrapping my twins presents, they are almost the same age as Esther and William, and once again you have me in tears. None of you should ever have to have experienced the pain and sadness you have. I hope in time you experience the happiness of Christmas once more. xx
Oh Jennie, What a beautiful post of perfect moments with Matilda Mae. I wish so much everything was different and she was here to love and enjoy another Christmas with you all. So much love xxx
Jennie, this post is so wonderful. I’ve always struggled to read your blog, it’s so filled with emotion and beautiful memories that I find myself hugging my girls that bit harder. This post, as usual, leaves me heartbroken and teary eyed. Merry Christmas to you all and no doubt that start is shining super bright helping you make some wonderful new memories, and, eventually finding the joy in it all again. Xx
Thinking of you and your beautiful family always xxx
Such a heart-breaking but lovely post. The photos of Matilda Mae are just gorgeous. I’m so sorry for what you suffer. I hope you still have a wonderful Christmas with your family, even though it can never be the same, as you say. Love Jess x
Such an emotional post , the photos are beautiful , i only wish you could have christmas with all four of your children . merry christmas to you all xx