And Suddenly All The Christmas Songs Are About You

Christmas is a time for families to be together

For sorrows and worries to be forgotten

A festival of merriment

A time for hope and cheer

A time to reflect on what has been

And what is yet to come

christmas together

Christmas is about a mother and her baby

Christmas is about heaven and angels and stars

Christmas is about peace

Christmas is about coming home

owl christmas

Christmas is not fun for everyone

Christmas can be unimaginably hard

christmas box

Last year I would not have Christmas music in our house

Last year I did not need to explain death to my 3 year old twins as they watched The Snowman and The Snow Dog

They knew all too well what it meant for the boy if his dog had died

Last year I could not face Christmas dinner with one person missing from the table

Last year I did not have the strength or courage to pretend

This year I will

I have to

Esther and William are a little older

It is not their fault

Their baby sister died

They deserve to have magical Christmas moments

That will become treasured Christmas memories

I owe them that

But if you see me this Christmas smiling

Know inside my heart is breaking

Christmas is about children

And one of mine is not here

One of mine never can be here

One of mine is missing always

And missed immensely at Christmas time

Tilda at Christmas

I will be the mummy sobbing at the school nativity

As Away in a Manger is sung

I will be the mummy in church

Whose tears fall on her baby’s head

As she tries to sing the words to Silent Night

I will be the mummy staring at a garden

Filled with festive lights

Hoping they can be seen by her daughter up in heaven

christmas windmill

I will be the mummy trying to hold in the need

To shout out loud my baby’s name

And ask of all the happy people

Have you forgotten? She should be here!

I will be the driver one moment singing along to the car stereo

One moment pulled over too sad and angry to drive

I will be the one when it is over

Physically and emotionally exhausted

Trying to find the courage and strength to face another new year

Without her baby girl

tilda at christmas

Christmas is a time for families to be together

For sorrows and worries to be forgotten

A festival of merriment

A time for hope and cheer

A time to reflect on what has been

And what is yet to come

Christmas is about a mother and her baby

Christmas is about heaven and angels and stars

Christmas is about peace

Christmas is about coming home

Christmas is not fun for everyone

Christmas can be unimaginably hard

christmas 12

Faithful friends who are dear to us
gather near to us once more

Through the years we all will be together
If the Fates allow

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

Tilda lights up Christmas

Bless all the dear children in thy tender care,
And take us to heaven, to live with Thee there.
Away In A Manger

Holy infant so tender and mild,
Sleep in heavenly peace,
Sleep in heavenly peace
Silent Night

christmas 2012

Christmas Eve will find me
Where the love light gleams
I’ll be home for Christmas
If only in my dreams
If only in my dreams
I’ll Be Home For Christmas

I’m dreaming of a White Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
Where the treetops glisten
and children listen
To hear sleigh bells in the snow.
White Christmas

Christmas Tilda

I don’t want a lot for Christmas
There’s just one thing I need
I don’t care about presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you.
All I Want For Christmas Is You

starlight

O holy night,
The stars are brightly shining;
Holy Night

tilda star

6 thoughts on “And Suddenly All The Christmas Songs Are About You

  1. Oh Jennie. I’ve just read this with tears in my eyes. I’ve never really thought about the lyrics to the xmas songs, but they have taken on a whole new, and poignant, meaning. Tilda has touched so many people in so many ways – I see stars and immediately think of her, and Christmas is a time full of stars, so she and you guys, will be in my thoughts more than ever. xx

  2. You’ve probably seen his before, but I found it and thought of you. Please please don’t think this means you should be feeling better by now, it really doesn’t. I can’t imagine how hard this time of year, in fact all times of year, must be for you and your family.

    LOVE YOU FROM HEAVEN
    ~ Author Unknown
    As I sit in heaven
    And watch you everyday
    I try to let you know with signs
    I never went away

    I hear you when you’re laughing
    And watch you as you sleep
    I even place my arms around you
    To calm you as you weep

    I see you wish the days away
    Begging to have me home
    So I try to send you signs
    So you know you are not alone

    Don’t feel guilty that you have
    Life that was denied to me
    Heaven is truly beautiful
    Just you wait and see
    So live your life, laugh again

    Enjoy yourself, be free
    Then I know with every breath you take
    You’ll be taking one for me…

  3. I’ve just read this and have tears streaming down my face. I’m dreading my first Christmas without my beautiful boy, Christmas 2013 was the best Christmas I’ve ever had and ever will have again regardless of what may happen in the future. I could win the lottery and have 10 babies but that hole in my heart will still be there.
    I was in Tesco the other day and that terrible song ‘Stay Another Day’ by East 17 came on and had me welling up, it’s ridiculous. This year Christmas is just another day to get through x

  4. Beautiful, heartbreaking, and full of such love for your darling baby girl. I am holding you and your family in my thoughts. This season can be brutal…. I hope you find the room to continue to grieve and love your sweet baby in the midst of the busyness, and that those around you are sensitive and thoughtful.
    -Janel

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