Today has been a rainy and windy day
Such a contrast from the sunshine of yesterday
But I am glad for the rain today
I am glad for the rain and the puddles
As I sit and watch tears fall from Heaven
My own river silently flows
Tears of love and loss
For Matilda Mae
One year ago was such a special day
One that will be etched in my heart forever
In our wellies
For baby Matilda Mae
It was a glorious family day
Marking 9 months in the womb, 9 months alive and 9 months dead
And though I did not know it then
It was the first day of another 9 months
The first day of 39 weeks and five days
That I would be pregnant with Bea
The dates, those numbers
They surely can not be chance
When Bea turns 9 months we will be at Coombe Mill
Just days after Tilda’s third birthday
I am certain that it has been made so
Somehow
So that Tilda will be close
So we might feel her close
On a night we all are dreading
So much has happened in a year
Yet it feels like no time at all
21 months without our baby girl
How can that possibly be?
One year since we walked in our wellies
One year since we followed her star
We have not moved on from that moment
And yet we have come so far
Time just marches on
Taking everyone and everything standing in its path
Baby Tilda is being left farther and further behind
But not by me
Never by me
I will love her and miss her this much until the day that I die
Until I see my baby again in Heaven
When we will play together
Beyond the rainbow
Among the stars
I love you and miss you Matilda Mae
And will do for all of my days x
xxxx
Patterns, meaning. Always there is meaning under this chaos. I can sense the promise in your words. The promise to remember, always. It might seem like the world moves on, when time moves on, but there are always those who remember. Who see a star and think , as you do, of Tilda.
Sending so much love, there is meaning in all those patterns and one day you will be together again, until then we are all here holding your hand and remembering your beautiful little Matilda Mae xx