When you have lost a baby to SIDS
Reading about it in the papers
Hearing about it on the news
Is really really hard
No one really knows what causes SIDS
There are no conclusive answers
Babies die of SIDS everywhere
Cots, sofas, parents’ bed, bouncy chair, car seat and pram
Babies have died of SIDS in their mother’s arms
I know that reports have to be published
I know that the findings have to be discussed
But if you choose to write about it
Criticise what you read
Remember that you are talking about someone’s baby
A real live healthy baby
Who just died
Some neonatal deaths are tragic accidents
That parents have to live with for the rest of their lives
Some infant deaths have no conclusive cause of death
Nothing certain
After tests and post mortems
There is no reason
And parents have to live with this for the rest of their lives
Explain to siblings that they just do not know why some babies die
A beautiful healthy baby just went to sleep and died
I read the reports
The responses to the reports
The throw away remarks
With a very different perspective to someone who has never lost a baby
It is the second time since Tilda died that co-sleeping and SIDS has been in the news
And I still feel as I did a little over a year ago
Our Rainbow Baby is due in a matter of weeks
And I cannot rule out the fact that she will sleep in my bed
Tilda slept with me most nights of her life
And one of the few nights she was in a cot
She died
I am terrified every night
That one of my children will not wake up in the morning
I do everything I can to ensure that my children sleep safely
But there are still no guarantees
That my baby, my children, will not die
Reports need to be written
Guidelines offered
Responses made
Parents need access to all the information
And they need help to decide how best to use that information for them
In their family situation
To keep their children safe
I hope that together professional agencies and charities
Can find a way to come together and do just that
Read my first post about SIDS and Co-Sleeping
Read my post about SIDS and The New Baby
Read the NCT response to NICE here
Read more from The Lullaby Trust here
Did they mention anything to you about her over heating? With you saying recently that she was in a Grobag the night she went to sleep as well as blanket/s which isn’t advised even when its cold. It’s such a worry that they don’t know what causes SIDS. The guidelines have reduced numbers but people still use blankets, over layer babies, put toys in the cot etc and some follow the guidelines and the awful still happens. But sadly perhaps some things are just meant to be as awful and wrong as it is. I’m sure rainbow will be ultra safe esp with her big sister looking after her
The Coronor told us that she did not overheat x She did not suffocate x Her body just stopped working x https://www.edspire.co.uk/year_2013/03/14/the-day-the-coronor-called/
I’m so sorry that you have experienced this tragedy. Thank you for having the strength to write about it. I hope that you have support to enable you to fully enjoy your rainbow baby. With doula love, Lindsey
I do so hope that one day there is a breakthrough with the research. This shouldn’t happen to any baby, any family. I’ve never met you, but my heart breaks when I see photos of you and Tilda – I still find it hard to comprehend that she is no longer here. You are a very brave lady xx
Fingers crossed one day they will find and answer, a reason why this still happens much more than people think. I know it’s too late for Tilda and other’s but it would be fantastic if they could find out why this happens so that they can stop it happening to other children in the future. Beautiful photos of you and Tilda xx
I know we don’t know each other but I’ve been thinking of you a lot today, I read the new guidance last night, perhaps that’s why. I’ve been thinking how brave you are to have another child, yet I understand; I’ve been thinking about your anxiety and how that will be when rainbow arrives. I worried about SIDS with all my babies, a local mother’s baby died while I was pregnant with no., 3 which made me more concerned. But I co-slept with all of them while they were breastfeeding until about six months. This time I’m permanently anxious that my baby will die. I know our situations are very different but Abi’s brain haemhorrage was similar to SIDS in that it was sudden, unpredictable, untreatable and unexplainable. That shock is very hard to live with. I have been cosleeping again but I wake in fear. Last night I read that paper and put him in the babybay crib but by his 3am feed hewwanted to be with me so he came back in. I feel terrible like I’m putting his life at risk. It’ll be my fault if he dies in our bed. I carry him pretty much all day. He likes to be close and he’s never out of my sight. I’m on permanent alert. But this post actually comforted me, knowing that cosleeping was not an issue. I know each case is different and just like Abi we’ll never know why then, why that child. I try to be less worried. I try to believe it can’t happen to us again but then I think that makes it more likely to happen. Does that make sense? I’ve not bought a monitor yet as I’m worried it’ll make me worse. I just know I won’t settle until at least a year and even still I get scared at bedtime (Abi died at bedtime too). Believing in tomorrow is all we have and I thank you for sharing your thoughts as it’s helped this other grieving, anxious mum immensely. Xxx
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