Yesterday I set up a lovely activity for our Minibeast Monday
Esther and William love threading at the moment
So I laid out a table of different threading challenges
William was keen to get started
Esther was rather reluctant
In fact all she really wanted to do was cuddle
I thought perhaps it was because I had been away for the weekend
She seemed very hot
I changed her out of the tshirt and leggings that she wore to school
Into a sleeveless summery dress
She was still hot and so I gave her some Nurofen
I asked David to check and he agreed she was hot
She never really got to grips with the threading yesterday
But she did eat some snacks, do some puzzles and jigsaws
Have a walk round the garden
And eat her tea
She was flushed and warm
I gave her some Calpol while she was in the bath
After her bath as we were getting ready for bed
She became a bit agitated
She was on David’s lap and kept pulling his arms tighter round her
She was naked from the bath
I kept watching her
I was worried about her
As I watched
I told David that she did not look right
Then all of a sudden
So suddenly
Her eyes rolled into the back of her head
Her head flopped forwards
And then backwards
She looked out cold
I thought she was dead
I screamed to David
And to David’s Dad who was upstairs
I ran to the phone and called 999
I was screaming down the phone
I recognised the tone of my voice
I have used it before
The night Matilda died
And though I was talking about Esther
And getting out the words I needed to say
In my head all I could here was myself screaming
She’s dead! She’s dead!
While I was on the phone
David and his Dad rushed into action
They took Esther outside
She was all floppy
And so pale
Ashen white
Blue around the lips
She was burning up
Daddy and Granddad dunked her in the paddling pool
Hoping that would rouse her
It did not
They wrapped her in a wet towel
The David panicked that something might be stuck in her airway
He put her over his shoulder and hit her on the back
Granddad stood behind
And after seconds that felt like hours
Said that our little girl was breathing
Granddad took over on the phone
I ran to the lounge
To find William
Crying and hyperventilating
Our poor little boy was terrified
I picked him up and he clung to me
And cried
How we both cried
Esther was now in the recover position
Not really responding to us
We kept talking to her
Daddy was trying to get her to answer a question
Trying to make her laugh
She started to respond
She was so pale
Frail
Weak
She started to respond more
But her temperature was also starting to rise again
There was nothing more we could do
But wait for the ambulance to arrive
And be ready to ride with her to the hospital
We had no idea what was wrong with our beautiful girl
The ambulance arrived
We took Esther into the ambulance
To be checked
At this point her temperature was 38.7
They told us that she had suffered a Febrile Convulsion
And while this was terrifying
It was not usually anything to worry about
It was the body’s reaction to her fever
Not helped by the hot, humid weather
I was living a split life
There with Esther
But also there with Tilda
All over again
The fear
The pain
Surely there was no way we were going to lose another child?
And though I could hear the words
She is going to be all right
You have done all the right things
It just would not sink in
Once Esther had been checked
We rode in the ambulance to A&E
All the while remembering the last time we had made this journey
Taking Tilda’s dead body to the same hospital
Esther was still dazed in the ambulance
She looked so small
Tiny and naked wrapped in a white sheet
When she spoke in her Daddy’s arms
It was to ask for William
The next thing was to ask if she was going home
When we arrived at the hospital and waiting in A&E
She turned to me and stroked my face
And without any prompting said
I love you
It was almost too much
I can not bear the thought of ever losing Esther
Or William
We were seen by a doctor in A&E
Who confirmed the diagnosis of Febrile Convulsion
Esther’s blood pressure was very low
Her temperature was still very high
It was after about an hour of being at the hospital
That Esther started to become more normal again
Able to talk to us more
To play on Daddy’s phone
She was so loving
And cuddly
I think she had had quite a shock
We had certainly had quite a fright
Knowing that Tilda died suddenly
When Esther collapsed
It was the natural thing for me to think
That Esther was dead too
The pain etched across David’s face
The tears in his eyes
Told me that he felt the same
I am so so thankful that Esther is alive
That we brought our eldest daughter home
The hospital were wonderful
We were taken up to the children’s ward
Where Esther was examined again
They ruled out a urine infection
And talked to us more about Febrile Convulsions
Before letting us take our daughter home
David’s Dad collected us from the hospital
By this time Esther was seeming to be fine
I was all stiff and swollen and feeling quite ill
At 34 weeks pregnant
Having not eaten since lunch time some 12 hours ago
I was not in a good physical state
I was also not sure amidst all the panic
If I had been feeling Rainbow Baby move
David and I were also both an emotional mess
Once again we had been reminded
How precious and fragile life can be
How much we adore our children
Each other
How grateful we are to have David’s parents so very close by
And as David’s Dad drove us home through the early hours
I remembered that same journey
16 months before
With David’s Mum at the wheel
And no car seat carrying precious cargo in the back of the car
My heart broke for Baby Tilda
Our beautiful Matilda Mae
But I was so thankful that Esther was with us
And we were taking her home
Watching your daughter collapse in her father’s arms
Is a terrifying thing
Made all the worse when you have already had one baby die
You feel helpless
Lost
Distraught
And yet something takes over you
And you do what has to be done
Because you are a mother or a father or a grandfather
You do what you do out of love and desperation
To save a little life
Febrile convulsions are usually ‘benign’
They are apparently common in small children
But they are utterly terrifying when they happen to someone who is part of you
I wish I had known about them
Before our beautiful Esther had one
Before we thought that our eldest daughter had been taken from us suddenly too
Esther is on the road to recovery now
I think that this night will haunt David and I
For a long long time to come
Gosh Jennie, this sounds terrifying. I can’t even begin to imagine. I’m just glad that Esther is ok and on the mend. And I hope poor William is ok too.
On Jennie, how very scary for you all. I’m glad Esther is OK after her experience, but I bet William will need a lot more cuddles while he gets it all sorted in his head. Big hugs. Xxx
Could hardly finish reading this through tears. How utterly terrifying for you all. Thank goodness Esther is home and better. I honestly don’t know how you cope with everything that life is throwing at you. Xx
Crying here. I can imagine how scary that was. It’s different, but when Twinkle was a baby, 6 weeks maybe i think, she had a temperature and stopped responding to us. we called an ambulance and went to hospital, I remember unstoppable tears and shaking because my brain went immediately to shes going to die, im going to lose another baby. we are forever changed by those experiences.
xx I can’t even imagine what your going through. I am in tears just reading this. I am so glad she is ok. Hugs to you all xx
It’s so scary to read and I can’t even imagine what you all have gone through. Thank God she is ok. Take care x x x
I knew of these and kept my eye on my son when he had a fever, at one point I was really scared as his body was shaking but his was boiling hot. I’m so sorry you had to go through this, it is only now you know that it isn’t uncommon or life threatening but when you see it happening it is so scary and terrifying I can understand how you must have felt.
I’m glad David’s Dad was with you to help out and I’m glad Esther is feeling better. Hope William is also okay as well as yourself and David.
You poor poor thing, we have been there twice with Baba. First one he was 8 months old and he was so hot and poorly, I got my father in law to take us to the doctor and he had the convulsion in the car. He went completely blue, my FIL had to bring him back round I was screaming in the middle of the street and was hysterical. I knew what it was but was still hysterical. I have had them, Mr had them and our nephew had them we knew Baba had a high chance of having them. His second he had around 15 months and was at my mums without me and started to have one in his highchair. Getting that phone call from my dad I have never run so fast in all my life. It is the most frightening thing in the world. But it is very common, and a normal thing. Now at nearly 6 Baba and his daddy and I are pros at nurofen and calpol, he is super at school telling them if he is hot and too be honest he never fails to know when he has a temperature and goes to get his medicine from the office. He is also near the cut off point for having them although he does also suffer with rigors which are very similar but he doesn’t loose consciousness, they are almost like a warning that his temperature is rising and to be aware. Those he wont grow out of but we are used to them, he can still talk to us with them and is still with us. I am totally with you that it is the most frightening thing ever and after Matilda I can not imagine how scared you are. But she is and will be ok, her little body is actually doing her good, it’s fighting the temp and that is a good thing however horrible it is. All my love as always and I hope you can rest soon after this xxxxxxxx
Even though I knew from FB that Esther was doing ok this evening, reading thisi just could help feel terrified for you. I was shaking. Knowing you had to live through all those emotions and motions again. I’m so glad you had David’s Dad with you. I can only imagine the horror you must have all been reliving.
I’m so glad that Esther is OK.
Sending you all my love. Lucy xx
goodness Jennie words fail me but what an absolute shocker and a reminder of how precious life is and how important loved ones are. i am so relieved she is ok and you all are, if very badly shaken up (hugs) x xx
oh Jennie, my son had a Febrile Convulsion on Friday 13. Just like you described. I have never been so scared in all my life, I thought he was choking, we treated him for choking and then he went floppy and blue/grey he couldn’t speak, his eyes pinpricks, rolling, then gone. I thought he was dying in our arms on our front doorstep, I thought he had choked too long. I cannot imagine how scary it was for you having already lost a child, I have never been so scared in all my life. The paramedic brought him round and he was back to himself by the time we got to hospital. After two days of tests, we too had it explained that it was common, a febrile convulsion that he was fine. To be honest I am finding it hard at the moment, I am terrified it will happen again, I am waking up crying or nightmaring he is gone even though logically I know that if it did he would be fine. I just feel very traumatised. Sending you lots of love xxxx
I’m so so sorry that you had to make this scary experience and so glad that Esther was well enough to come back home with you again. I can’t even imagine how scared you must have been…
We have also experienced febrile convulsions. Lexi was 23 months old, I had just started my first day at my apprenticeship, my mil was doing me a favour and had her for the day as I couldnt get her into nursery. I got back about 5.40, she was hot and grumpy and not wanting to play really, at 5.50 she had her fit sat on my knee, I froze completely and didn’t know what to do 🙁 lexi is now a happy 3 and a half year old but fevers panic me so much now. I’m glad Esther is ok though xx
I cannot imagine what you and David must have gone through, the raw painful emotions brought flashing back. I hope William is ok too, he must have been so scared. I am glad to read that Esther is ok.
I am so sorry!! This sounds horrific and I’m crying just thinking about it. Thank you for making us aware. Temperatures are very very scary. I hope Esther is feeling better now and your little family can have some peace.
So scary, and awful that you have had to go through something like this.
I do hope she recovers soon.
Sending love and thinking of you and all of your family.
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My heart aches for you Jennie and the never ending worries you endure. I am so unbelievably thankful that Esther is Ok and just want to hug little William for all that he has seen and heard. I cannot Imagine how you feel but am truly glad that all is Ok – physically speaking of course. Love and prayers xx
What a horrible experience for you all. Febrile convulsions are so, so scary. I blogged about one Arlo had when he was 8 months old – like you, I had absolutely no clue what was going on, and I thought the worst. I still get anxious when he is poorly. Hope Esther is feeling a bit better now x
Oh my goodness Jennie, my heart just broke all over again for you, couldn’t read through the tears. What an awful things for you all to go through, especially after all you have been through with Tilda too. I can only imagine how frightened and horrified you must have been. I am glad she is on the mend, and can only hope that William, David and you recover mentally in time from this as must have been so scary for you all. Take care xxx
Jennie I missed all this. How utterly terrifying for you and David, and Esther and William. I knew of these from my friend who is a health visitor but didn’t realise they could be so incredibly scary. I am so so glad that Esther is ok, and thank you for highlighting the issue for other parents. After all your family have been through this must have had you completely shaken to the core. x
Oh Jennie 🙁 What a dreadful and cruel thing to have to go through after everything. I’m so glad Esther is ok now but it’s also ok for you to take a while to recover from it. Lots of love xxxx
You must all feel like complete emotional wrecks. Hope you’ve all been taking it easy today and feel a little less drained than last night. Gentle hugs for all of you x
A horrible experience I know all to well as my daughter has been having them since she turned 1 last year. I get scared every time she gets a fever but you learn the signs and she will gradually grow out of them. Glad to hear Esther is ok and I hope William is too as he was probably so worried, bless him xx
Oh my goodness, I hope Esther is on the mend now. My middle child had 2 febrile convulsions, the first one was the worse. The raging temperature, floppy body, eyes rolled back and foaming at the mouth. I was in a complete state of panic, we dialled 999. After a 2 day stay in hospital because the temperature would not subside it was put down to a viral infection. Apparently at 18 months of age they can’t regulate their body temperatures very well. I learnt about the recovery position, that calpol and neurofen could be used alternately and that thankfully the child doesn’t remember it. It’s making me well up thinking about it all now and particularly how it must have been for you. I wish you all well. xx
Febrile convulsions are utterly terrifying. I wish the universe could have spared you this experience. My son suffers epileptic seizures that are very similar to febrile convulsions in that he stops breathing. First time it happened we thought he was dead. He’s had six of them in his life and each time I think we are losing him. It’s utterly awful. Thank you for this post and for raising awareness of something all parents should know x
Both mine did it! Scariest thing ever! evie did it with every high temperature until she was 4 ! Sending big hugs x x
Oh Jennie I am so so sorry you all went through this, reading this through tears. I’d heard about febrile convulsions before but thank you for reminding us all. Sending love and strength x
I can’t imagine how terrifying this was Jennie! I also knew next to nothing about frebile convulsions and I’m about to read your follow up info post so I am better prepared should I ever need to be. I think it was only natural that you panicked and feared the worst. I think you will be on permanent red alert with your children for all the years they live under your roof, and then some. I am so pleased that Esther is well and is home where she belongs xx
Nothing can prepare you for dealing with a febrile convulsion or a seizure.
I’m so sorry you all had to go through this.
As you know, my little Oz has seizures. They’re non febrile – they’re epileptic.
Even with all my training and experience it is utterly terrifying. I don’t go into details but we’ve had some pretty awful ordeals with him.
I’m pleased to say we are 15 months seizure free and I’m glad about that.
Sending hugs and well wishes for Esther xx
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I cannot imagine how terrifying this must have been for you – I am so glad Esther is ok now.
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