I am not entirely sure how we got here

How we got here so fast

But here we are

Rainbow and me

31 weeks pregnant

In 9 weeks our Rainbow Baby will be here

The last few weeks

Have been quite incredible

I am feeling her move all the time

And I can see her too

I did not have this with Tilda

As my placenta was on the front

But this time my placenta is mostly on the back

And I, we, can see our baby move

David finds it highly amusing

She is quite the fidget

And seems to like tumbling and rolling

The other day she was trying to somersault

And she got stuck!

It was the strangest sensation

I had to get on to all fours

And wiggle her and jiggle her about

Until she moved

All these movements are wonderfully reassuring

They are also quite uncomfortable and exhausting

But in a funny way are helping me to bond

With this baby who seems to already have a strong character of her own

As we are now well in to the third trimester

It is time to start making plans and preparations

There is still so much to do

The main priority is finishing our bedroom

We have made some progress

As well as David working every hour

On building and decorating the room

We have started to sleep upstairs

It has taken us 16 months

To work up the courage to do it

But we are back on the second floor

Still literally on the floor

But we are sleeping back upstairs

It feels like a huge leap for us

But the biggest move will be back into our bedroom

Where we slept every night with Baby Tilda

The room where she died

The room where no one could save her

But the room itself will be unrecognisable

David is making sure of that

Everything will be new

Different in every way

From the bedroom that once we knew

And as David prepares the physicality of the room

I am busy planning what will be in it

I am also starting to collect things together

That I think we will need

That baby will need

And that we will not have time to get once she is here

Stokke have kindly sent me a Stokke Steps highchair and bouncer to review

I have not been brave enough to take it out of the box yet

But I think that next week might be the week to do that

I love the idea of the Stokke Steps

And being able to have baby with us at the table

When we are eating or crafting

I have strong memories of Tilda’s bouncer

Being precariously balanced on the table when she was new

So that we could all see her and include her during meals and acivities

At the crematorium, at Tilda’s goodbye

My Uncle told of how Tilda was like a pot plant

Sat in her her Bumbo in the middle of the dinner table

Stokke Steps means that Rainbow can be with us

In a much safer, more comfortable way

Stokke have also sent us a Carrier to try out with baby

And we have a beautiful pink Baba Sling for Rainbow’s earliest days

I am planning to breastfeed Rainbow Baby

Hoping to as I have done with the other three

I have some lovely Snoob Scarfs to review

And still have my trusted Mama Scarfs that I bought for Baby Tilda

At the moment we have nowhere for the baby to sleep

Sleep is a real concern for me

For us

When you have put your baby to sleep for her never to wake again

Sleep is an issue

A real concern

And I am not sure that I yet know

Where I want Rainbow Baby to sleep

I love the Snuzpod

I love the Bednest

I love the Stokke Sleepi for when she moves to her own room

But that is not going to be for at least a year

I love the Moba and the Shnuggle

Obviously she, we, do not need them all

So some decisions need to be made

The problem is that at 31 weeks pregnant

Decision making is not something that comes easily to me

Nor it would seem is writing

I have completely lost my thread in this post as I have been distracted by THIS!

I think I have just fallen head over heels in love with a pram!

But back to this …

I have had two trips to the hospital in the last week or so

Both routine visits

One for a scan and the other for antenatal clinic

I have growth scans every 4 weeks at the hospital

More for my peace of mind than anything else

My 28 week scan fell while we were away and so instead

We had it at 30 weeks

David came with me and I am so glad that he did

The sonographer had a doctor with her

Who was training to scan

So our growth scan was in much more detail than usual

It was a long and detailed look at all parts

Of our beautiful baby girl

Everything seems to be growing just as it should

Apparently she is already weighing close to 4lbs

It was wonderful watching her on the screen

Seeing her fingers and her toes

Seeing her yawn and move her eyes

It is amazing what you can see

And we heard her heartbeat

Her beautiful heartbeat

We had some quality time getting to know our baby girl

The follow up clinic was not until a few days afterwards

After the barn dance in fact

As I gave my urine sample at the clinic

I knew that I was going to be in trouble

For being dehydrated

As I suspected there were ketones in my urine

Meaning that my body was eating into its reserves

Meaning that I have not been eating and drinking enough

Apart from that physically everything is fine

The Consultant was wonderful

We talked about birth

The fact that I would like to try for a water birth again

As I did with Tilda

we talked about the fact that there would always be a midwife with me

And we talked about after the birth

And whether I should stay in hospital or not

The Consultant thinks that if we are able

We should aim to get out of the hospital and go straight home

Ultimately the decision will be mine

But I think she is right

If it is possible I will want to get home

The fears I have of baby dying are not going to go away

By spending a night in hospital

I would just be delaying facing the fears when we did eventually go home

The Consultant confirmed that baby is head down

And had a listen to her lovely healthy heartbeat

We talked a little more about having baby at home

And the Consultant is arranging for David and I to meet with a Paediatrician

To discuss monitoring baby when we get home

The doctor will talk to us about apnoea monitors

We have still not bought a monitor for use at home

Mostly because we are yet to decide where baby will sleep

So it will be good to have some professional, medical guidance

Rather than thinking from a sales perspective

About which monitor would be best for our baby

The paediatrician will also talk to us about cardio-pulmonary resuscitation training (CPR)

I am so grateful to the hospital for looking after us the way that they are

I always feel that I am being listened to and being heard

By the doctors and by my lovely midwife

This is really happening!

We are having a baby!

A daughter!

A little sister for Esther, for William

For beautiful Matilda Mae