Growing A Rainbow: 27+5 Growth Scan

Today we went to see our Rainbow

I am booked in for NHS growth scans

Every four weeks from now

28, 32, 36

Until she is here

But on Thursday we go away for 10 days

And I wanted to be sure

As much as we can ever be sure

That all is well before we go

So we went to our trusted Mr Penman

And we saw our little girl

rainbow1

Her beautiful beating heart

Blood flowing as it should

From placenta to baby through the cord

Placenta high and on the back

She is breech

Bottom first

Hands and feet all jumbled round her face

rainbow hands and feet

We saw her tiny feet

Her perfect little fingers

She is measuring big for her gestation thus far

Currently weighing around 2lb 9oz

So heading over the 8lb marker

If I carry her to term

rainbow2

We saw her little face

Her perfect tiny ears

We saw her yawn

And poke her tongue out

She stuck two fingers up

To tell us when our time with her was done!

rainbow fingers

It was very emotional seeing her

The excitement started to bubble

Before each bubble burst with pangs of guilt

Guilt and sadness for Matilda Mae

All the time I was trying to see

If this new baby would look like she?

And all the time I was asking myself

How will I feel if she does?

Will I be more disappointed if she does

Or she doesn’t?

growing rainbow

Pregnancy and parenting after loss

Is a very tricky game

A delicate balance to find within me

To enable me to be the best mummy I can be

To all of our children

Because I love them all equally

One can never take the place of another

There will always be room around our table

For all our little children

There will always be love in our hearts

For all of our children

Those living in our house

And those alive only in our hearts

They all are

And will continue to be

An important ongoing part of our family

A family of six

Our family of six

Five living and one in the sky

A delicate balance to find

My family and me

We!

12 weeks from now and she should be here

A baby among us again

The time is coming

To start accepting the fact that she is coming

Time to prepare one another

Time to get the house ready

But first we have our month of Mae

Then, then little Rainbow

We will give you the time, love and attention you deserve

Be patient with us Rainbow Baby

We love you already

More than you know x

15 thoughts on “Growing A Rainbow: 27+5 Growth Scan

  1. Jennie the 30th of this month will mark the 20th Anniversary of the loss of my two year old niece. Nothing can heal the pain we feel but time gives perspective. Grateful for what we had. This is a beautiful new and brilliant life and I wish you all the best and hope you enjoy every second XXX

  2. Oh Jennie – she is beautiful 🙂 You describe the very mixed feelings of pregnancy after loss so well. It must be incredibly tough. But you will love ( already do!!) this baby for herself and, as you say, that doesn’t take away one mote of love for Matilda Mae. Try not to feel guilty – she wouldn’t want that. Take care of yourself and precious bump! xx

  3. What a magical day seeing her gorgeous face! She does have a Tilda look to her which I think is .really special as it will always be a reminder of her beaut of a big sister. My aunt still celebrates the birthday (he was born silently but nether the less born & a beautiful person) of her son and it’s 23 years on… His 21st was great! I hope the month of Mae is kind to you and that June is full of rainbow excitement!

  4. Oh my she is beautiful! Thank you for sharing these precious pics. It must have been wonderful to see her and to hear that all is going well. Loving and enjoying your new daughter will never mean you miss your darling Matilda Mae any less xxx

  5. It’s so lovely that you have been able to see her so clearly and that she is doing so well. The scan pics are beautiful, your little girl is beautiful and she really is coming to be with you soon, how wonderful. xx

  6. Such amazing pictures!

    It’s really strange, but as I’ve read a couple of your most recent posts: I “hear” a different voice relaying these stories in my head. (You know the way you read something and you give it a voice in your head…. or is that just me? Anyway…) This a stronger voice, deeper voice than before. It reminds me of the firmness in the roar of a lioness.
    You are one strong mamma, with so much love to give all your children.

  7. Isnt technology wonderful, she looks so perfect, as she will be, loved and cherished for who SHE is, who she will become, every day you will love her more just like her three older siblings.

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