Headland Garden and Tilda’s Special Beach

A day of clouds and sunshine

A day of light and dark

Bright and shade

Sunlight and shadow

A day of rain then sun

And yet the rainbow respectfully stayed away

in the sky

Today was not a day for rainbows

Today was a day for Matilda Mae

Today we went back to the place

Where we spent Tilda’s birthday last year

We went to the Headland Garden

headland garden

In Polruan, near Fowey

The people there were so friendly

As we made our way down the cliff side

Winding past the bluebells

To Tilda’s special beach

baby tilda bluebells

It seemed so changed from last year

Which made me feel so sad

So much has changed since last year

We all have changed and grown

Everyone has aged a year

Except Matilda Mae

remembering together

Everything today was a reminder of how far we have come

Leaving our daughter behind

And it hurts so much to know

That every time we visit that place

We will all have changed and grown a little more

We will have left Baby Tilda a little further behind

Locked up tight in our hearts and our memories

our family

I can’t stand it

It makes me feel so scared

It is becoming harder and harder to persuade myself

That this is all some terrible mistake

And life will just go back to normal one day

on the rocks

Tomorrow our daughter should be two

Instead we will tonight wrap presents for her siblings

Dress the house for a party that has no guest of honour

But I cannot, will not, let her day go unmarked

Tomorrow is Baby Tilda’s birthday

And we will remember her

In all that we do we will honour her

And celebrate the too short time that we had with her

Were blessed and lucky enough to have her in our lives

esther

But inside my heart will shatter all over again

Into tiny shards that will pierce my body and soul

For all days

Because I should be able to wake up in the morning

And kiss my little girl happy birthday

Not send her wishes and kisses to the sky

I should be beaming with pride tomorrow

Admiring how much Tilda has changed and grown

Not feeling sad and scared

That we are all growing

All changing

All moving on in time

From our baby in the sky

We love you Matilda Mae

Baby Tilda

Happy 2nd birthday in the sky

TILDA AND ME

13 thoughts on “Headland Garden and Tilda’s Special Beach

  1. So heartbreaking. Of course it doesn’t make sense – how could it? And of course your heart will break all over again. It is just so wrong that Matilda Mae is not here. But you remember her and keep her with you so beautifully, in everything you do, every day. Tomorrow will be hard, but you will make it a special day for Esther and William, and I hope you will find some measure of comfort and peace, and some sign that Baby Tilda is watching and loving the celebrations. Thinking of you xxx

  2. Darling Jennie, I’m reading with tears in my eyes yet again. It is too, too cruel that Matilda is not here to celebrate her birthday. It is nature’s way for everything to continue to grow and change but 2nd May will always be her special day and you are honouring her memory in the most wonderful ways. Thinking of you as always x

    Happy Birthday Matilda, sending you special birthday wishes as you dance with the stars x

  3. I am so so sorry Jennie. Please draw strength that so many people are remembering her always and especially today and thinking of you all. It must be so heartbreaking to see everything else in the world move on without your beautiful little girl. She should be here and it is so unfair. Sending love and support for today xxx

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  5. Beautiful, beautiful girl, always to remain a baby here on Earth but turning two years old in Heaven and never, ever forgotten. I’m sending you so much love today, Jennie and I’m so, so sorry she’s not here like she should be. Love love love love love.

  6. My heart breaks all over for you again. Such a beautiful way to make Tilda’s 2nd birthday – just so sad that she is not here with you to enjoy it as she should. Will never understand why that isn’t so – life has been so cruel. On 2nd May, I went to mass to remember my granny’s anniversary but also forefront of my mind was a precious baby girl who should be with her family. I thought of Matilda Mae all day that day and lit a candle to send a kiss to her in the sky xxx

  7. What a beautiful scenery to have as your little Matilda’s special beach. Your post is beautiful, as ever, and I really feel for you. Happy birthday, Matilda Mae.

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