What Easter Means To Me

Here we are

Easter Sunday

Festivals and special days seem to come around so fast

Another day when all I can see

Is the gaping hole where Tilda should be

Easter with all it’s family gatherings, parties with friends and holidays with loved one

Reminds me of Matilda

And how we will never get to spend Easter with our daughter

She never had an Easter

Not one

Easter where we explore the death of Christ

Reminds me only of the death of Baby Tilda

The hole she has left in our hearts and our lives

Jesus died for a reason

What could God possibly want with my 9 month old daughter?

Easter is a time to celebrate the resurrection

God’s son died for us only to be raised again

The discovery of Christ’s empty tomb

Just makes me think of Tilda’s tiny white casket

Filled with her

Burned with her

Never to be returned

never coming back to us

Easter a festival of happiness and joy

Seeing everyone smile and spoil their children

Makes my heart ache for Matilda Mae

Makes my heart break for how our family should be today

All this happiness and rejoicing just makes me realise how sad I am

How sad our lives have become without Matilda Mae

Easter is a time of hope

Jesus returns to walk among us

I have hope for our Rainbow Baby

But even that wonder

Causes physical piercing pain

Because

There is no hope for Matilda Mae

There is faith that we will one day meet again

But during a time my faith should be at it’s strongest

It is tested to the limits

What use is faith and hope to me?

I do not want to believe we will one day meet again

In the beautiful garden of Heaven

Today it is of no comfort to me

That my baby is safe in the arms of Jesus

She should be playing with Esther and William

She should be safe in the arms of our family

Easter is not an easy time

When you have faith

And you miss some one

It is a time of crippling confusion

And stabbing pain

I want to shout out loud

To the world today

I miss my daughter

I love and miss Matilda Mae

On Easter Day

And all days

For always

I miss my baby girl

Easter Tilda

What could God possibly want with my 9 month old baby girl?

9 thoughts on “What Easter Means To Me

  1. Oh Jennie, I am just so sorry.

    I know that when I say my heart aches for all you have lost it is no comfort. How can it be when I know that your hearts are broken? But every day, especially days like today, you, Matilda, your family are in my heart. I just pray that today will be gentle on you all. That you are able to take the time you need to have for yourself. That you are surrounded by love for you and by love for your baby girl.
    With all of the love in the world x x x

  2. I don’t know what to say because I know there is nothing I can say to ease your pain. I cannot read and run though. All I can say is the realisation that Matilda never experienced Easter makes my heart so heavy. Sending you all the love in the world xx

  3. Oh Jennie – I wish all of our words could take away some of your pain but I know that is not so. I am thinking of you all today, as always x

  4. Dearest Jennie,
    I feel so sad for you. I wish there was something I could do to ease your pain. I am so sorry and I wish I knew why Matilda died. I am not surprised your faith is tested. It makes no sense at all. I wish this Easter was happy for you and it is so heartbreaking to hear Matilda never had an Easter. Thinking of you always xx

  5. Sometimes I write essays. Sometimes I don’t know what to say. Either is the same thing energetically… it’s just me, sending you Love.

    x x x x x x x x L o v e x x x x x x x x x x

  6. Oh Jennie,
    How utterly sad that she never had an Easter. I know she would have loved it so. I know me telling you that I’m here for you and thinking of you always, won’t take any of your pain away, and believe me if I knew a cure for that I would! But I am here for you and I am always thinking of you. Massive hugs, always. Kelly xx

  7. Jennie, your honesty and giving an insight into your thoughts makes this one of the best posts I’ve read about Easter. Sending lots of to you in this next testing period.

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