Here we are
Easter Sunday
Festivals and special days seem to come around so fast
Another day when all I can see
Is the gaping hole where Tilda should be
Easter with all it’s family gatherings, parties with friends and holidays with loved one
Reminds me of Matilda
And how we will never get to spend Easter with our daughter
She never had an Easter
Not one
Easter where we explore the death of Christ
Reminds me only of the death of Baby Tilda
The hole she has left in our hearts and our lives
Jesus died for a reason
What could God possibly want with my 9 month old daughter?
Easter is a time to celebrate the resurrection
God’s son died for us only to be raised again
The discovery of Christ’s empty tomb
Just makes me think of Tilda’s tiny white casket
Filled with her
Burned with her
Never to be returned
never coming back to us
Easter a festival of happiness and joy
Seeing everyone smile and spoil their children
Makes my heart ache for Matilda Mae
Makes my heart break for how our family should be today
All this happiness and rejoicing just makes me realise how sad I am
How sad our lives have become without Matilda Mae
Easter is a time of hope
Jesus returns to walk among us
I have hope for our Rainbow Baby
But even that wonder
Causes physical piercing pain
Because
There is no hope for Matilda Mae
There is faith that we will one day meet again
But during a time my faith should be at it’s strongest
It is tested to the limits
What use is faith and hope to me?
I do not want to believe we will one day meet again
In the beautiful garden of Heaven
Today it is of no comfort to me
That my baby is safe in the arms of Jesus
She should be playing with Esther and William
She should be safe in the arms of our family
Easter is not an easy time
When you have faith
And you miss some one
It is a time of crippling confusion
And stabbing pain
I want to shout out loud
To the world today
I miss my daughter
I love and miss Matilda Mae
On Easter Day
And all days
For always
I miss my baby girl
What could God possibly want with my 9 month old baby girl?
Dear Jennie, I said when I don’t know what to say I will always just tell you I’m thinking of you because I am. I’m thinking of you and of David Esther and William and rainbow baby and of Matilda Mae. Love to you all.xxxx
Oh Jennie, I am just so sorry.
I know that when I say my heart aches for all you have lost it is no comfort. How can it be when I know that your hearts are broken? But every day, especially days like today, you, Matilda, your family are in my heart. I just pray that today will be gentle on you all. That you are able to take the time you need to have for yourself. That you are surrounded by love for you and by love for your baby girl.
With all of the love in the world x x x
I don’t know what to say because I know there is nothing I can say to ease your pain. I cannot read and run though. All I can say is the realisation that Matilda never experienced Easter makes my heart so heavy. Sending you all the love in the world xx
Oh Jennie – I wish all of our words could take away some of your pain but I know that is not so. I am thinking of you all today, as always x
Dearest Jennie,
I feel so sad for you. I wish there was something I could do to ease your pain. I am so sorry and I wish I knew why Matilda died. I am not surprised your faith is tested. It makes no sense at all. I wish this Easter was happy for you and it is so heartbreaking to hear Matilda never had an Easter. Thinking of you always xx
Sometimes I write essays. Sometimes I don’t know what to say. Either is the same thing energetically… it’s just me, sending you Love.
x x x x x x x x L o v e x x x x x x x x x x
Oh Jennie,
How utterly sad that she never had an Easter. I know she would have loved it so. I know me telling you that I’m here for you and thinking of you always, won’t take any of your pain away, and believe me if I knew a cure for that I would! But I am here for you and I am always thinking of you. Massive hugs, always. Kelly xx
Thinking of you xx
Jennie, your honesty and giving an insight into your thoughts makes this one of the best posts I’ve read about Easter. Sending lots of to you in this next testing period.