One year ago The Foundation for the Study of Infant Death (FSID)

Changed it’s name to

The Lullaby Trust

A small army of parent bloggers

Inspired by the life and death of our daughter Matilda Mae

Helped to promote the change of name

Over 50 bloggers came together

To share the foundation’s change of name

To promote the work of the trust

And we did it

Through messy play and lullabies

I was immensely proud of the blogging community that day

As I so often am

Proud and humbled

By the power of the collective

Coming together for good

Thank you

All of you

For all you have done and continue to do

Thank you x

It will soon be Tilda’s second birthday

The 15 month anniversary of her death

In 15 months

My life has been one hell of a ride

From the darkest depths of despair to glimmers of hope to tears of joy

And back to those darkest depths again

Grief is not a linear journey

It is an erratic cycle

That life, and death, throws you round and round

There are good days and bad

Happy and sad

Days when all you want to do is hide

Days when you need people around you

Days when you cannot bear to be near anyone

And you never know how any given day is going to be

15 months on and I am still stuck

People assume that I am better now

I am not

I have better days

But my worst days can be worse than ever

I miss my baby girl

And nothing will ever take the pain of losing her away

One thing that has helped me enormously these past 15 months

Is raising money and awareness for The Lullaby Trust

Ensuring people know about SIDS

That all babies are vulnerable

Toddlers too

Ensuring people know about sleeping safely

I have spent much of my time and energy in these last 15 months

Organising and being part of events to raise money and awareness

The Mile in Memory

The Sky Dive

The Welly Walk

Matilda Mae Remembers

Soon we will walk a mile for Matilda again

And soon we will dance at the birthday barn dance she was never able to have

And every day we honour her and we remember her

I honour her and remember her

In everything I do and say

I carry Baby Tilda in my heart

One of her greatest legacies is the Tuff Spot

And messy play

Messy Play for Matilda Mae

Every time we make something

Every time we play

We do it with Tilda in our hearts

So when the first anniversary of The Lullaby Trust approached

There was only one way to mark it

With some Lullaby Trust inspired messy play

I decided to recreate our Valentice Play

But this time make it Lullabice Trust Play

This is what we did.

I made some blue and yellow treasure ice hearts

I filled the heart moulds with water, food colouring and shaped sequins

And then left them in the freezer over night

In the morning we cleaned our water table

And filled it with fresh clear cold water

I then showed Esther and William the hearts

Together we got them out of the moulds

And placed them in the water and around the table

I asked Esther and William what colours the hearts were

Blue and yellow

I asked them what colour they thought the water would become

William put his hand in the air and answered

Green, green!

I love my children!

To begin with Esther and William were happy to play with the water

They loved swirling the ice around in the water

Mixing the blue and the yellow together to make green

Esther loved rolling the ice in her fingers

And making trails with the coloured ice around the table

Esther played so delicately

William was more about the transferring, pouring and squirting

Esther and William adore water play

So I am always looking for ways to make it a little different

Coloured ice was a hit

Once the water was a lovely ocean shade of green

We added sea creatures to the play

Esther and William are obsessed with Octonauts

They love learning about the ocean

And the creatures that live in it

We put in lots of different sea creatures

And used nets and colanders to sift them out and identify them

It was not long before Esther and William were in character

As Octonauts

And were rescuing sea creatures made poorly

By the algae sea

Esther and William enjoyed this water play for hours

Acting out scenarios

In the deep green sea

Esther had a family of penguins

William a leatherback sea turtle

And together their animals played

The stories they created together

Were out of this world

I am in awe of their imaginations

I am envious of the worlds they escape to in their play

That they can do what they do together

What a blessing!

What a gift!

How wonderful that after all they have been through in their little lives

They have each other

They have this

I love my children so so much

Each and everyone of them

Today we did this for The Lullaby Trust

As they reached a milestone

Baby Tilda never did

From all of us

To The Lullaby Trust

Happy First Anniversary