Tilda’s Anniversary

It is not like a birthday

Or a wedding anniversary

It is marking one year

One year without Matilda Mae

One year without our Baby Girl

One year since the night that she died

How do you mark an anniversary like that?

How do you mark the passing of something so sad?

It has been one year

We are not ready yet to be thankful for the time we had

It is too soon for thanks

We are still too sore, too hurt, too angry

It is not time yet for thanks

It is time for remembrance and honour and respect

It is time to come together

Stand together

And remember a little girl taken far too soon

There was only one place to be

The sea

Together we went to the sea

We gathered together

Without words

Without fuss

We came together

And we stood together

For our daughter Matilda Mae

our beach

We gathered at our beach

Hythe

Where we go for ordinary days

And special days

It has always been our beach

Baby Tilda had been there many times

In her 9 months here on Earth

Esther and William love the rocks

Playing in what they call the caves

This day was a gentle day

A slow day

No hurry, no place to be

But by the sea

With Tilda close by

Our plan had been for giant bubbles

Beside the stormy sea

bubble rocks

The winds so strong

Whipped the bubbles out to sea

Grabbing our love and kisses

And rushing them over the waves

To the sky

To our angel Matilda Mae

I think she knew we were coming

Our beautiful star of the sea

And with the help of the ravishing storms

Had left jewels for us to see

starfish

All along the beach

Were strewn beautiful stars of the sea

Starfish

Like kisses from Tilda

Littered along the shingle

They had to be a sign

In all our visits to Hythe over the years

Never before had we seen stars along the beach

But on this day

On this Baby Tilda day

There they were

We played on the beach for ages

Searching and finding pebbles and shells

Looking for treasures gifted from the sea

We took out our chalks

And wrote her name

Matilda

Baby Tilda

Matilda Mae

Baby Tilda

We wrote it everywhere for her to see

On the rocks

The driftwood

We wrote her name

We shouted it to the wind

On this special anniversary day

matilda

As our tummies rumbled for lunch

We moved inland to the military canal

Granny and Aunty Carolyn went to buy everyone chips!

We had chosen chips for this anniversary lunch

Because of something that Tilda did on her very last day

She stole a chip at her final lunch

From Esther and William’s lunch

And with great delight she sucked that one chip

Enjoying the taste and the salt

So proud she was

Her personality shining through

Showing exactly the cheeky toddler she was going to be

The cheeky toddler she should have been

cheeky chips

While waiting for chips we biked and scooted along the canal

And we splashed in muddy puddles

muddy puddles

And then we ate chips

Together

The family

Uncles, Aunties, Granny, Granddad, Parents, Cousins and Siblings

We ate chips

Enjoyed the salt

And remembered a very special little girl

After another walk along the sea

It was time to head for home

Granny and Granddad said their goodbyes

And it was four of us home alone

We opened the presents

We had been sent

By our family and our friends

gifts

Esther and William loved their presents

And they gave David and I some time to breathe

As the sun set

And the stars came out

It was time to walk with our torches

torches and sparklers

We roamed the garden

Lit Tilda’s star

And wrote her name in the air

With sparkles

We saluted Baby Tilda

And searched for her in the stars

Once Esther and William were all clean from their bath

It was time for pyjamas and stories

The theme for the night had to be the sky

Night sky pyjamas for William

Day time sky for Esther

And the story had to be

How to Catch a Star

bedtime sky

And once Esther and William were safe and asleep

We honoured our daughter with starlight

We remembered the night that we lost her

And all that we will now never know

Our baby will be always a baby

She will not have a chance to grow

We love and miss our daughter in starlight

God bless you Baby Tilda

Sleep tight x

candlelight

19 thoughts on “Tilda’s Anniversary

  1. All my love to you all Jennie, I cannot imagine how hard these past few days must have been but it seems like you honoured and remembered Matilda in the best ways xxx

  2. What a stunningly beautiful celebration for Matilda Mae, I laughed, I cried, I prayed and I spoke to the stars. xx I wish you all love and peace. xxxx

  3. Jennie I can’t imagine how difficult last weekend was for you. Your day by the beach looked so special – how lovely that Matilda left you kisses on the sand and pulled your bubbles straight to her. I wrote her name with stars in pink chalk on my run in the crisp countryside air and said a prayer for her. Love M xx

  4. What a beautiful way to honour a beautiful girl. The photos are wonderful- she was definitely smiling down on you. I love that you found star fish along the beach. I love that you marked the day in exactly the way you wanted to.
    xxxxxxxxxxx

  5. Thinking of you Jennie. I was following your journey on twitter but forgot my password so haven’t been on for a long time.

    We blew bubbles for baby Tilda on Sunday. How beautiful you saw starfish at the beach, so fitting and a definite sign from MM!

    Esther & William have grown so much!

  6. What a beautiful way to mark a tragically sad day. I believe in signs and am happy for you that Matilda is so generous with them.
    My baby daughter was only a couple of months old when Baby Tilda died last year. I am often looking at my daughter, thinking about you and Matilda, and how our Pea and your baby Tilda would be about the same age now. We have never really met, but you and Baby Tilda have touched my life so much. You have made me reconsider my priorities. I wanted to say thank you for that. I will never forget you or your daughter. Much love, Deborah xx

  7. I had tears in my eyes reading this, but it made me smile too thinking of Tilda stealing a chip and the starfish kisses the perfect sign x

  8. What a beautiful day you had to remember your beautiful baby girl. I’m so glad you had so many signs that she was there with you. I believe she was everywhere that day. Sending you love and counting down the days until I see you again xx

  9. I always loved that Muse song and I will always think of you and Matilda now when I hear it. I remember on the 2nd Feb reading a tweet or facebook post from you about the starfish at the beach. and thinking how wonderful that was. Your photographs are beautiful. Thinking of you lots just now x

  10. I thought I had replied to this. I agree – I think the Starfish were 100% a sign. She knows and she is still there guiding the way through the darkness. The chip pinching made me laugh through the tears of reading this. Much love xxx

  11. Thinking of you.. Thinking of your family and Tilda.. There are no words I can say. I am amazed at your bravery and strength. Remarkable. I am sure you have weak days but your angel will always pull you through.. Never forgotten and forever in your heart. Much love and sending you any strength xxx

  12. Pingback: How To Catch A Star: Ten for Ten Part One | Edspire

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