Baby Tilda died in February

Sudden Infant Death

Tore our family apart

So many people have helped me

Since Matilda died

So many people have stuck by me

And their being there has helped me more than they know

The people who remember every single Saturday

To send a Saturday hug

The people who remember every second of every month

To send a message, a gift, a card

The people who send special wishes on significant days

Who go out of their way to protect me and mine from more harm

There are many people who have done that

People I will always hold dear in my heart

New friends and old

Who I now cannot imagine my life with out

There are three friends though

Who deserve a special mention

Who are there all the time

Day and night

Who have helped me in ways

Different from each other

Yet needed by me

Equally

I want to tell you

All about

Three friends

Michele
Michele has been my best and closest friend for years. She is Godmother to my children and was Matron of Honour / Best Woman at our wedding. She is wonderful and has been a rock for me through some truly tough times. Whatever life throws at me, Michele steps up and helps to bear the brunt. She is always my first phone call and I am very lucky that I get to see her most Friday afternoons. Esther and William adore her and Tilda did too. Apart from David and I, and my AUnty and Uncle now, Michele sees our children more than anyone else. Michele is sensible and strong. She is practical, she gets stuff done. I have written about Michele before and the very important part she plays in all of our lives. She is a wonderful Godmother and an amazing friend. And has played a huge part in making Tilda’s garden a reality x Thank you x x x x

We love you ‘Chele x Thank you for everything x

Susanne
Susanne is someone I have admired for the longest time. Hers is one of the first blogs I ever discovered and one I have most read. We had commented on each other’s blogs and had tweeted. We were pregnant at the same time, Susanne with Bella and me with Matilda Mae. The earliest days after Tilda died are all a bit of a blur for me but I do remember that Susanne was there. I remember wonderful, beautiful inspirational Merry and I remember a quiet but definitely there Susanne.

Susanne, together with Heather, travelled to Tilda’s funeral and it was wonderful to have them there. They bravely stood up in church and read the words written by Merry for my family and friends, to give a sense of what the blogging community is and how we all come together. Had come together for this. For Matilda Mae.

After the funeral came the fundraising. Any half hatched idea I had Susanne helped me to make it happen. She has so often these 11 months been my voice when I could not speak. She has been a tower of strength for me and has finished my sentences, completed my plans, argued my points. She has been beside me every single step of the way on my nightmare journey since Tilda died. She has helped me build Tilda’s legacy and when it has all been too much for me she has known and without fuss has stepped up and taken over the reins. She has travelled hundreds of miles to be with me, spend time with my family and look after us as if she had known us for years. I am certain that Susanne was meant for me and Baby Tilda brought us together. Susanne stuck by my side through Brit Mums, she always puts my wants and needs first. I am very lucky to call this lady my friend. I will treasure her for always and am counting the days until I see her again.

Melissa
Melissa is the bravest lady I know. Melissa lost her beautiful boy Harry shortly after he was born. She knew from 9 weeks that Harry would not live and she still carried him to term. She was told he would not survive birth but she gave him his chance and he did. he lived for half an hour and I know she treasures every second of her time with her boy. She is the bravest woman I know and a beautiful, beautiful soul.

Melissa lives round the corner from me, literally, and we see each other all the time.

Melissa did not give up on me when she was trying to make contact to offer support and I ignored all her messages. She never gave up and eventually I went to see her and I have never ever looked back.

Melissa gets it, she gets it all. The pain, the fear, the rage, the confusion. Melissa gets it all. She loves talking about Tilda with me and together we talk about our babies in the sky. Our children talk about our babies in the sky and it is wonderful.

Melissa is someone I feel safe with even on the worst of days.

We can sit together in silence and it is always alright.

We chat and we natter, we hope and we dream, we cry and we cuddle and we remember.

We remember!

Melissa is my newest friend, a guardian sent by Tilda I am sure, a friend for always, for life.

And our children are wonderful friends too.

It is perfect.

There are so many people I owe gratitude to

So many people that have made such a difference

Have shone some light at the darkest of times

I cannot mention everyone by name

But please know that I know you

I am so thankful for you

And you have helped me more than you know

Thank you x