Today marks 10 months since Matilda Mae was ripped from our lives
10 months
She did not see 10 months on Earth
I find it really hard to think about that
Without tears and rage
At the injustice that such a beautiful, healthy baby
Can just fall asleep and never wake up
I am never going to get over that
I will not let the world forget that
That it is still happening
Too often
To babies young and old
We must not stop searching for an answer
To why healthy babies fall asleep and die
We must never stop fighting SIDS
I made a pledge to Matilda Mae
To support the work of the The Lullaby Trust
And to make sure that everyone knew her name
I promised to speak her name every day
And I do
We all do
Over and over again
Today we arrived home from a very special break away
And the first place we all wanted to spend some time?
Baby Tilda’s garden
We stayed and played until the sun went down
And Baby Tilda showed us
She knew that we were there
I am really looking forward to creating our very own wonderland
For Baby Tilda this winter
Until the blossom comes on her cherry tree
Until the snowdrops and the daffodils
There will be light
In Baby Tilda’s play place
Today we added a Christmas windmill
And Daddy put up Baby Tilda’s star
The one she so enjoyed helping to make last Christmas
The one we all assumed she would live to see for years to come
For so many Christmases to come
A tradition we thought she might pass on to her own children
The photo that would have taken pride of place on her wedding day
Our Baby Tilda, our shining star
After the star was lit
And the sun had gone down
We came inside for tea
And who should be waiting for us?
Not the Elf from Elveden as I had originally planned
But Twinkle Star
And her friend Elf
Who we have named as Sparkle
Sparkle and Twinkle are the best of friends
They love to fly together through the night sky
One to Father Christmas and one to Matilda Mae
Both love to be hugged and played with
Both love to be told stories and to play with toys
Both want to be with us until the dawn of Christmas Day
They brought with them a present
A beautiful version of a rhyme we love
That we cannot hear or sing
Without thinking of our baby in the sky
Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
We will sing it everyday
And think of our Baby Tilda
Our Baby up in Heaven
In this season of peace and goodwill
We will miss our baby more than ever
Please spare us a thought or prayer if you can
This is going to be a longer, colder winter than most
We love and miss you Matilda Mae x
The star on the house is wonderful ! I’ve send you something small for Tilda for the family, perhaps for on the window sill near Tilda’s garden. Lot’s of virtual hugs during the cold winter days!
So lovely! Every post breaks my heart, Jennie! You will create the most magical Christmas for all your three children, she will be watching you from Heaven xx
You and your family are always in my prayers Jennie!
Of course I will be thinking of you all
xxxx
Thinking of you always and your beautiful family x
Such a touching post and with every post of yours I read, a lump grows in my throat and I find myself crying. The star on your home is so beautiful, the photos of Baby Tilda helping to make it are so precious. I am thinking of you all, as I do everyday x
Jennie, I did not know your story until I looked on Tots 100. It will be 3 years on Monday 9th December that our baby boy Luke was born sleeping at 20 weeks into the pregnancy. We never knew why as to look at he was so perfect but he was obviously to sick to fight. The pictures of your family and the garden you have created to honour your beautiful girl are an inspiration. Lets hope that one day that the causes of these devastating events can be found so that there are fewer baby angels xxxx
sending lots of love Jennie. You are amazing xxx
What a beautiful star you have hanging over your house! A wonderful tribute to Tilda! Yet again I am amazed by your bravery!
What beautiful words, in commemoration of such a heart-rending loss. The pictures of Matilda, in particular, are so moving.
Jennie, I came across your blog through Lisa Cleggs twitter page. Your words, writing, blog & work for your daughter are amazing. I’m sure she watches over you all & is giving you strength to carry on. You are an amazing woman & mother. I hug, kiss, squeeze & cuddle my 3 month old a little longer, harder & a little tighter every day after reading your blog, not to mention my “big girl” who’s 6, & for that I thank you. x
What a beautiful post and photos too. Love the star shining bright on your house-how much meaning it has now too, we will all be thinking of you this winter, and Christmas xx
I’ll keep you in my prayers, Jennie. My heart goes out to you. Lots of love, Dxx
That star is beautiful. Thinking of you. X
Thinking of you always, xx
Always thinking of you Jennie xx
My little girl woke up poorly the other night and wanted me to climb into bed with her and sing to her, asking for ‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Star’. I sang it with her arms wrapped round me and tears rolling down my face in the dark, still so very mindful of your precious baby girl. I just wanted you to know that Matilda Mae touched many, many lives and I don’t think any of us will ever forget. xxxxx