This morning was rather magical.

Esther and William each amazed me in very different ways.

William has decided that he is ready to read and Esther showed me that she is ready to start talking about Matilda Mae.

William’s Words
William has been interested in numbers for ages now. He can count to 22 with ease and spots numbers all around. He loves to learn about numbers and counting and ordering, mostly because of Thomas. It was also through Thomas that his curiosity about letters was aroused. Now he loves spotting letters and making their sounds. Today I thought I would try a bit of simple blending with him. We did just ten minutes at breakfast and he can now blend and segment ‘short a’ cvc words. I was so proud I wrote him a little certificate and he made sure that Baby Tilda’s name was included too.

I am so proud of him. He will be three and a half in January and his reading adventure has begun. I toyed with the idea of starting some phonics with them over the summer but I didn’t. In fact I owe Jolly Phonics a review because they were kind enough to send me a kit but until this week we have never used it. But now, there is no stopping William. I always thought it would be Esther with the first thirst for words but it is William. He is so enthusiastic it is adorable. We only talk about numbers and letters when he brings them up but he is doing so more and more. Even in conversation with himself. He asks himself ‘What does Thomas begin with? T’ It is really very cute. We have just started reading Jolly Phonics stories and singing their wonderful, simple songs all set to traditional tunes and we are collecting toys with letters and numbers. We are also going to start including more letters and numbers in our messy, sensory and outdoor play. Starting with number and letter hunts at Center Parcs this weekend. Both Esther and William are very excited about that.

My boy is beginning to read. I am so proud and very emotional and so excited for my gorgeous little boy.

There is not much better in life than being able to lose yourself in a book.

Esther and Baby Tilda’s Wings
Esther and William talk about Baby Tilda all the time. They say that she is in the sky, whenever they see stars they say that they are Tilda stars and they have adopted the colours of pink and purple as their own. William has always been the one more willing to talk about her and the one who initiates discussions about her. Because of this I was taken completely off guard today when Esther started talking to me about Baby Tilda and told me that she misses her very much.

Baby Tilda had a toy butterfly that she loved. It has been on a windowsill in our house since the day that she died. Esther asked to have it down a little while ago to play with. Today as we were packing up to leave to Center Parcs she flew the butterfly to me and said, ‘This is Baby Tilda. She used her wings to fly down to you. We have to take her to the holiday house, we cannot leave her here.’

I gently explained that though Baby Tilda may now have wings up in the sky she cannot use them to fly back down to us. Esther went on to explain that it was Baby Tilda’s Butterfly and that we must take her with us on holiday. And so we have. She is here. On the window sill of our holiday home, watching over us all.

Esther tucked the butterfly into my jumper and said Baby Tilda used to be on you with her face sticking out. She often was of course, I used to wear Matilda for much of the time. Esther also said that she can remember Baby Tilda being in my tummy. Perhaps she can? She giggled a lot when I told her that she used to be in my tummy and that William was in there at the same time too. She was very pleased to know that she was the one that popped out first.

I asked Esther today if she misses Baby Tilda and she says that she does.

Once we arrived at Center Parcs today we were spotting Baby Tilda stars everywhere, in the water and up in the clear night skies.

I was so proud of Esther for talking about Tilda so openly and for not wanting to leave her baby sister behind.

The next moment that melted my heart came this evening when Ghostwriter Mummy’s little Luka looked at Esther and William staring at the stars and gently said, ‘I remember that your baby is in heaven.’

Thank you Luka, thank you for remembering our baby in heaven.

Thank you to you and Esther and William and everyone who remembers Matilda Mae.