Miscarriage: Missed, Medical, Medical, ERPC

Miscarriage: Missed, Medical, Medical, ERPC

What an awful awful month I have had.

I knew from the off September would be bad

But it was worse than even I could have imagined

We were pregnant

Baby died

Body refused to miscarry

I waited and I waited

For my body to realise

And to do the right thing

Nothing

Not a symptom or sign

That my body knew that the pregnancy was over

And so we chose to have medical management

I read and talked and discussed

I was ready and prepared for all that was to come

Except it never came

Four pessaries

No pain, no bleeding, no end to the misery I was feeling inside

24 hours later

Four more pessaries

No pain, no bleeding, no end to the misery inside

The realisation dawned that my body was clinging on with all its might

To what was left of this pregnancy

Right thing, wrong time

Body of mine

Next time cling on for all you are worth

But this time we have to let go

ERPC

Simple, day procedure

Except not of course for me

First they could not get a cannula in

Something about getting stuck in a valve

I really was in a lot of pain

As they struggled to find a working vein

At last a change of plan

A change of hand

And before I could count back from 30

I was gone

I was waking

In recovery

Shaky and cold

Severely dehydrated

Having been left for over 13 hours

Nil by mouth

My blood pressure was too low

I did not feel very well at all

Drips were attached

Fluids flowed

Faster and faster

To bring me round

But still my blood pressure would not rise

I would not be going home today

I would be staying over night

On a noisy ward of sickly women

When all I wanted to do was go home

My blood pressure was checked

Every two hours

All the way through the night

Only at six o’clock in the morning

Was it at a level acceptable for going home

98 over 42

98 over 46

99 over 49

99 over 52

99 over 60

I am dressed

I am ready

I am waiting to go home

Armed with an artillery of antibiotics

To fight any infection away.

It is over

It is finally over

I can rest and recuperate

Reflect and recover

Before we start over again.

Missed, medical, medical, ERPC

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35 thoughts on “Miscarriage: Missed, Medical, Medical, ERPC

  1. Oh Jennie what a dreadful ordeal. I’m glad you are home now, get some rest and try to recover from all that you have been through. Praying for you every day xxxx

  2. I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with this, but I’m glad you’re finally back in your own home where, hopefully, the healing can begin.

    Hugs, as always xxx

  3. So sorry to hear that Jennie, I,ve been through it before too but have since had two healthy pregnancies. Sending you lots of love, good health and lots of hope! xxx

  4. I’m glad you’re now home and I didn’t stop thinking about you all night. I wish I was religious as I’d have been saying many a prayer for you last night. At least you’re in a new month now, September has gone and you can try and focus on moving on. Just know that we are always here for you, even when you think we are not. Sending you so much love xx

  5. Oh my god! Jennie you poor thing! How bloody awful! I hope you recover from your op quickly and I hope you and David are ok. I had an ERPC at 12 weeks after discovering at my scan baby had stopped at 7-8 weeks. They offered for me to leave it to come away naturally but I said no as it had stayed put for 5 weeks. I found the whole ordeal completely devastating, so for you to have everything else on top I feel so bad for you. Sending you lots of love xxxxx

  6. So sorry it was such a horrible ordeal and that you had to stay over night-that is the last thing anyone would want to have. I hope you can’t to rest and recuperate over the days few days or weeks xx

  7. I’m sorry you’ve gone through yet more heartache. An ERPC pulled my heart apart so I can understand some the pain you are in right now. Please take care of yourself. I got a womb infection after mine and it wasn’t nice. I wish you a speedy recovery and may you be blessed with a sticky pregnancy soon x

  8. Sounds like quite an ordeal. Look after yourself over the next few days.
    When I discovered my medical management wasn’t successful all I could think of was that my body didn’t want to let go of this pregnancy any more than I did. I had a pretty quick physical recovery, and an initially a quick emotional one as I figured I’d be pregnant again soon. I’m now 58 days past my ERCP, still not pregnant again and starting to feel the emotional toll of putting too much pressure on myself to conceive again.

  9. Oh hunny. Why is nothing ever simple for you? You’ve been through enough already.
    Sending huge hugs and strength xx
    My 3rd miscarriage was a missed one and my body also refused to give up that baby, 4 weeks later I too went through an erpc 🙁
    Thinking of you as always

  10. I have days when I just sit here and wish for you. You deserve nothing short of a miracle. You deserve so much more than this. I’m so, so sorry for your loss. I’ll keep these fingers and toes crossed for you, for Matilda, for this little angel you lost, and for the baby that I know you will have. I know you will. xxx

  11. i am so sorry to hear of your losses. almost 17 years ago at 35 weeks pregnant my baby hadn’t moved for a while, a scan confirmed the worse, that he had sadly passed away. i was admitted to hospital to be induced on the sunday morning but it wasnt till the following thursday that my body finally let him go. a couple of years later we tried again, had a beautiful baby girl, then at 10 days old she also passed away. i often wonder why there are those of us that have to go through so much heart ache. big hugs lovely xo

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